Notes

Notes

 

Chapters

Chapters
727 1. He was too drunk to resist BVG 605, 9/7/1889-9/8/1889. Six months later, Vincent chastised himself for his behavior: "I reproach myself for my cowardice, I ought to have defended my studio better, even if I had to fight with those gendarmes and neighbours. ... I would have done better in that case then, and now I was cowardly and drunk. Ill too, but I wasn't brave."

Context:
JLB 801, 9/10/1889: "I reproach myself for my cowardice, I ought to have defended my studio better, even if I had to fight with those gendarmes and neighbours. Others in my position would have used a revolver, and indeed, had one killed onlookers like that as an artist one would have been acquitted. I would have done better in that case then, and now I was cowardly and drunk. Ill too, but I wasn't brave."

2. padlocked the door BVG 579, 3/19/1889: This was the state in which the Yellow House remained until Vincent returned there almost a month later in the company of the visiting painter Paul Signac. (See later in this chapter.)

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "How I'd like to be able to send you my canvases, but everything is under lock and key, police and keepers of the insane."

3. pasted official seals over it Clébert and Richard, p. 94: "On the yellow house the seals were affixed." 4. a secret petition to the authorities BVG 580, 3/22/1889. "They took great care to act so that I don't know who sent that document in question [i.e., the petition]" (JLB 751, 3/22/1889). While confined to the hospital, Vincent was given an opportunity to examine the petition, as Frédéric Salles makes clear in a letter to Theo from March: "Your brother spoke to me calmly and with a perfect lucidity regarding his position and also with regard to the petition signed by his neighbors, of which the superintendent had not kept him in ignorance" (b1049 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/18/1889).

Context:
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "All that I would ask is that people I don't even know by name (for they took great care to act so that I don't know who sent that document in question) don't meddle with me when I'm in the middle of painting, eating or sleeping or having a fuck in the brothel (not having a wife)."

5. "The Dutch subject named Vood" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 132-133: All of the quotations in the text paragraph are taken from the petition. Here is the complete petition:

"M. Mayor, We the undersigned residents of the city of Aries, Place Lamartine, have the honor of informing you that the Dutch subject named Vood (Vincent), landscape painter residing on the aforementioned square, has for some time and on several occasions furnished proof that he is not in full possession of his mental faculties and that he indulges in excessive drinking, after which he finds himself in such a state of excitement that he no longer knows either what he does or what he says, and that his instability causes fear for all the residents of the neighborhood, particularly for the women and children.

"In consequence, the undersigned have the honor of asking in the name of public security that the said Vood (Vincent) be returned to his family as soon as possible, or that his family take the steps necessary to have him admitted to a mental asylum, in order to prevent whatever misfortune which will certainly occur one day or another if vigorous measures are not taken.

"We dare to hope, M. Mayor, that, taking into consideration the serious concern that we are putting forward, you will be so kind as to take action in pursuance with our request. We have the honor of being, with the most profound respect, M. Mayor, your devoted constituents."

6. Thirty of his neighbors Clébert and Richard, p. 87: Vincent mistakenly believed that "there were more than 80 signatures" on the petition (JLB 750, 3/19/1889). This would suggest that he never saw the original, which is the generally accepted view in the literature, although he did allude to the petition's content ("designating me as a man not worthy of living at liberty" [ibid.]) and rail against the anonymous format of the witness testimony (JLB 751, 3/22/1889), which suggests that he did at least have some familiarity with the documents, making his mistake about the number of signatories surprising. Furthermore, Salles reported on March 18 that Vincent spoke "calmly and with perfect lucidity" about the petition, "of which the superintendent had not kept him in ignorance" (b1049 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/18/1889). Perhaps the most interesting aspect of Vincent's mistake is that he did not dispute the number at the time, thus indicating that he did not find it unreasonable or unlikely that eighty signatures against him could be found. Nor was it a mere slip or temporary misunderstanding. Three months after his release in March 1889, Vincent repeated his defense against his accusers (calling them "virtuous cannibals" [savages]), again using the inflated number (raising it to eighty-one, apparently to include the mayor) (JLB 782, 6/18/1889). 7. "the queer painter" "Kunst und Künstler (Art and Artists)," in Van Gogh, p. 167: "[Vincent] was my next-door neighbor, so to speak. Along with other young people I used to poke fun at this queer painter. Well, we were only children then. His appearance made a highly comical impression on us. His long smock, his gigantic hat, the man himself continually stopping and peering at things, excited our ridicule." 8. " fada" Leroy, "Le Séjour de Vincent van Gogh 9. " fou rou" Clébert and Richard, p. 89. 10. attempts at the local patois BVG 576, 2/3/1889.

Context:
JLB 745, 2/3/1889: "But I can tell you this, that the original language from here in words sounds so musical in the mouths of the Arlésiennes that my word yes, from time to time I catch fragments of it."

728 11. Children threw stones now Doiteau and Leroy, p. 186: "In town Vincent seems quite the madman. The townspeople are wary of him and everyone looks at him strangely. When he walks down the street kids throw stones at him -- whatever M. Robert [the Arles policeman], who states that 'the children didn't pay him any attention,' says. We have a friend in Arles who recalls perfectly having thrown stones at Vincent when he was a young boy. But clearly the children avoided doing this sort of thing when M. Robert was present." For the account of children throwing food scraps at Vincent in the past. 12. "absurdities" BVG 577, 2/17/1889.

Context:
BVG 577, 2/17/1889: "The unfortunate thing is that I am rather inclined to be affected by the beliefs of others, and to feel them myself, and I cannot always laugh at whatever foundation of truth there may be in the absurdity."
JLB 747, 2/18/1889: "The unfortunate thing is that I'm rather inclined to be impressed, to feel the beliefs of other people myself and not always to laugh at the foundation of truth that there may be in the absurd."

13. demanded a firm response BVG 577, 2/17/1889.

Context:
JLB 747, 2/18/1889: "Which proves that with a little firmness one can alter these prejudices, or at least do one's painting all the same."

14. "Where can I go that's worse" JLB 747, 2/18/1889. 15. A simmering dispute BVG 570, 1/9/1889. According to a letter Vincent wrote in September 1888, his arrangement with the landlord required him to commit to renting the Yellow House on a quarterly basis, even though he continued to pay the rent monthly (JLB 672, 9/1/1888). Because of his hospitalization, he was not able to pay the January rent on time and may have missed the window for committing to keep the house for the first quarter of 1889. This would explain Vincent's discovery, upon leaving the hospital in January that "in my absence the owner of my house here apparently made a contract with a fellow who has a tobacco shop, to turn me out and give him, the tobacconist, the house" (JLB 738, 1/9/1889). This may be the source of Vincent's problems at the end of the month and may have led the landlord to undertake a "grass-roots" campaign to oust Vincent from the property. The dispute re-emerges, on schedule, at the beginning of April when the next quarterly commitment was due: "I'm being forced to leave -- all right -- but to take away the gas -- to make a fuss for damages or something else, certainly there would be justification but I don't have the heart for it" (JLB 754, 4/4/1889). So Vincent's leaving the Yellow House, like so many of his moves in the past, was not a voluntary one. The landlord, no doubt fed up with Vincent's intransigence and belligerence (to say nothing of his mental instability, reputation for misbehavior, and problems with the police), simply refused to renew his lease.

Context:
JLB 738, 1/9/1889: "I've just been told that in my absence the owner of my house here apparently made a contract with a fellow who has a tobacco shop, to turn me out and give him, the tobacconist, the house."

16. Vincent had to send his charwoman Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverend Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 27: Salles reported to Theo: "I had somehow hoped for a moment to be able to give you really good news and this has prevented me to reply in return to your letter and the 50 francs which were enclosed. I have handed this sum over to your brother when he left the hospital or, to be more exact, your brother sent the charlady to me to collect it." 17. dispute with the innkeeper Carrel See Ch. 31, n. 35. 18. sent gendarmes door to door Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 28-30: Salles reports to Theo: "After [Vincent's] entry into the hospital, the superintendent of police has interviewed those who signed the petition. You will understand that a thing like this cannot be done discreetly and without causing a stir: the statements have been collected and actually form a file." 19. "to establish the degree" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: Here is the preface to the "Police Investigation Report": "The year eighteen hundred and eighty-nine and the twenty-seventh of February; we, the Police Commissioner of the city of Arles, the officer of the judiciary police, the Assistant to the Public Prosecutor; given the attached petition of the inhabitants of the Place Lamartine, concerning the actions of one Vincent van Goghe [sic], Dutch subject, suffering from mental alienation; in view of the attached report by Doctor [Albert] Delon of the seventh of this month and the orders of the Mayor of Arles [Jacques Tardieu], prescribing that the degree of Van Goghe's madness be established; proceeded with an investigation and heard the following, enumerated below." 20. "doing them harm" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 28-30: Only five witness accounts have survived formally attached to the police investigation conducted at the end of February to support the allegations of the petition signed by thirty residents of the place Lamartine neighborhood against Vincent. However, it is clear from the contemporary account of Reverend Salles that other testimonies were taken by the police and available for review. Salles wrote to Theo on March 2, 1889, describing the contents of some of these other accounts: "The superintendent of police has interviewed those who signed the petition. You will understand that a thing like this cannot be done discreetly and without causing a stir: the statements have been collected and actually form a file. I have read some of them ... One says that the children collect round him and run after him and that he pursues them to catch them and that he might do them harm; that he drinks a lot (the inn-keeper, his neighbour, who told me just the opposite, has confirmed this) and finally that the women are scared of him 'because he has caught some of them round the waist and has permitted himself to fondle them.'" Salles has a sanguine and probably perceptive take on these reports: "Unfortunately, the crazy act which necessitated [Vincent's] first hospitalization, has resulted in a most unfavorable interpretation of anything out of the ordinary which this unfortunate young man may do. In the case of another person they might possibly not have drawn much attention, in his case they immediately assume a special importance." 21. that he drank too much Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 28-30. (See Ch. 38, n. 20.) 22. that his speech rambled incoherently "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: "M[onsieur] A, 63 years of age, proprietor, residing on 53, avenue Montmajour, who made the following declaration: In my capacity as manager of the building inhabited by M. Vincent van Goghe [sic], I had occasion to have a conversation with him yesterday and to observe that he is suffering from mental alienation, for his conversation is incoherent and his reasoning impaired. On the other hand, I have heard it said that this man indulges in touching women who live in the neighborhood; I was even assured that they are no longer even safe at home because he comes into their domiciles. In short, it is urgent that this lunatic be confined in an asylum; given above all that the presence of Van Goghe [sic] in our neighborhood compromises public safety." "Witness A" was Bernard Soulé, a sixty-three-year-old who lived just around the corner on avenue Montmajour (Clébert and Richard, pp. 89, 92.) That Soulé was the petition's lead witness suggests that the accusations against Vincent were supported by, if not prompted by, Soulé's manifest desire to evict Vincent from the property and substitute a new tenant, a "tobacconist," as Vincent reports in early January upon his first release from the hospital (JLB 738, 1/9/1889. In this regard, it is curious, indeed suspicious, that one of the other five official witnesses against Vincent (identified in the police report as "Witness C") was a forty-year-old "tobacco retailer"; and another was Damase Crevoulin, the grocer who rented the other half of the Yellow House (see Ch. 38, n. 28) from none other than Bernard Soulé. 23. "grabbed by the waist" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: "One D, 42 years of age, dressmaker, residing 24, Place Lamartine, who made the following declaration: M. Van Goghe [sic], who lives in the same neighborhood as I do, has become increasingly mad in the last few days; consequently everyone in the neighborhood is frightened. The women especially no longer feel safe, for he indulges in touching them and makes obscene remarks in their presence. As for me, I was grabbed by the waist and lifted into the air by this individual in front of the shop of Mme. B [the second witness] the day before yesterday, Monday. In short, this madman is becoming dangerous to public safety, and everyone demands that he be confined in a special institution." 24. "indulging in touching women" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134. This accusation appears in several of the witness reports, in almost identical terms. Witness A: "On the other hand, I have heard it said that this man indulges in touching women who live in the neighborhood." (See Ch. 38, n. 22.) Witness B: "He insults my clients and indulges in touching women of the neighborhood." (See Ch. 38, n. 28.) Witness D: "The women especially no longer feel safe, for he indulges in touching them and makes obscene remarks in their presence." (See Ch. 38, n. 23.) Salles notices and is suspect of this similarity of expression in the testimonials: "[The accounts say that] women are scared of him 'because he has caught some of them round the waist and has permitted himself to fondle them.' The latter expression returns often in the statements." 25. "permitting himself to fondle" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 28-30. (See Ch. 38, n. 20.) 26. "making obscene remarks" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134. (See Ch. 38, n. 23.) 27. François Crevoulin Clébert and Richard, pp. 89-92. (See Ch. 38, n. 22.) 28. "come into my store" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: "One B, 32 years of age, grocery-store keeper residing Place Lamartine, who said to us as follows: I live in the same building as the said Vincent van Goghe [sic], who is truly mad. This individual comes into my store and imposes himself. He insults my clients and indulges in touching women of the neighborhood, whom he follows right into their homes. In short, everyone in the neighborhood is scared because of the presence of the aforesaid Van Goghe [sic], who will certainly become a public danger." Clébert and Richard identify "Witness B" as Damase Crevoulin, "then aged forty-five, was born in Rustrel in the Vaucluse département. A grocer, he and his wife Marguerite, aged thirty-two, owned the grocery shop which occupied the left wing of the yellow house. Given that to some extent he was cohabiting with Vincent at no. 2, place Lamartine, perhaps he would have been more troubled than others by the artist's promiscuity? In any case it was he who would have been most affected by living right next door." (Clébert and Richard, pp. 89-92.) During the day, Vincent shared both a common hall and toilet facilities (at the abutting hotel) with Crevoulin and his wife. (The Crevoulins lived elsewhere in the neighborhood.) 29. Vincent had followed women home "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: Witness A: "I was even assured that they are no longer even safe at home because he comes into their domiciles." (See Ch. 38, n. 22.) Witness B: "He insults my clients and indulges in touching women of the neighborhood, whom he follows right into their homes." (See Ch. 38, n. 28.) 30. even entered their houses "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134. (See Ch. 38, n. 22.) 31. "no longer safe" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: Witness D (the dressmaker): "The women especially no longer feel safe" (see Ch. 38, n. 23). Witness A: "I was even assured that they are no longer even safe at home because he comes into their domiciles." (See Ch. 38, n. 22.) 32. the verdict of the mob Rewald infers, rightly in our view, that the five formal witnesses were all regurgitating the same hairball of rumor: "The similarity of their testimony strongly suggests that they had been asked somewhat leading questions, to which they replied in more or less the same fashion" (Rewald, p. 293). Rewald does not explore the possibility of a conspiracy by the landlord to oust Vincent from the Yellow House (see Ch. 38, n. 22), or, more likely, the leveraging of Vincent's strange behavior and the mob panic it generated to achieve commercial ends. 33. "lunatic" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134. (See Ch. 38, n. 22.) 34. "madman" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: Witness D: "M. Van Goghe [sic], who lives in the same neighborhood as I do, has become increasingly mad in the last few days ... In short, this madman is becoming dangerous to public safety, and everyone demands that he be confined in a special institution" (see Ch. 38, n. 23). Witness B: "I live in the same building as the said Vincent van Goghe [sic], who is truly mad." (See Ch. 38, n. 28.) 35. "derangement" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: The "observations" section of the witness report summarizes: "The said Vincent van Goghe[sic] is truly suffering from mental derangement." The same section also declares what the witnesses surely felt but did not say (at least not in their signed statements): "All his neighbors are frightened, and with reason, for, a few weeks ago, the madman of whom we speak cut off his ear in a fit of madness; such a fit could reoccur and be fatal for some person in his neighborhood." The official "conclusions" section, added a few days later (March 3), accepts the police report's "observation" about Vincent's condition: "The result of the preceding investigation and our personal observations is that the said Vincent van Goghe [sic] is suffering from mental derangement" (ibid.). 36. "public danger" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134. (See Ch. 38, n. 28.) This sentiment is echoed in the official "observations" attached to the witnesses' reports (see Ch. 38, n. 35): "Van Goghe [sic] does not yet constitute a public danger, but we fear that he may become one." Also in the official "conclusions": "Whereas ... [Vincent] could become dangerous to public safety; we are of the opinion that there are grounds for confining this madman in a special asylum." 37. "confined in a special institution" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134. (See Ch. 38, n. 23.) 38. "locked up" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 28-30. (See Ch. 38, n. 20.) 39. "What a staggering blow" JLB 750, 3/19/1889. We have combined elements from both translations.

Context:
BVG 579, 3/19/1889: "So you understand what a staggering blow between the eyes it was to find so many people here cowardly enough to join together against one man, and that man ill."
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "So you can imagine how much of a hammer-blow full in the chest it was when I found out that there were so many people here who were cowardly enough to band themselves together against one man, and a sick one at that."

40. "meddlesome idiots" BVG 581, 3/24/1889. In a previous letter, Vincent had expounded on his low opinion of the locals as meddlers: "All that I would ask is that people I don't even know by name ... don't meddle with me when I'm in the middle of painting, eating or sleeping or having a fuck in the brothel (not having a wife). Yet they meddle with all that." (JLB 751, 3/22/1889.)

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: "That is enough to show you how meddlesome and what idiots these people are."
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "That's enough to say what people meddle in and what idiots they are."

41. "poisonous idlers" BVG 581, 3/24/1889.

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: "Still, of course, if I had to endure my work and my private life being interfered with every day by gendarmes and poisonous idlers of municipal electors petitioning the Mayor whom they have elected and who consequently depends on their votes, it would be no more than human of me to relapse all over again."
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "Of course, it's still the case that if things were to be messed up for me in my work and in my life every day by gendarmes and venomous layabouts of municipal electors who petition against me to their mayor elected by them (and who is consequently keen on their votes) it would be only human on my part that I should succumb once more."

42. "pack of skunks and cowards" BVG 580, 3/22/1889.

Context:
BVG 580, 3/22/1889: "Now let us be as firm as possible and, in short, not let them tread too painfully on our toes. From the start I have been faced with very mischievous opposition here. All this stir will naturally be good for "impressionism," but you and I as individuals will suffer because of a pack of skunks and cowards."
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "Now let's be as firm as possible, and in short not allow people to tread on our toes too much. Right from the beginning I had very malicious opposition here. All this fuss will naturally do good to 'Impressionism,' but you and I personally, we'll suffer for a bunch of bastards and cowards."

43. a hearing before the mayor Vincent certainly demanded a hearing, as he had every time he had been threatened with commitment by his father in the past. We hear this demand in passages like this: "Anyway, here I am, shut up for long days under lock and key and with warders in the isolation cell, without my culpability being proven or even provable. It goes without saying that in my heart of hearts I have a lot to say in reply to all that." (JLB 750, 3/19/1889.) This only shows, however, that Vincent did not get the full legal proceeding that he thought he was owed under the law. In other passages, such as this, we see evidence that he was given at least an informal audience with someone in an official capacity to whom he could make his heated arguments: "The fact remains that a petition has been sent to the Mayor. I answered roundly that I was quite prepared, for instance, to chuck myself into the water if that would please these good folk once and for all, but that in any case if I had in fact inflicted a wound on myself, I had done nothing of the sort to them, etc." (ibid.) (Note the "etc.," which suggests a longer "answer" to the charges against him.) Vincent also speaks of the mayor as if he has had direct interaction with him (JLB 750, 3/19/1889; JLB 752, 3/29/1889; see Ch. 38, n. 62).

Circumstantial support for such a hearing can be found in the petition and police investigation report, which clearly unfolded over a period of time. The order to seize Vincent pursuant to the petition was executed on February 25. According to Salles, it was not until after Vincent was seized on that day that the police began interviewing the petitioners ("After his entry into the hospital, the superintendent of police has interviewed those who signed the petition" (b1048 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/1/1889). The police investigation report was dated February 27, but the municipal authorities did not add their "conclusions" and approve the order to expel Vincent until March 3. Salles's letters to Theo from this crucial interval -- between February 27 and March 3 -- sound like a lawyer's brief, picking apart the case against his "client" Vincent: "I have read some of [the police investigation] and am of the opinion that exaggeration plays a part in it. It is clear, however, that as things stand the people are scared of your brother and have egged each other on. The things they accuse your brother of (assuming that they are true), do not justify declaring a man mad and claiming that he ought to be locked up." (ibid.)

44. had been exaggerated BVG 590, 5/3/1889.

Context:
JLB 768, 5/3/1889: "We can't do anything about it, but more than probably they'd refuse me there, at least here where my adventure is too well known, and above all exaggerated."

729 45. "I answered roundly" BVG 579, 3/19/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 43.) Vincent echoes this same sentiment in a statement he made to Salles, which was passed on to Theo almost verbatim (apparently): "If the police, he said, had protected my liberty by preventing the children and even grown-ups to collect round my lodgings and climb up to my window as they have done (as if I were a strange animal), I would have remained more calm; in any case I have done nobody any harm and I am no danger to anyone" (b1049 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/18/1889).

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "I bluntly replied that I was entirely disposed to chuck myself into the water, for example, if that could make these virtuous fellows happy once and for all, but that in any case if in fact I had wounded myself I had done nothing of the sort to these people &c."

46. "I would have remained" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 31: This is Salles's report of his conversation with Vincent on the subject of the petition. Salles does not enclose the sentence in quotes, but he does shift from a third-person to a first-person construction which indicates that he is trying to evoke Vincent's exact wording: "That document bothers him a great deal. If the police, he said, had protected my liberty by preventing the children and even grown-ups to collect round my lodgings and climb up to my window as they have done (as if I were a strange animal), I would have remained more calm." 47. "gawking idiots" BVG 605, 9/7/1889-9/8/1889.

Context:
BVG 605, 9/7/1889-9/8/1889: "Others would have used a revolver in my place, and had one killed gawking idiots like that, as an artist one would certainly have been acquitted. It would have been better had I done that."
JLB 801, 9/10/1889: "Others in my position would have used a revolver, and indeed, had one killed onlookers like that as an artist one would have been acquitted. I would have done better in that case then."

48. "If these fellows here" BVG 579, 3/19/1889.

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "If these fellows here protest against me, I protest against them, and they just have to provide me with damages and interest in a friendly way, in short they just have to give me back what I would lose by their fault and ignorance."

49. heros like Victor Hugo BVG 581, 3/24/1889.

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "Must I suffer imprisonment or the madhouse -- why not? Didn't [Victor Henri Marquis de] Rochefort[-Luçay] with [Victor] Hugo, [Edgar] Quinet and others give an eternal example by suffering exile, and the first even the penal colony. But all I want to say is that this is above the question of sickness and health."

50. "mischievous opposition" BVG 580, 3/22/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 42.)

Context:
BVG 580, 3/22/1889: "From the start I have been faced with very mischievous opposition here. All this stir will naturally be good for "impressionism," but you and I as individuals will suffer because of a pack of skunks and cowards."
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "Right from the beginning I had very malicious opposition here. All this fuss will naturally do good to 'Impressionism,' but you and I personally, we'll suffer for a bunch of bastards and cowards."

51. "eternal example" BVG 581, 3/24/1889.

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: "Am I to suffer imprisonment or the madhouse? Why not? Didn't Rochefort and Hugo, Quinet and others give an eternal example by submitting to exile, and the first even to a convict prison?"
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "Must I suffer imprisonment or the madhouse -- why not? Didn't Rochefort with Hugo, Quinet and others give an eternal example by suffering exile, and the first even the penal colony."

52. "the first and last cause" BVG 581, 3/24/1889. By a convoluted route, Vincent imagines himself as the successor to Hugo and others as a martyr to his ideas (see Ch. 38, n. 49). Recognizing that this comparison constitutes extraordinary self-flattery, he steps back slightly: "Naturally one is beside oneself in parallel cases -- I don't say equivalent cases, as I have only a very inferior and secondary place -- but I say parallel" (JLB 752, 3/24/1889). But then restates the case even more unequivocally: "And that was the first and last cause of my going out of my mind." Elsewhere in the same letter, he makes a related (but less noble) argument that his excesses of drinking and poor eating were also acts of heroism demanded by his art: "Mr. Rey says that instead of eating enough and regularly I have been particularly sustaining myself with coffee and alcohol. I admit all that, but it will still be true that I had to key myself up a bit to reach the high yellow note I reached this summer." (ibid.)

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: "Naturally one is beside oneself in parallel cases. I do not say equivalent, being in a very inferior and secondary place to theirs, but I do say parallel. And that is what the first and last cause of my aberration was."
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "Naturally one is beside oneself in parallel cases -- I don't say equivalent cases, as I have only a very inferior and secondary place -- but I say parallel. And that was the first and last cause of my going out of my mind."

53. "An artist is a man" BVG 581, 3/24/1889; JLB 752, 3/24/1889 (we have combined elements from both translations); emphasis in original.

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: "And that after all, an artist is a man with his work to do, and it is not for the first idler who comes along to crush him for good."
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "That, after all, the artist is a man at work, and that it's not for the first passer-by who comes along to vanquish him once and for all."

54. "All this stir will ultimately" BVG 580, 3/22/1889.

Context:
BVG 580, 3/22/1889: " All this stir will naturally be good for 'impressionism,' but you and I as individuals will suffer because of a pack of skunks and cowards."
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: " All this fuss will naturally do good to 'Impressionism,' but you and I personally, we'll suffer for a bunch of bastards and cowards."

55. Vincent's feelings of betrayal Lubin offers a possible insight into the deepest resonances of Vincent's reaction to the petition against him: "This episode was representative of the way Vincent set himself up as a martyr and then exploited the reaction for the benefit of his self-esteem. He was jeered and threatened by a crowd, even as Christ was jeered and threatened in Gethsemane, and Christ, too, was seized and falsely convicted." (Lubin, p. 185.) 56. "it should be the doctors" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 30. 57. a Doctor Delon "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: The introduction to the police investigation incorporates Delon's report by reference, although the report itself has not survived. According to the police investigators, "Monsieur le Docteur Delon" had submitted his report on February 7. Surely it is not a coincidence that on the same day, Reverend Salles wrote Theo, "What should be done now? After having discussed the matter with the administrator, the house physician and Doctor Deloy, we decided that I would write to you for your advice." (b1046 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/7/1889.) We believe that the police's "Doctor Delon" and Salles's "Doctor Deloy" are the same person, apparently a doctor of some authority on the hospital staff. (The spelling in the official document is more likely to be accurate.) It is possible that this is the same doctor Vincent refers to several times "knows what Delacroix and Puvis de Chavannes are all about, and who's very curious to know about Impressionism" (JLB 732, 1/7/1889).  58. "mental alienation" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: The police investigation report does not explicitly attribute this diagnosis to the Delon, but abuts the two: "Given the attached petition of the inhabitants of the Place Lamartine, concerning the actions of one Vincent van Goghe [sic], Dutch subject, suffering from mental alienation; in view of the attached report by Doctor Delon of the seventh of this month and the orders of the Mayor of Arles, prescribing that the degree of Van Goghe's [sic] madness be established; [we] proceeded with an investigation." Since "mental alienation" (d'aliénation mentale) was, at the time, a specific medical condition, not a poetic expression, we believe the police would not have used it without Delon's introducing it, or accepting it, in the assessment of "the degree of Van Goghe's [sic] madness." Delon's dire view of Vincent's condition can be inferred from Salles's letter of February 7, the date on which Salles met with Delon and on which Delon prepared his report for the police investigation (see Ch. 38, n. 57). In his letter to Theo the same day, Salles summarized what was obviously the shared opinion of Vincent's doctors at the time, including Rey: "It is clear that your brother should be watched continuously and should have the special attention which he can only receive in a mental hospital or in the family. He cannot stay in the hospital; for one thing he would be very badly accommodated there, assuming that one would be prepared to keep him for a few days. ... I regret, dear Monsieur, to bring you such painful news." (b1046 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/7/1889.) 59. "an act of cruelty" Salles, "On the Petition and Investigation Report," pp. 134, 135. "Yet it seems to me, and this view is shared by M. Rey, that it would constitute an act of cruelty to lock up a man permanently who has done nobody any harm and who, as a result of treatment based on kindness, can return to his normal state. I repeat, all who are concerned with him at the hospital want to do what is best for him and everyone is prepared to do all that is possible to prevent his transfer to a mental home." As discussed later in the chapter, we believe this apparent contradiction between Rey's beliefs (as reported by Salles) and his inaction can be explained in terms of Salles's ongoing, unsuccessful, project to convince Theo to bring Vincent to Paris to be with his family. 60. "public danger" "Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., pp. 133-134: "Van Goghe [sic] does not yet constitute a public danger, but we fear that he may become one." 61. an angry landlord See Ch. 38, n. 22. It must be said that if the landlord Soulé's intention was to use public animosity and the petition process to oust Vincent from the Yellow House, his plan did not go smoothly. All the time that Vincent sat in the Hôtel Dieu, the Yellow House remained closed, unrentable, with Vincent's possessions still in it. 62. a pusillanimous mayor BVG 581, 3/24/1889: This is clearly what Vincent thought, at least. In another letter, Vincent speaks of the mayor more sympathetically as a decent man caught in the quagmire of politics: "I'm convinced that Mr. Mayor, as well as the chief of police, are more like friends and that they'll do everything they can to settle all this" (JLB 750, 3/19/1889). This assessment, of course, should be seen in light of Vincent's many claims of good relations with the locals, all of which turn out to be either delusional or intended to ease Theo's concern, or both.

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "It's still the case that if things were to be messed up for me in my work and in my life every day by gendarmes and venomous layabouts of municipal electors who petition against me to their mayor elected by them (and who is consequently keen on their votes) it would be only human on my part that I should succumb once more."

63. "under lock and key" BVG 579, 3/19/1889. In a letter a few days later, Vincent reveals to Theo that his "keepers" will not let him leave the hospital: "If on your side you would write, try to influence them so that I have the right to go out into the town nevertheless" (JLB 751, 3/22/1889).

Context:
BVG 579, 3/19/1889: "Here I am, shut up in a cell all the livelong day, under lock and key and with keepers, without my guilt being proved or even open to proof."
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "Anyway, here I am, shut up for long days under lock and key and with warders in the isolation cell, without my culpability being proven or even provable."

64. alone in an observation chamber b1057 V/1962, "Rey, Félix" to "Gogh, Theo van", 2/12/1889: The phrase is Dr. Rey's, who reported in mid-February that, when Vincent was admitted at that time, "I then received him and put him in an observation chamber." According to Doiteau and Leroy, "At the end of February [Vincent] had another acute confusional attack. This one was long and lasted until mid-March. He spends practically the whole period in the hospital's padded cell." (Doiteau and Leroy, p. 190.) 730 65. "dangerous lunatic" BVG 579, 3/19/1889. We read the following passage from the first letter after Vincent's long silence to indicate that he eventually realized that the more angry he became at the injustice of his confinement, the more likely he was to appear to be, indeed, mad, and thereby justify (and prolong) his confinement.

Context:
BVG 579, 3/19/1889: "Only to let you know that as for setting me free -- mind, I do not ask it, being persuaded that the whole accusation will be reduced to nothing -- but I do say that as for getting me freed, you would find it difficult. If I did not restrain my indignation, I should at once be thought a dangerous lunatic."
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "Only to warn you: to free me -- first I don't ask it, being sure that all of this accusation will be reduced to nothing. Only I say to you, you would find it difficult to free me. If I didn't restrain my indignation I would immediately be judged to be a dangerous madman."

66. his pipe and tobacco, too BVG 579, 3/19/1889.

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "Having nothing else to distract me -- I'm even forbidden to smoke -- which, however, the other patients are allowed to do."

67. not allowed even a book BVG 581, 3/24/1889. We know that Vincent did not have any books while in the isolation cell because he writes Theo after his first release in late March: "I took advantage of my trip out to buy a book, Ceux de la glèbe by Camille Lemonnier. I've devoured two chapters of it -- it's so serious, so profound. Wait for me to send it to you. This is the first time for several months that I've picked up a book." Ceux de la Glèbe (Those of the Soil) was a just-published collection of short stories by the Belgian naturalist Lemonnier, all of which focused on the "travails of rural labor" (Sund, p. 221). (The book was dedicated to "children of the soil.") Vincent had admired Lemonnier's work since early 1883, when he described another of his tales of peasant life (Un Male) as "very strongly done in the manner of Zola. Everything observed from nature and everything analyzed" (JLB 342, 5/10/1883). Sund notes that " Ceux de la Glèbe was the last Naturalist book [Vincent] ever mentioned buying" (Sund, p. 221).

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "I took advantage of my trip out to buy a book, Ceux de la glèbe by Camille Lemonnier. I've devoured two chapters of it -- it's so serious, so profound. Wait for me to send it to you. This is the first time for several months that I've picked up a book."

68. or a breath of fresh air BVG 579, 3/19/1889: This is among Vincent's first complaints after emerging from his long, silent confinement. This comports with his report, in the same letter that "here I am, shut up for long days under lock and key and with warders" (JLB 750, 3/19/1889; emphasis added). The complaint about being deprived of "fresh air" may, however, refer only to trips outside the hospital (which he was allowed during his previous confinement) and not count brief, supervised walks around the hospital's inner courtyard. The air in hospitals was generally considered unhealthy and Vincent may not have considered such perambulations as opportunities to breathe truly "fresh air." On the other hand, the doctors may have considered Vincent a flight risk if he were released from his cell for any reason; or the families of other patients in the hospital (which was not, after all, an asylum) may have objected to Vincent being loose, even with supervision, among the hospital's general population.

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "If -- let's say -- I were to become definitively insane -- certainly I don't say that it's impossible, in any case they should treat me differently, give me back the fresh air, my work &c."

69. Salles brought him some paints Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 27-28: "It has been decided that someone will go with him in order that he may collect his brushes and paints so that he may find some distraction during his stay at the hospital." 70. "made him wild" b2050 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/16/1889: This is what Theo tells Jo, undoubtedly based on a (missing) report from Salles: "They had hoped to give him some diversion by giving him his brushes & paint but it appears to have had the opposite effect and made him wild." This probably from the "short letter" from Salles that Theo reports receiving to his sister Wil on March 15. To her, he speaks more generally about the discouraging news from Arles: "I can't tell you how it depresses me to think of poor Vincent. At last I received a small letter from Ds Salles. Just as I thought his condition is the same, but certainly not better. Therefore it is just about decided that he will be transferred to Aix. I expected this, but it is now certain that it will be quite a while before he will be completely healthy." (b0921 V/1962, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Gogh, Willemina van'', 3/15/1889.) 71. "I miss the work" BVG 580, 3/22/1889; emphasis in original.

Context:
BVG 580, 3/22/1889: "As far as I can judge, I am not properly speaking a madman. You will see that the canvases I have done in the intervals are steady and not inferior to the others. I miss the work more than it tires me."
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "As far as I can judge I'm not mad, strictly speaking. You'll see that the canvases I've done in the intervals are calm and not inferior to others. I miss work rather than it tires me." (Emphasis in original.)

72. "The work takes my mind" BVG 576, 2/3/1889: Vincent said this right before his second hospitalization in early February.

Context:
BVG 576, 2/3/1889: As far as work is concerned, this month hasn't been bad on the whole, and as the work takes my mind off things, or rather keeps me in order, I don't deprive myself of it.
JLB 745, 2/3/1889: "As for work, the month hasn't been bad after all, and the work distracts me, or rather keeps me in order, so I don't deprive myself of it."

73. he wrote no one His letters were already trailing off before the hospitalization in late February. He wrote Theo on February 18, in his penultimate letter before his month of solitude and silence: "As long as my mind was so out of sorts it would have been fruitless to try and write to you to reply to your kind letter" (JLB 747, 2/18/1889). In the same letter, he adds "Warm regards to Gauguin, I hope he's going to write to me, I'll write to him too" (ibid.). No letter from or to Gauguin from this period has survived. In a later letter, Vincent asks Theo to "[e]xplain to [Émile] Bernard that I haven't been able to reply to him," and gives excuses why it was difficult to write from his cell: "it's quite a performance to write a letter: at least as many formalities are necessary as in prison now" (JLB 750, 3/19/1889). After the next letter dated c. February 22 (JLB 748, 2/25/1889), there are no more letters until March 19 (JLB 750, 3/19/1889). It appears there are no missing letters, as Vincent begins JLB 750, 3/19/1889, with this apology: "I seemed to see so much restrained brotherly anguish in your kind letter that it seems to me to be my duty to break my silence." He goes on to reveal the primary reason for his long silence: he does not want Theo to worry ("I would have preferred not to write to you yet for fear of compromising you and disturbing you in what must work out above all") -- especially on the eve of his wedding. "After your marriage we can deal with sorting all this out" he writes, "and in the meantime, my word, leave me here quietly." About his own situation, Vincent reassures his brother unreassuringly that, "except for freedom, except for lots of things that I would wish otherwise, I'm not too bad." He makes the sad argument that it was his choice to remain in confinement ("I myself fear a little that if I go outside at liberty I wouldn't always be master of myself if I was provoked or insulted, and one could take advantage of that") and ends on a note that basically admits all of his stoic calm is a pretense: "What can you say, to suffer without complaining is the only lesson that has to be learned in this life" (ibid.). 74. and no one wrote him Theo wrote Vincent a letter sometime between February 17 and February 22. The next known letter (JLB 749, 3/16/1889) dates from March 16. The latter was apparently the letter that was withheld from Vincent by the hospital staff until a visit by Reverend Salles on March 18, which he reported to Theo: "When I entered the hospital the porter handed me a letter for him, which I recognized as coming from you. He thought that your brother might not be fit to read it. But I had scarcely entered his room when I noticed his remarkable improvement and did not hesitate to give the letter to him. He read it in my presence and even read to me the last part in which you speak of a friend, a painter like himself who would want to come to Arles." (b1049 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/18/1889.)

This passage suggests that even if Theo did write, which we do not know that he did, his letters might not have been given to Vincent because of either perceived volatility or inaccessibility. There is a hint of an interim letter that met such a fate in this passage from the letter that Vincent wrote immediately in response to JLB 749, 3/16/1889: "I have a vague memory of a registered letter from you for which I was made to sign but which I didn't want to accept because they were making such a fuss for the signature, and of which I've since had no more news" (JLB 750, 3/19/1889). In the same letter, Vincent asks Theo, "How are Mother and our sister?" suggesting either that they had not written in the previous month or that their letters had not found their way to him. The thrust of the text, of course, is not that no one wrote Vincent, but that, for whatever reasons, Vincent heard from no one during his month of solitude.

75. Except for Salles's rare visits BVG 580, 3/22/1889: Yet there are long lapses in Salles's communications with Theo, which suggest corresponding lapses in his visits to Vincent. In the first two weeks of March, in particular, Salles appears to have been kept away by Vincent's poor condition. Salles's letter to Theo dated March 18 (b1049 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/18/1889) refers to two letters that crossed in the mail, neither of which, apparently, has survived. Salles's lost letter (probably March 13-14) is referred to in a letter that Theo wrote his sister Wil on March 15; and even Theo's summary of it (undoubtedly edited to calm concern at home) makes it clear that Vincent's situation has not improved in the two weeks since Salles's previous letter (March 2) and the prognosis is increasingly discouraging: "I can't tell you how it depresses me to think of poor Vincent. At last I received a small letter from Dr. Salles. Just as I thought his condition is the same, but certainly not better. Therefore it is just about decided that he will be transferred to Aix. I expected this, but it is now certain that it will be quite a while before he will be completely healthy." (b0921 V/1962, "Gogh, Theo van" to "Gogh, Willemina van", 3/15/1889.) When Salles writes again a few days later, however, he reports that Vincent's condition has improved somewhat, prompting yet another prayer from the ever-optimistic pastor that "his improvement might be sustained, God willing" (b1049 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/18/1889).

Context:
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "Mr. Salles is very kind and very loyal, and it's a happy contrast with others here."

76. "gnawed at" BVG W11, 4/30/1889: In a change that reflected his defeated despair, Vincent complained about his doctors.

Context:
BVG W11, 4/30/1889: "I feel I am less brave than you, when I think of such things, for I feel clumsy, unwieldy, awkward in their presence. If my memory does not deceive me, we have a Dutch proverb bearing on this -- They are not the worst fruits that wasps gnaw at …"
JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889: "I feel less brave than you when I think of these things, feeling awkward, heavy and clumsy in them. We have, if my memory serves, a Dutch proverb to this effect: they aren't the worst fruits that wasps gnaw at ... "

77. he was always watched Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 25-26: Salles reported this as a good thing: "I have arranged that a fire will be lit in his cell, which appeared very cold to me and that someone will keep watch over him during the night." This appears to have been one of Vincent's chief complaints, as it made its way into Signac's report to Theo after his visit with Vincent in late March: "He wants to leave this asylum, where after all he must necessarily suffer under the continual surveillance, which often has to be of a petty nature" (Signac to Theo, BVG 581a, 3/26/1889). In his first letter after his long silence, Vincent complained about how his "keepers" (JLB 750, 3/19/1889) "scold me about what I've smoked and drunk, fine. But what can you say, with all their sobriety they're actually only giving me new miseries." (ibid.) He blamed them for his slow recovery, saying, "if I'd had my tranquillity I'd have been back on my feet long ago" (ibid.). Some of these "keepers" were apparently nuns and priests (JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889). (For unspecified reasons, Vincent found most of the latter group "in a sad state" [ibid.].) 78. it all triggered new storms BVG 579, 3/19/1889.

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "In waiting let us hope, besides, strong emotions could only aggravate my state. Consider yourself warned that it would perhaps complicate and confuse the matter. All the more so since you'll understand that while I'm absolutely calm at the given moment, I may easily fall back into a state of over-excitement through new moral emotions."

79. "indescribable anguish" BVG 582, 3/29/1889.

Context:
BVG 582, 3/29/1889: "These last three months do seem so strange to me. Sometimes moods of indescribable mental anguish, sometimes moments when the veil of time and the fatality of circumstances seemed to be torn apart for an instant."
JLB 753, 3/29/1889: "How strange these last three months appear to me. Sometimes nameless moral anguish, then moments when the veil of time and of the inevitability of circumstances seemed to open up a little way for the space of a blink of an eye."

80. "revolted" Salles, quoted in Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 31: Salles reported: "[Vincent] understands, of course, that he is being treated as someone who is out of his mind and this both troubles and revolts him." 81. "deep remorse" BVG 588, 4/30/1889.

Context:
BVG 588, 4/30/1889: "I was fighting a losing battle, or rather it was weakness of character on my part, for I am left with feelings of deep remorse about it, difficult to describe. I think that was the reason I cried out so much during the attacks -- I wanted to defend myself and couldn't do it."
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "It was fighting against insurmountable odds, or rather it was weakness of character on my part, for I still have feelings of grave remorse difficult to define. I think that was the cause of my crying out so much during the crises, that I wanted to defend myself and could no longer manage to."

82. "loathing of life" BVG 592, 5/22/1889: After his flight to Saint-Rémy in May, Vincent recalls clearly the horrors that stalked him in the silence and solitude of the Arles hospital.

Context:
BVG 592, 5/22/1889: "At present this horror of life is already less pronounced, and the melancholy less acute. But I still have no will, and hardly any desires, or none at all that are to do with ordinary life, for example, almost no wish to see friends, although I do think of them. That is why I am not ready to leave here now or in the near future. I should feel depressed about everything again. And anyway, it is only recently that my loathing of life has been drastically changed. There is still a long way to go from that to willing and doing."
JLB 776, 5/23/1889: "At present this horror of life is already less pronounced, and the melancholy less acute. But I still have absolutely no will, hardly any desires or none, and everything that has to do with ordinary life, the desire for example to see friends again, about whom I think however, almost nil. That's why I'm not yet at the point where I ought to leave here soon, I would still have melancholy for everything. And it's even only in these very last days that the repulsion for life has changed quite radically. There's still a way to go from there to will and action." (Emphasis in original.)

83. he plunged into a terrified silence Salles, quoted in Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 24-26: This is the condition in which Salles found him after his second hospitalization in early February: "I have just seen him and got a very painful impression of the condition he is in. He hides himself in absolute silence, covers himself with his bedclothes and at times cries without uttering a single word." Vincent recalls the same condition when his month of solitude ends, but blames it on the doctors: "The administration of the hospital is -- how shall I put it -- Jesuit, they're very, very shrewd, very learned, very powerful, even Impressionistic ... they know how to obtain information with an unheard-of subtlety -- but -- but -- it astonishes and confuses me -- yet ... Anyway, there you have something of the cause of my silence." (JLB 751, 3/22/1889.) In her account, Bonger writes that after his second hospitalization in late February, "Vincent himself kept the deepest silence about this unhappy affair for a whole month" (Bonger, in Van Gogh, p. xlvii). 84. holding his head in his hands b0928 V/1962, "Gogh, Theo van" to "Gogh-Carbentus, Anna C. van en Gogh, Willemina van", 4/15/1890: This is the posture in which Vincent's doctor in the asylum at Saint-Rémy (see Chapter 39) later described Vincent to Theo: "It has been a month already since I received a letter from Vincent in his own handwriting. The doctor wrote last time that he is only seldom completely himself anymore. Usually he sits with his head in his hands, and if somebody talks to him it is as if it hurts him and he indicates to leave him alone." 85. "in the secret tribunal" BVG 579, 3/19/1889.

Context:
BVG 579, 3/19/1889: "Anyhow, here I am, shut up in a cell all the livelong day, under lock and key and with keepers, without my guilt being proved or even open to proof. Needless to say, in the secret tribunal of my soul I have much to reply to all that. Needless to say, I cannot be angry, and it seems to me a case of qui s'excuse s'accuse."
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "Anyway, here I am, shut up for long days under lock and key and with warders in the isolation cell, without my culpability being proven or even provable. It goes without saying that in my heart of hearts I have a lot to say in reply to all that. It goes without saying that I shouldn't get angry, and that apologizing would seem to me to be accusing myself in such a case."

86. recalling the books BVG W11, 4/30/1889.

Context:
JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889: "You don't know the reasonings of good père Pangloss in Voltaire's Candide, nor Flaubert's Bouvard et Pécuchet. These are books from man to man, and I don't know if women understand that. But the memory of that often sustains me in the uncomfortable and unenviable hours and days or nights."

87. and people he loved BVG 579, 3/19/1889. Elsewhere, Vincent writes guiltily, "But despite all that I don't give a damn at all -- were it not for the pain I'm quite involuntarily causing you thus, or rather that they're causing -- and for the delay in work &c." (JLB 751, 3/22/1889). Vincent's gratitude for Theo's continued assistance after the events of February and March is steeped in a guilt that must have haunted every minute of his solitude: "The kindness you have had for me isn't lost, since you have had it and you still have it, so even if the material results should be nil, you still have that all the more, but I can't say that as I felt it" (JLB 760, 4/21/1889).

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "Having nothing else to distract me -- I'm even forbidden to smoke -- which, however, the other patients are allowed to do. Having nothing else to do I think about all those I know all day and night long."

88. imagining the art BVG 590, 5/3/1889: Vincent emerges from the hospital in Arles with fully formed ambitions about revising and reprising some of his images.

Context:
JLB 768, 5/3/1889: "If I remain a painter, then sooner or later I'll probably see Paris again, and I firmly promise myself that I'll thoroughly touch up several old canvases on that occasion. If I hadn't been in such a hurry, if I'd kept my studio, this summer I would have worked again on all the canvases I've sent you. As long as the impasto isn't dry all the way through, naturally it can't be scraped."

731 89. "Everything for nothing" BVG 580, 3/22/1889: Note we have slightly altered the translation.

Context:
BVG 580, 3/22/1889: "After all this for nothing, provided you go straight to your goal -- a secure home for you is a great gain for me too -- and that done, we can perhaps find another, more peaceful, way of settling things after your marriage."
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "Anyway, all of that is nothing provided you walk straight towards your goal -- once your home is secured, there's a lot won for me too, and once that's done we can perhaps rediscover a more peaceful path after your marriage."

90. "It is a shame" BVG 579, 3/19/1889.

Context:
BVG 579, 3/19/1889: " It is a shame -- and all, so to speak, for nothing. I will not deny that I would rather have died than have caused and suffered such trouble."
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: " What misery -- and all of it, so to speak, for nothing. I won't hide from you that I would have preferred to die than to cause and bear so much trouble."

91. "torrent of enthusiasm" b2047 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/14/1889: The show had been a modest success from the time it opened in February, despite a spell of bad winter weather. Theo wrote on February 28: "Things at the firm are going quite well and I've been so busy with one thing and another that I've had no time at all to read. ... no time to catch my breath." (b2041 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/28/1889.) The review by Octave Mirbeau, a prominent critic and novelist, which appeared in the March 10 edition of Le Figaro, a popular and influential journal, turned a solid crowd into a stampede. The very next day, Theo wrote, "The public flocked to the gallery this afternoon, as if Monet had emerged only yesterday as the great artist he has been for so long" (b2046 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/11/1889). Somewhat disdainfully, Theo called Mirbeau's review "a torrent of enthusiasm instead of a critical review" (b2051 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/18/1889). 92. "What a daze I've been in" Jansen and Robert, p. 217. 93. he visited Jo's brother Dries b2043 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/5/1889: "This afternoon I'm going to Passy for pancakes. It's Shrove Tuesday, so we're closing early. As you see, there's a lot of going back and forth between and Passy and here. Friday, Sunday & now again." 94. relaxing strolls in the woods b2044 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/7/1889: "The three of us spent the afternoon making pancakes & having a marvelous time. Then a lovely stroll through the woods & after dinner to town, where we stayed until one o'clock. First to a performance in a small theatre of sorts & after that to a café (the one we once went together) to see the masks going to the balls." 95. then a play or concert See Ch. 38, n. 94 and n. 98. 96. until long past midnight See Ch. 38, n. 94. 97. "lovely" b2039 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/25/1889. 98. Lecocq's Le petit duc b2040 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/27/1889. With a Dutch couple named Kraft (no dates), Theo went to the Eden Theater in the rue Boudreau to see the comic opera in three acts with music by Charles Lecocq and libretto by Henri Meilhac and Fromental Halévy. (See Jansen and Robert, p. 185, n. 8.) For more on what Vincent knew of Halévy. 99. Out-of-town guests See Ch. 38, n. 98. The young Dutch couple with whom Theo went to the theater were from Naarden and lived in Bussum. Theo says of them, "Actually, they appeared out of the blue, as my acquaintance with him was never more than superficial, but they were evidently glad to bump into someone they knew and have a chance to speak Dutch" (b2040 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/27/1889). 100. along with distant relatives Around mid-March, Theo's Aunt Cornelie, widow of the recently deceased Uncle Cent, passed through Paris on her way from winter quarters in Menton, on the Riviera, to her Dutch home in Princenhage, outside Breda. Theo is not thrilled at the prospect of her visit: "Now I have something tiresome to tell you. This morning I received a letter from Aunt Cornelie, all very tedious. She's thinking of coming here in the middle of April and expects to see us here, married. What it comes down to is that, endlessly apologetic, she'll want to spend as much time with us as she can, which, at the beginning, I find anything but pleasant." (b2046 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/11/1889.) 101. entertained guests of his own b2054 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/29/1889: "[Dries and I] went to my old restaurant for a meal in the evening, [Meijer] De Haan & [Joseph Jacob] Isacson came too, and afterwards to the boulevard which was very lively because of mi-carème [mid-Lent]. It was a most pleasant evening, you would have enjoyed it. During the meal De Haan's brother [Aron] from Amsterdam came by quite by chance, and that, too was nice." 102. He picked out a dinner service Jo seems somewhat taken aback that Theo arrogated this task to himself: "The dinner service was quite a surprise -- could you bring a tiny something with you when you come -- the family would love to see it" (b2046 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/11/1889). 103. bargain-shopped for banquet facilities "Yesterday our names were pasted up at the mairie [town hall] of Montmartre, and today I received a package of catalogues & special offers for wedding outfits 104. allocated cash gifts from relatives b2429 V/1982, ''Gogh-Carbentus, Anna C. van'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/25/1889: "How would you feel about using some of what we get from your Father & Mother to buy a table for the dining room?" According to a letter from Theo's mother dated February 25, Theo was supposed to receive 250 guilders from Jo's parents as a dowry. (See Jansen and Robert, p. 192; n. 6.) 105. arranged witnesses Theo was dilatory in this respect. On March 18, only a month before the wedding, he wrote Jo: "I've not arranged my witnesses yet. Ask if you will whether Cor [Theo's youngest brother] would be a witness for me. I believe he's not yet of age [at twenty-one, he was not]. Otherwise I shall ask Joh v Houten [sister Anna's husband] & Vincent van Gogh, who'll be in Amsterdam." (b2051 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/18/1889.) Note that this refers not to Theo's brother Vincent, but to his cousin Vincent, son of Theo's uncle Cor (Jansen and Robert, p. 226). It is interesting that Vincent was not only not considered as a witness, he appears to have been deliberately left in the dark about the place and time of the wedding to ensure that he would not make a surprise visit to attend (see Ch. 38, n. 224). 106. pondered honeymoon possibilities b2045 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/10/1889: "We've never talked about what to do after the wedding, as far as our honeymoon is concerned. What do you think? Should we spend a couple of days away or come here [i.e., to Paris]? Please tell me what you'd like best, because it makes no difference to me whatsoever, as long as you are with me. As soon as we get here there'll be a lot to do of course, and I can well imagine you might prefer to be away for a day or so." 107. "What does your wedding gown" b2039 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/25/1889. 108. "The painters and decorators" b4269 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/25/1889. 109. he began to hang paintings b2051 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/18/1889: On March 18, Theo wrote: "Yesterday I was busy hanging the paintings." In the same paragraph, he announced that he was having the Salon re-wallpapered. "The [old] paper was actually unsightly, so it was impossible to make anything nice of the room. I shall send you a sample of the paper as soon as I've chosen something." 110. Theo continued to dither See Ch. 38, n. 109. 111. samples of wallpaper continued See Ch. 38, n. 109. 112. "I'm rather afraid" b2041 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/28/1889: This precedes an elaborate back-and-forth about whether to have rugs or carpets or bare floor in the bedroom. Jo seems a bit astonished at the pretentious overkill of covering the parquet bedroom floors: "So, you're as rich as a king? In that case, we can furnish our home like a little palace, because that's what it sounds like from your descriptions." (b4272 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/2/1889.) 113. sometimes three or four a week Between Wednesday, February 27, and Tuesday, March 5, Theo wrote Jo four letters (see Jansen and Robert, pp. 184-197). 114. their future together "Knowing there's a little nook in this quiet street where I shall be completely at home, far away from all the turmoil life sometimes brings, and knowing I shan't be there alone, makes me feel so fortunate and so thankful" (b2051 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/18/1889). "You're on my mind all the time, and I think constantly of the future" (b2052 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/21/1889). 115. "[I] am so grateful" b2044 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/7/1889. 116. "All of a sudden a street musician" Jansen and Robert, p. 205. 732 117. "Dearest" Jansen and Robert, p. 205. 118. "my pet" b2050 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/16/1889. 119. "sweet-pea" b2045 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/10/1889. 120. "wife-to-be" b2045 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/10/1889. 121. "my dearest husband" b4280 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/21/1889. 122. they counted down the days "In three weeks time, I shall be with you" (b2045 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/10/1889). "Fourteen days from Sunday [until Theo arrives in Amsterdam]" (b4277 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/14/1889). "Four weeks tomorrow we'll be married" (b2047 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/14/1889). "Now, my love, I look forward to being a couple of weeks on" (b2051 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/18/1889). "Just one more Sunday without you and then never again" (b4280 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/21/1889). 123. he set a firm date Jansen and Robert, pp. 196-197: "If nothing intervenes, I hope to come to Amsterdam 3 weeks on Sunday [i.e., March 31], and then to go to the auction in The Hague on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday [i.e., April 1, 2, and 3]. Thursday [April 4] the banns & 14 days after that the wedding. It's getting quite close." 124. "no news from Arles" b2044 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/7/1889: "No news from Arles. It's hard being so far from one another and having no one who'll take the trouble to keep us informed." 125. "No news from Vincent yet?" b2046 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/11/1889: This is a one-sentence postscript. 126. as when news arrived Jansen and Robert, p. 184: On this occasion, Theo discourses at some length, in an aimless rumination, over the problem of what to do with Vincent: "I've received another letter from Arles saying that Vincent is back in hospital, this time at the request of the neighbors, who were probably afraid of him. ... What bothers me most is that I'd like to know whether he really is worse, or whether people's gossip has made matters worse than they actually are. ... Of course, it was foreseeable that things would turn out like this, but that doesn't make them any less bad." Another example of this "passing cloud" phenomenon comes a few weeks earlier, in mid-February, when Theo is forced to react to Jo's suggestion that Vincent move to Breda or Paris (see Ch. 38, n. 139). This innocent inquiry prompts the frantically guilty and defensive letter of February 14: "From the letter I have just received from you I realise how unloving I was & that I was thinking far more of myself than of anyone else. Indeed, one of the main problems is that, whether sick or well, his life is so barren in terms of what he gets from outside." (b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889.)

Theo goes on at great length to justify his reluctance to bring Vincent home, citing everything from his unconventional "style of dress and demeanor" to his bad reputation in Paris to his difficult personality. ("[H]e leaves his own imprint wherever he goes. He is unable not to remark on things he sees that are not as they ought to be, and this often sows conflict.") Theo ends with this pathetic, delusional attempt to reconcile his own prospect of marital bliss with Vincent's endless drain on his attention and spirits: "What I hope [Vincent] will still find one day is a woman who loves him so much that she will want to live with him." But Theo can only sustain this resolution by resorting to fiction: "Do you remember that woman in [Ivan] Turgenev's Terre vierge [Virgin Soil], who got involved with the nihilists & took the compro¬mising documents across borders? That's the sort of woman I imagine. Someone who has herself experienced the very depths of life's misery & has come to the conclusion that the unhappiest people are nevertheless the best company." (ibid.) (Jansen and Robert identify the Turgenev character as Marianna [Jansen and Robert, p. 161; n. 6].) And even this dark letter, one of the few in which the subject of Vincent predominates, ends with family chatter (about none other than Kee Vos, Vincent's former inamorata, whom Jo had just met) and epistolary canoodling ("Goodbye, my sweet little wife, I shall write again soon ... with a kiss from your Theo") and a postscript about the Monet show.

127. "this time at the request" Jansen and Robert, p. 184. (See Ch. 38, n. 126.) 128. "And Arles?" b4278 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/16/1889: "And Arles? Theo, why do you not tell me anything about Vincent? Doesn't the physician ever write to you any more? Do let me know how things are going. Are Vincent's beautiful fruit trees hanging in the salon?" Note how the inquiry about Vincent quickly segues into a discussion of the decoration of the new apartment -- which is not to cast aspersion on the sincerity of Jo Bonger's sympathy for Vincent's plight, only to suggest the extent to which both lovebirds used the quotidian to block out the bleak. 129. "What a wretched flaw" b0731 V/1962, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Gogh, Vincent van'', 3/16/1889: "What a wretched flaw in an otherwise cloudless sky. After all, [Vincent] would have gained something too if he were well, because he would have had your affection. Who knows what suffering still awaits him." This is at once both sympathetic and narcissistic. The implication is that Vincent's plight is unfortunate primarily because it deprives him of sharing in the happiness that Theo and Jo are enjoying. Theo does not tell Jo that she or they would have "gained something" if Vincent were well. The entire center of gravity of Theo's happiness appears to have shifted to Jo, to the point that Theo proposes marriage as the only real solution to Vincent's problems (see Ch. 38, n. 126). 130. "A decision must be taken" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 26-27. 131. "It is not permissible" BVG 577, 2/17/1889. In the same vein, Theo wrote Jo around the same time: "But once again, I believe there is nothing to be done for him except allow him to do as he pleases" (b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889).

Context:
BVG 577, 2/17/1889: "But in my character as a painter and a workman it is not permissible for anyone, not even you or a doctor, to take such a step without warning me and consulting me about it, also because since up till now I have always kept a comparative presence of mind in my work, I should have the right to say (or at least to have an opinion on) whether it would be better to keep my studio here or to move to Aix altogether."
JLB 747, 2/18/1889: "But in my capacity as painter and workman it isn't permissible for anyone, not even you or the doctor, to take such a course of action without warning me and consulting me myself about it too, because as up to now I've always kept my relative presence of mind for my work, it's my right to say then (or at least to have an opinion on) what would be best, to keep my studio here or to move completely to Aix" (emphasis in original).

132. "Let me go quietly on" BVG 574, 1/28/1889.

Context:
JLB 743, 1/28/1889: "Let me quietly continue my work, if it's that of a madman, well, too bad."

133. sometimes in the same letter b2009 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/9/1889: These two strains of Theo's denial -- his fear that Vincent could never be cured and his confidence that he would ultimately be vindicated -- hopelessness and hopefulness -- intertwine in this single paragraph, showing clearly how the two combined to paralyze Theo's thinking (and action) on Vincent's treatment: "If only we could do something for him, but I fear no one will be able to cure him completely. That mind has for so long been preoccupied with things our society today has made impossible to solve & which he, with his kind heart & tremendous energy, nevertheless fought against. His efforts have not been in vain, but he may never be able to witness their fruits, for it will be too late by the time people understand what he was expressing in his paintings. He is one of the most progressive of the painters & even I, who am so close to him, find him difficult to understand. He holds such sweeping ideas on questions of what is humane and how we should regard the world, that one first has to relinquish all one's conventional ideas in order to grasp what he means. But one day he will be understood. When? that is the question." This letter conveys extraordinarily well Theo's complex and somewhat perplexed yet ultimately sympathetic attitude toward his brother's work. 134. Theo had successfully stonewalled From the beginning, Dr. Rey clearly expressed his belief that the optimal solution was for Theo to take Vincent to an asylum in or near Paris, dependent only on whether or not Theo had sufficient "resources" (b1056 V/1962, ''Rey, Félix'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 12/30/1888). By early February, Salles had prepared a detailed plan for Vincent's transfer to Paris. In reply, Theo wrote that transferring Vincent to Paris would be "fine, if that was what Vincent wanted," but added a catalogue of lame reasons why it was, in fact, not a fine idea at all: "it would be more difficult if he were here than somewhere else to persuade him to be nursed in hospital, for as always he would be put off by not knowing the institutions here. … he would be better off in Marseille or Aix, which are closer to him, firstly because the climate there, which has a strong influence on him, is almost the same as in Arles & it would be easier to let him go home from there if there are times when he is well." (b2009 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/9/1889.) By the beginning of March, unpersuaded by these excuses, Salles was calling it "criminal for Vincent to be put away" in an asylum (b1051 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/2/1889) and virtually demanding that Vincent be taken care of by his family (see Ch. 38, n. 130), as were Vincent's neighbors in their petition to the mayor (see Ch. 38, n. 5). When Signac visited Arles toward the end of March, he found that Rey's position had not changed at all in the intervening three months: "At any rate, if [Vincent] does not go back to Paris, which in Mr. Rey's opinion would be preferable, it would be necessary for him to move to another house, as his neighbors are hostile to him" (Signac to Theo, BVG 581a, 3/26/1889; emphasis added).

Yet, in his letters to Jo throughout this period, Theo continues to claim that the doctors are uncertain about how best to deal with Vincent's problem. In late February, he belatedly reports his dilemma but poses it as if it had just emerged: "This time a decision has to be taken about him being committed to an asylum, either in Aix or somewhere near here" (b2040 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/27/1889). "I'm curious to hear what the doctors in Arles decide" (b2041 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/28/1889). The thrust of Theo's narrative is always that he is waiting for the doctors' decision when, in fact, the doctors have been waiting for months for his decision. Finally, in mid-March, on the eve of his departure for Holland, he tells Jo the truth as if he had just discovered it: "They [i.e., the doctors] evidently don't want to take a decision without my stating explicitly that I wish him to be committed to an asylum. This responsibility is a heavy burden." (b2050 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/16/1889.) But he responds by immediately throwing the burden back at them: "I wrote saying I would consent if the doctors considered it beneficial" (ibid.). He does give Jo a glimpse of the reason he has resisted making a decision for so long: "it's harrowing to think of him being in an institution when the spring comes, with high walls all around and no one but lunatics for company" (ibid.). But, of course, spring was never the issue. He had been delaying the decision since December because Paris was the last place he wanted his brother. Theo inadvertently revealed his reasons in a letter to Jo in February: "it would be more difficult if he were here than somewhere else to persuade him to be nursed in hospital" (b2009 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/9/1889). In other words, if Vincent were in Paris, he would never stay in an asylum; he would inevitably come to live with them. That prospect was unacceptable, but saying so explicitly -- to Jo, to the doctors, or to Vincent -- was impossible.

135. "I wish Vincent could be home" b4271 V/1984, "Gogh-Carbentus, Anna C. van en Gogh, Willemina van" to "Gogh, Theo van", 1/28/1889: "I wish Vincent could be home. I would really dare to try, but mother has too many concerns. It is so unnatural that others are taking care of him and that we don't do anything for him. I can't bear it. Couldn't he stay around here somewhere?" (For Jansen and Robert's translation, see Ch. 38, n. 136.) 136. Mother Anna opposed the idea Jansen and Robert, p. 187. Wil wrote: "If only Vincent could be at home, I should so like to try that and would take it upon myself, but Mother is strongly against it. It's unnatural that other people should be tending him and looking after him while we do nothing. I can't bear it, could he not be somewhere near here?" (b4271 V/1984, "Gogh-Carbentus, Anna C. van en Gogh, Willemina van" to "Gogh, Theo van", 1/28/1889, quoted in Jansen, p. 187; n. 2; for an alternate translation, see Ch. 38, n. 135.) 137. the fourth anniversary Dorus van Gogh died on March 26, 1885. (See Chapter 23.) 138. forgiveness eluded her b2924 V/1982, "Gogh-Carbentus, Anna C. van" to "Gogh, Theo en Jo van", 3/23/1890: Anna van Gogh tried to make a pilgrimage to her husband's grave in Nuenen every year on or near the anniversary of his death. She was not able to mark the exact date in 1889, partly because of the to-do over Theo's upcoming wedding, although she did go to Nuenen in early February of that year, writing Theo: "In the evening of the day before yesterday [Wednesday, January 30] I arrived on familiar grounds; in the lovely house where the dear Father spent the last hours of his life and is never forgotten. ... From here I will make a difficult journey to the cemetery." (b2860 V/1982, ''Gogh-Carbentus, Anna C. van'' to ''Gogh, Theo en Jo van'', 2/2/1889.) If this painful annual ritual were not evidence enough of the freshness of her grief over Dorus's death, we have this remembrance from March 23 of the following year, 1890: "Today: the last Sunday before that dreadful day [i.e., March 26, the day of Dorus's death] ... I would always be there [in Nuenen] by the 26th of this month but now it is best that, God willing, I will go there later. I do not need it as a reminder. It is still so fresh in my mind, like it only happened recently." (b2924 V/1982, ''Gogh-Carbentus, Anna C. van'' to ''Gogh, Theo en Jo van'', 3/23/1890.) 733 139. "Theo dear" b4264 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/12/1889: "Theo dear, don't be cross if I say something which might be very foolish or tactless, but couldn't he go home, like any ordinary person who was ill? Wouldn't Wil do him good? Or if he were in Paris now, you could simply go and see him. As things are, he is all alone and so very far away. But of course I'm making a judgment without knowing anything at all -- you know best what should be done." 140. she inquired sweetly b4256 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 1/25/1889: Jo's naïveté is touching, and, no doubt, touched Theo. In late January, she wrote Theo that, once they were married, "I'm afraid [Vincent] will see me as a nuisance." Her solution was to ask Theo to "Write and tell him your little wife will take up hardly any space and everything will be just the same as before, will it not?" In her next letter, she suggested even more improbably that the solution to Vincent's problem was marriage (b4257 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 1/27/1889). Like Vincent and Theo, she approaches the sensitive subject indirectly, using a discourse on art (in this case, the poet Heinrich Heine) as cover: "I do love [Heine]. He is the wittiest, most entertaining storyteller I know, and profound and sensitive as well. But, as you say, he is not someone one can build on -- he leaves you no peace and quiet for yourself -- there's something out of balance in him, which is why he made himself so deeply unhappy -- he must have suffered terribly in his life -- but it's good to know he had his Mathilde at his side in the years he needed her most." (ibid.) 141. "a noble, lofty spirit" b4256 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 1/25/1889: In late January, after Theo sent her one of Vincent's "healthy" letters, Jo wrote: "First of all, thank you very much for sending me Vincent's letter -- you had often talked about him, about how much you loved him -- but now I know what you mean and realise what an influence he must have had on your life -- it reflects such a noble, lofty spirit ... after his letter I'm longing even more to get to know him and love him." 142. "quiet, friendly environment" b4264 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/12/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 139.) 143. "Wouldn't that calm his nerves" b4264 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/12/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 139.) 144. "If he were in Paris now" b4264 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/12/1889: Note that Theo does not tell Jo that his mother, although stoutly opposed to taking care of Vincent in Breda (see Ch. 38, n. 136), had made exactly the same argument as Jo in favor of bringing Vincent to an asylum near Paris: "if the transfer is to take place, I hope it can be somewhere in the vicinity of Paris so at least you would be close to him." She ends on a cryptic, flailing caveat: "Oh, if it were only a bit neater, you would be a consolation" (b4271 V/1984, ''Gogh-Carbentus, Anna C. van en Gogh, Willemina van'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 1/28/1889). This is surprising from mother Anna who otherwise bewailed the burden that Vincent's illness placed on Theo, especially at a time that would otherwise have been so filled with happiness. "Oh, what a dark cloud, and you, dear Theo, dealing with it all on your own, everything seems to land on your doorstep." She must have felt some concern about Vincent's welfare, despite her inability to forgive him the injuries he had caused his family. But another possible explanation is that she feared another public embarrassment, like the one in Arles, if Vincent were not taken to a private facility where Theo's proximity would ensure that discretion was observed and would be available in case of an emergency. 145. "If you knew him" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889. 146. "From his style of dress" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889. 147. such behavior might be understandable b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889: Immediately after starkly saying that "for years everyone who sees him has said C'est un fou [he's a madman]," Theo adds blithely and unconvincingly: "I don't mind that at all." Everything else in the letter points in the opposite direction: "Even those with whom he is the best of friends find him difficult to get along with, as he spares nothing and no one." Clearly, Theo intended to include himself in this comprehensive indictment, as he follows it immediately with his own witness: "The year we spent living together was extremely difficult, even though we often agreed with one another, particularly toward the end." Actually, Theo and Vincent lived together for almost two years in Paris, not one. 148. "many painters have gone insane" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889: This is one of Theo's sadder arguments and may represent a rare direct view into his deepest dread, even as it shows the extent to which he has internalized Vincent's rationalizations: "Sadly enough, many painters have gone insane yet nevertheless started to produce true art. Some have been cured, but not all. Vincent calls himself Adolphe Monticelli's follower & Monticelli is precisely someone who was unhinged for years & who died like that. Genius roams along such mysterious paths in the mind that a spell of dizziness can bring it hurtling down from its heights. At present, he needs medical care more than anything else at all & he can get all he requires in Arles." 149. "but at home" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889. 150. He retold the fiasco b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889: "There is also another reason why I am worried about him coming here. In Paris he saw masses of things he wanted to paint, but time and again he was prevented from doing so. Models didn't want to pose for him, he was forbidden to sit and work in the street & because of his volatile disposition this repeatedly led to scenes, which upset him so much that he became completely unapproachable & by the end of it all he'd had more than enough of Paris." 151. "By the end of it all" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 150.) 152. "Even those with whom" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889. 153. "There's something" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889. 154. "lots of enemies" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889. 155. "There's no such thing" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889: "[Vincent] is not the sort of man to go off just to enjoy himself for a while & that's how he would regard it, if he saw no purpose to it. There's no such thing as a peaceful environment for him, except in the countryside or with very simple people, like the Roulins." There is an element of disingenuousness about some of these arguments. Jo doesn't have the entire story about Vincent, and Theo is taking advantage of that. He knows, and she doesn't, for example, that Vincent had taken the bourgeois romantic infatuation with peasant life, which Jo no doubt shared, to delusional extremes in Nuenen and, given the chance, would do so again in Arles, if not for the distance imposed by the officious Roulin and by his wife's distaste for Vincent. 156. "He spares nothing and no one" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889. 157. Louis Rivet, the doctor See Chapter 28. 158. "Rivet says" b2042 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/1/1889. 159. "you could simply go" b4264 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/12/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 144.) 160. "As a rule" b2042 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/1/1889. 161. every day deprived BVG 579, 3/19/1889. Vincent repeats the confession even more abjectly in the next letter: "But despite all that I don't give a damn at all -- were it not for the pain I'm quite involuntarily causing you thus, or rather that they're causing -- and for the delay in work &c" (JLB 751, 3/22/1889).

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "Besides, I told them that we weren't in a position to bear expenses. I can't move without expenses, now I haven't been working for 3 months, and mind you, I would have been able to work if they hadn't exasperated and bothered me."

734 162. "If it is not absolutely necessary" BVG 574, 1/28/1889.

Context:
JLB 743, 1/28/1889: "… if it isn't absolutely necessary to shut me away in a madhouse then I'm still good for paying what I can be considered to owe, at least in goods."

163. "Though he has no idea" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889. 164. Vincent as a selfless free spirit b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889: "As you know, [Vincent] abandoned what they call convenances [conventions] a long time ago. From his style of dress & his demeanor you can see at once that he is different." 165. a part of their father's legacy The part that Vincent had renounced (see Ch. 24, n. 288). The initial offer included not just money from Wil and Lies, but also a contribution from Vincent's mother (a share of the additional sum Anna had received from her widowed sister Cornelie after her husband Cent's death) and even an amount from Vincent's hostile sister Anna and her husband, Jo van Houten. (See Jansen and Robert, p. 191; n. 3.) Apparently, Theo quickly succeeded in talking his mother and his eldest sister out of sending contributions. Ten days later, when the check arrived from Wil and Lies, Theo made no mention of other monies or other contributors to the fund that he put in the bank rather than expend on Vincent's "nursing" (see Ch. 38, n. 167). Both Anna mère and Anna fille harbored deep, unsettled grievances against Vincent, which would explain why they so easily withdrew their offers of assistance. For a possible explanation of why they made those offers in the first place, see Ch. 38, n. 144. 166. Theo put the money b0920 V/1962, "Gogh, Theo van" to "Gogh, Jo van en Houten-van Gogh, Anna van", 3/10/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 167.) 167. "There is no reason" b0920 V/1962, "Gogh, Theo van" to "Gogh, Jo van en Houten-van Gogh, Anna van", 3/10/1889: Theo wrote this in a letter addressed to Jo[an] van Houten, the husband of his eldest sister, Anna, who apparently managed his sisters-in-law's money: "Thanks a lot for your letters which I received with enclosed check for 678.23 francs, which amount will be made available to Vincent by Lies and Wil. At this time there is no reason to make a change in his current treatment which is free. He is well taken care of in the city hospital where the care is free and according to the intern of that hospital whom Vincent and I like, as well as my doctor here who treated Vincent when he was here, it is best to see if rest and regular care will fix him up." Note that the letter is dated March 10, two weeks after Vincent's second seizure by the police and Salles's second urgent plea for Theo to take Vincent to Paris. Ever prudent, Theo decided to keep the money as "a reserve": "I will deposit the money from Lies and Wil at a bank until such time we have to use it, but that also will not be necessary I think. As you know Vincent has given this money to the girls and Cor influenced by a reproach that his upbringing cost more money than that of the other children. I don't think he would take it back under any circumstances if he could decide himself. But it is a reserve in case other means are insufficient." (ibid.)

Theo's reading of his brother's likely reaction may be accurate. Vincent would no doubt have been deeply ambivalent about taking money from his sisters, whose marriage prospects obsessed him as much as they did Theo, and about taking his dead father's legacy, which he probably would have seen as an admission of guilt. Not just guilt for having cost his parents more money in schooling than the others -- as Theo's gilding would have it -- but guilt for having killed his father, the accusation that their sister Anna leveled at him at the time and, no doubt, still harbored. (See Chapter 23; for more on Vincent's renounced inheritance, see Chapter 24, n. 467.) It stretches the bounds of speculation beyond the breaking point to wonder if Vincent might also have been heartened by the demonstration of love and support from his sisters that their offer represented. In the event, as far as we know, Theo never told him about it. Theo did, however, write Jo about his sisters' offer and, without specifying why, located the center of family animus toward Vincent in his sister Anna: "I received a letter from Jo & Anna this week about money the girls wish to give Vincent. You've probably heard about it -- if not, I shall tell you the whole story. It would have been better if they had done earlier what they want to do now, but misunderstandings are pernicious. They are the cause, in this case, rather than that anyone let him down, because what they did was with the best of intentions. Anna is the only one who was sometimes harsh but then she also had a husband & children, to whom I believe she's very good. This does not excuse her, but it is a mitigating circumstance." (b2045 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/10/1889.) This was no doubt true, but Theo chose not to tell Jo that Anna offered to make a contribution to Vincent's "nursing" fund, as did Vincent's mother, and Theo apparently talked them both out of doing so (see Ch. 38, n. 165). This would have spoiled his neat narrative of the younger siblings "returning" money that rightfully belonged to Vincent.

168. Theo would be called on BVG 589, 5/2/1889: Theo does not admit this line of reasoning directly, but Vincent clearly saw it, which means that his brother undoubtedly did, too. Of course, this could also be a reference to their sister Lies's likely spinsterhood. Either way, the possibility of future obligations imposed by one or both sisters' inability to marry a suitable husband undoubtedly weighed on Theo's calculations about what he could afford to spend on Vincent.

Context:
JLB 767, 5/2/1889: "For bear it firmly in mind, continuing to spend money on this painting when things could come to the point where there was a lack of money for housekeeping, that's atrocious, and you're sufficiently aware that the chance of succeeding is abominable. Besides, it has struck me so much that it's such a force majeure that has frustrated me. Besides, in the future there would possibly be our sisters too for whom we should try to provide." (Emphasis in original.)

169. a stipend in spinsterhood The bane of spinsterhood was increasingly on Theo's mind as his sisters Wil and Lies approached thirty. Lies (born May 16, 1859) was only two months from her thirtieth birthday. Wil (born March 16, 1862) turned twenty-seven a week after Theo wrote rejecting the sisters' offer of assistance for Vincent (see Ch. 38, n. 167). In his birthday letter to Wil, Theo made the same wish for her as he made for Vincent (see Ch. 38, n. 126) -- that she might someday soon enjoy the same marital bliss that awaited him: "I wish you all the good things you may want. I hope your life will be happy, you deserve it, and if I may say what I think, I hope you will meet somebody before too long who wants to share your life." (b0921 V/1962, "Gogh, Theo van" to "Gogh, Willemina van", 3/15/1889.) In the same letter, apparently in an effort to encourage his sister, Theo oddly compared his prospective life with Jo to his sister's recent visit: "[I] want nothing more than that all this commotion was over and I lived in our apartment with my little wife. Very egotistical, true? But I look so forward to it. It will be somewhat like when you were with me. How pleasant that was." (ibid.) Vincent echoed this fervor for Wil to find a husband and found encouragement for it in Theo's impending marriage: "And with your wife you'll cease to be alone, which I'd so wish for our sister Wil too. ... That, after your own marriage, would be what I would wish for now more than all the rest." (JLB 741, 1/22/1889.) Both brothers seem to have suspected that Lies, whose reputation and sanity had both been called into question, might never marry. 170. the lukewarm invitation to Paris BVG 578, 2/22/1889. The invitation apparently came last in a list of options for the future that Theo sent Vincent in a letter sometime around mid-February, a list that began with an offer to send another painter (Arnold Hendrik Koning [JLB 748, 2/25/1889]) or painters (De Haan and Isaäcson [JLB 747, 2/18/1889]) down to Arles to take Gauguin's place. Vincent rejected the latter possibility in the most vehement, abject terms: "I no longer dare to urge painters to come here after what has happened to me, they run the risk of losing their heads like me. ... Let them go to Antibes, Nice, Menton, it's perhaps healthier." (JLB 747, 2/18/1889.) The studied casualness of Vincent's rejection of the invitation to Paris also probably reflects the off-hand way in which Theo added it to the list of options: "I shake your hand firmly in thought. You're really kind to say that I could come to Paris, but I think that the bustle of a big city will never be worth anything to me. More soon." (JLB 748, 2/25/1889.) Note Vincent's (and apparently Theo's) use of the hypothetical construction "I could come to Paris."

Context:
JLB 748, 2/25/1889: "You're really kind to say that I could come to Paris, but I think that the bustle of a big city will never be worth anything to me. More soon."

171. finally shamed into acting b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889: "From the letter I have just received from you I realize how unloving I was & that I was thinking far more of myself than of anyone else." It is later in this same letter that Theo writes guiltily: "If it were his own wish to come here, I wouldn't hesitate for a second. As soon as I know he's reading my letters, I shall mention it so see whether it would appeal to him. Perhaps he'd like to meet De Haan & Isaäcson and that might make him decide to come here." This "invitation" was every bit as half-hearted in the offering as it is in this description (see Ch. 38, n. 170). 172. "You are very kind" BVG 578, 2/22/1889.

Context:
JLB 748, 2/25/1889: "You're really kind to say that I could come to Paris, but I think that the bustle of a big city will never be worth anything to me."

173. urged him to go to Arles b4279 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/18/1889: For all her cherished naïveté, or perhaps because of it, no one saw more clearly Theo's obligation to go to Arles than Jo. Her proposal that Theo go there to comfort his brother, even in the midst of their swooning premarital bliss, is quite touching: "Theo, may I say just one thing? If you're thinking of going to see him -- please do, by all means. Let no objection hold you back from anything whatsoever. Take a shorter holiday in Holland. Do go to him -- he's probably longing to see someone and then, after all, you'll know how he is! I know you would certainly go if you had to, but like it or not I keep thinking: if it weren't for me, Theo would definitely go down to see him, and I would be most upset if, instead of doing something to help him, I were to deprive him of something he'd like. You do understand, don't you?" 174. "That's the only thing" b2035 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 2/14/1889: This idea first comes to Theo as a response to Jo's push for Theo to go to Arles to comfort his brother (see Ch. 38, n. 173). Theo segues quickly from Jo's suggestion to this alternate plan, which builds on Theo's portrait of his brother as a nature-loving Romantic: "If I had time, I should go and see him & go hiking with him, for instance. That's the only thing I can think of that would really give him peace of mind. If one of the painters might like to do that, I shall send him there." Theo sees the obvious problem of persuading another artist to visit Vincent after the debacle with Gauguin ("But those he gets on with are slightly afraid of him, which Gauguin's visit to him did nothing to change, on the contrary" [ibid.]), but the plan survives these doubts. A few sentences later in the same letter, he advances the plan further: "Perhaps he'd like to meet De Haan & Isaäcson & that might make him decide to come here." This, of course, raises the possibility of Jo's other suggestion that Theo bring Vincent to Paris, a suggestion that Theo spends most of the same letter discouraging, which indicates that he doesn't, in fact, expect (or want) a visit from De Haan & Isaäcson (or anyone else) to lure Vincent to Paris, but rather to make Vincent happier where he is. The true strategy at work (as opposed to the professed one) becomes immediately apparent as Theo goes on to paint for Jo a rose-colored picture of Vincent's Midi life: "For anyone else his circumstances in Arles wouldn't be so bad. His little house is pleasant & it would take time for him to set himself up again like that somewhere else." (ibid.) 175. Arnold Koning BVG 577, 2/17/1889. (See Chapter 28.)

Context:
JLB 747, 2/18/1889: "Koning has written me a very kind letter, saying that he and a friend would probably come to the south with me for a long time."

176. "I do not dare persuade" BVG 577, 2/17/1889.

Context:
JLB 747, 2/18/1889: "I no longer dare to urge painters to come here after what has happened to me, they run the risk of losing their heads like me."

177. Theo prevailed on Paul Signac Apparently, Theo had reconnected with Signac after an initial meeting that left Theo with an unfavorable impression of the young artist. Vincent knew of this reconnection and replied to Theo's report of it around mid-March: "You'll do well to go and see Signac at his place. I was very pleased at what you wrote in today's letter, that he made a better impression on you than the first time." (JLB 585, 3/16/1888.) It was probably at this meeting that Theo discovered Signac's plan to leave for his summer holiday in Cassis a week later (see Ch. 38, n. 178). That the relationship between the two was still not close can be inferred from the salutation with which Signac began his letter to Theo after visiting Vincent: "Dear Mr. Van Gogh" (Signac to Theo, BVG 581a, 3/26/1889). 178. his annual summer holiday in Cassis See Ch. 28, n. 182. 179. "Signac, an acquaintance of mine" b2050 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/16/1889: Note that Theo refers to the painter Paul Signac as "an acquaintance of mine," not as an acquaintance or friend of Vincent's -- an assertion that the circumstances would certainly have called for if it had been true. For more on Vincent's previous contact with Signac in Paris, see Chapter 28 and Ch. 28, n.176. 180. he informed Jo vaguely b2050 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/16/1889: The only specific ambition for Signac's visit that Theo mentions is "to put me in touch with the Director & doctors in Aix." Of course, Dr. Rey had offered to do precisely this two and half months earlier. 181. "I'm almost inclined" b2050 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/16/1889: In addition to "serving no purpose," Theo tells Jo obliquely about Vincent's negative reaction to his visit at Christmastime: "I'm almost inclined to go back there myself, but it would serve no purpose & be no less distressing than the first time I went." This is the only specific reference we ever hear to the brothers' fraught encounter when Vincent regained consciousness in the hospital after mutilating his ear. We assume Theo is referring to the rush of guilt and shame that swept over Vincent when he realized he had caused his sickly brother the strain and hardship of an emergency trip to Arles -- a scene that would undoubtedly be replayed if Theo returned there. There is evidence that, at the same time he appeased Jo with this affirmation of his willingness to go to Arles, Theo repeated the offer to come that he made in February to Vincent. In a letter dated March 19, Vincent either responds to a new offer or repeats his refusal of the earlier offer: "Your coming here -- my word -- for the moment it would precipitate things" (JLB 750, 3/19/1889). The vague, elliptical phrasing mirrors Theo's comment to Jo about the brothers' "distressing" Christmas encounter. Neither brother dares speak about the deep secrets of their relationship -- not even, or especially, to each other. Both are trapped in the congenital contradictions of their fraternal tie: Theo feeling an obligation to come to Vincent's aid but knowing that obligation impedes his own happiness; Vincent desperately needing his brother's aid, but paralyzed by guilt for taking it. 182. exactly on schedule b2054 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/29/1889: "We're arriving by Rijnspoor on Sunday." Theo left on the night train from Paris to Amsterdam on Saturday, March 30, and arrived on Sunday, March 31, exactly as he had planned almost a full month earlier (see Ch. 38, n. 123). " Rijnspoor refers to the train line, which designated both the route and the arrival time. Theo took the train that stopped on Sunday morning in Breda where his mother and sisters joined him for the final legs to Amsterdam (see Jansen and Robert, p. 243, n. 5). 735 183. break down the door BVG 581, 3/24/1889.

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "I'm writing to tell you that I've seen Signac, which did me a lot of good. He was very nice and very straight and very simple when the difficulty arose of whether or not to force open the door closed by the police, who had demolished the lock. They began by not wanting to let us do it, and yet in the end we got in."

184. they had jammed the lock BVG 581, 3/24/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 183.)

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "I'm writing to tell you that I've seen Signac, which did me a lot of good. He was very nice and very straight and very simple when the difficulty arose of whether or not to force open the door closed by the police, who had demolished the lock. They began by not wanting to let us do it, and yet in the end we got in."

185. Some hostile neighbors Clébert and Richard, pp. 92, 94: According to Clébert: "[Vincent] received a visit at the hospital from his friend Paul Signac, on holiday in the south of France and invited him to come with him to his studio, he did not count on the determination of certain residents of the place Lamartine who blocked their path to prevent the two friends from entering the house." This scuffle with the neighbors would explain the arrival of the police, which Vincent admits (see Ch. 38, n. 183). It is inconceivable that the police bothered to post a guard at the Yellow House door, although the police station was just across the Place Lamartine. 186. a row that brought the police BVG 581, 3/24/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 183 and n. 185.)

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "I'm writing to tell you that I've seen Signac, which did me a lot of good. He was very nice and very straight and very simple when the difficulty arose of whether or not to force open the door closed by the police, who had demolished the lock. They began by not wanting to let us do it, and yet in the end we got in."

187. "He was so good" BVG 581, 3/24/1889.

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: "I am writing to tell you that I have seen Signac, and it has done me quite a lot of good. He was so good and straightforward and simple when the difficulty of opening the door by force or not presented itself -- the police had closed up the house and destroyed the lock. They began by refusing to let us do it, but all the same we finally got in."
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "I'm writing to tell you that I've seen Signac, which did me a lot of good. He was very nice and very straight and very simple when the difficulty arose of whether or not to force open the door closed by the police, who had demolished the lock. They began by not wanting to let us do it, and yet in the end we got in."

188. their passing encounters See Chapter 28. 189. the twenty-five-year-old Signac Signac was born on November 11, 1863. 190. "I found Signac very quiet" BVG 581, 3/24/1889. Similarly, Vincent describes his conversations with Signac as if he had never had such conversations with him in the past: "Rarely or never have I had a conversation with an Impressionist that was so free of disagreements or annoying shocks on either side" (JLB 752, 3/24/1889).

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: " I found Signac very quiet, though he is said to be so violent; he gave me the impression of someone who has balance and poise, that is all."
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: " I find Signac very calm, whereas people say he's so violent, he gives me the impression of someone who has his self-confidence and balance, that's all."

191. They met at the hospital Signac, "Vincent van Gogh," in Stein, ed., p. 136: "The last time I saw Vincent ... was in Arles in the spring of 1889. He was already at the hospital of this city. Several days earlier [sic], he had cut off the lobe of his ear (and not his entire ear) under circumstances of which you know. But the day of my visit he had his wits about him, and the intern permitted me to go out with him." Signac's later account is hardly a model of reliability, but the fact that he met Rey is confirmed in his report to Theo written immediately after his visit to Arles, in which he refers to Rey as Vincent's "courteous doctor." Curiously, Signac mistakenly calls Rey "the house physician," a superior position, which suggests their meeting was, at best, brief. Yet he holds forth at some length on Rey's position on various key issues regarding Vincent's treatment: "Rey, is of the opinion that, if [Vincent] should lead a very methodical life, eating and drinking normally and at regular hours, there would be every chance that the terrible crises would not repeat themselves at all. He is quite willing to keep him all the time that would be necessary. He thinks that all the expenses of his stay in the hospital will have to be defrayed by the municipality, because it was at the administration's demand that he was kept in the asylum. At any rate, if he does not go back to Paris, which in M. Rey's opinion would be preferable, it would be necessary for him to move to another house, as his neighbors are hostile to him." This inconsistency (scant knowledge of Rey's position but copious knowledge of his mind) shows Vincent's hand at work, we think (see Ch. 38, n. 196); these are Vincent's arguments, which he has placed in Rey's mouth, and related to Signac, knowing that he would report them to Theo. Whether Signac was a witting or unwitting actor, it may be significant that his report implies a long conversation with Rey, but never actually claims one. His only personal assessment of the doctor is that he was "courteous" -- which could have been gleaned from the briefest of encounters. 192. Dr. Rey gave his blessing Signac, "Vincent van Gogh," in Stein, ed., p. 136. (See Ch. 38, n. 191.) 193. Vincent showed off his paintings

BVG 581, 3/24/1889. This showing of Vincent's work sounds far less comprehensive than the one Signac recalled thirty-four years later to Gustave Coquiot: "He took me to his lodgings at the Place Lamartine, where I saw the marvelous paintings, his masterpieces: Les Alyscamps [which could have been any one of the four works of the same name: (F 486 JH 1620), (F 487 JH 1621), (F 568 JH 1622), or (F 569 JH 1623); The Night Café [F 463 JH 1575]; La Berceuse [F 504 JH 1655]; The Drawbridge [possibly F 210 JH 947]; the Saintes-Maries [F 416 JH 1447]; The Starry Night [F 612 JH 1731]; etc. Imagine the splendor of those whitewashed walls from which these colors radiated in all their freshness!" (Signac and Van Gogh, "On Signac's Visit to Arles, in Stein, ed., p. 146). At the time, in his report to Theo immediately afterward, Signac wrote a far less specific and less appreciative summary of his tour of Vincent's studio: "He took me along to see his pictures, many of which are very good, and all of which are very curious" (Signac to Theo, BVG 581a, 3/26/1889).

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "In fact there are several canvases to send to you, as Signac was able to see -- he wasn't frightened by my painting, or so it seemed to me."

194. gave one to the younger artist BVG 581, 3/24/1889: The still life in question (Still Life: Bloaters on a Piece of Yellow Paper [F 510 JH 1661]) was one done in a style similar to Vincent's Signac-style paintings in Paris (two of which was also a still life with bloaters [(F 283 JH 1120) and (F 203 JH 1123)].

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "As a keepsake I gave him a still life which had exasperated the good gendarmes of the town of Arles because it depicted two smoked herrings, which are called gendarmes, as you know."

195. They talked about everything BVG 581, 3/24/1889. In his much later account (see Ch. 38, n. 193), Signac remembers a day-long discussion on "painting, literature, socialism" (Signac and Van Gogh, "On Signac's Visit to Arles, in Stein, ed., p. 136). Signac was a socialist drifting toward anarchism. Vincent was warmed by Roulin's enthusiasm at the opposite end of the political spectrum, Boulangism, which suggests that Vincent saw these political discussions as less ideological than Signac did.

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "Rarely or never have I had a conversation with an Impressionist that was so free of disagreements or annoying shocks on either side."

196. saving up for a different visitor Our account of Signac's visit to Arles on March 23 and 24, 1889, differs markedly from the generally accepted view in the literature that the two artists had a pleasant encounter (see, e.g., Hulsker, Vincent and Theo: A Dual Biography, pp. 346-347). The latter view is based largely on two sources: Vincent's letter to Theo at the time, which includes reports like this: "I'm writing to tell you that I've seen Signac, which did me a lot of good" (JLB 752, 3/24/1889). And this: "No doubt you had a hand in his coming to boost my morale a little, and thank you for that" (ibid.). The other source is Signac's brief letter to Theo immediately after the visit, which is a model of anodyne pleasantry: "I found your brother in perfect health, physically and mentally. Yesterday afternoon and again this morning we went for a walk together. He took me along to see his pictures, many of which are very good, and all of which are very curious. ... Summarizing, I emphatically assure you that I found him in a condition of perfect health and sanity. There is only one thing he wishes -- to be able to work in tranquility." (Signac to Theo, BVG 581a, 3/26/1889.)

There are many reasons to doubt the thoroughness and reliability of the picture Signac's letter paints, as we do: (1) Vincent's immediately subsequent history shows that Signac's report that Vincent was "in perfect health, physically and mentally" was wildly mistaken. (2) Vincent himself, in a letter to Signac soon after the visit, admits that he was drinking and that he was still racked by "inner despairs of quite a large calibre" (JLB 756, 4/10/1889). Neither of these highly pertinent facts found their way into Signac's report to Theo. (3) Signac's later account (1923), although hardly reliable in its particulars, paints a completely different picture of Vincent's condition: "There was a frightful mistral blowing which might have unnerved him. He wanted to drink a liter of oil of turpentine out of a bottle that sat on the table in the room." (Signac, "Letter from Paul Signac to Gustave Coquiot," in Stein, ed., p. 136.) (See Ch. 38, n. 203.) This later account does include some pleasantries, but the portrait of Vincent that emerges from it is far, far from "perfect physical and mental health" (ibid.).

(4) Signac's contemporaneous letter is preoccupied with Vincent's preoccupations: particularly his complaints about the hospital and his desire to escape from its prying eyes and set up a new studio elsewhere in Arles (because his former neighbors would not welcome him back to the Yellow House [see Ch. 38, n. 191]). In fact, however, Theo had sent Signac with a very different mission: i.e., "to put me in touch with the Director & doctors in Aix" (b2050 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/16/1889). According to a letter he wrote his sister Wil only a week before Signac's visit, Theo had already determined that Vincent would enter an asylum: "It is just about decided that [Vincent] will be transferred to Aix. I expected this, but it is now certain that it will be quite a while before he will be completely healthy." (b0921 V/1962, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Gogh, Willemina van'', 3/15/1889.) In light of such pessimism, Signac's report of "perfect" mental health must have sounded strained and implausible even to Theo. Indeed, Signac apparently did not meet any doctors at the hospital other than Rey (see Ch. 38, n. 191), whom Theo had already met, and relates no information about Aix or other asylums in the area. His report is entirely responsive to Vincent's obsessions, not Theo's instructions.

(5) Other than Vincent's sense of oppressive imprisonment, Signac's report includes nothing that might have shed a negative light on Vincent's situation: nothing about the break-in at the Yellow House, nothing about the scuffle with neighbors or the run-in with the police (see Ch. 38, n. 185); nothing about the terrible condition of the interior after a month without heat and a flood that came within feet of the threshold (JLB 765, 4/30/1889) and nothing about Vincent's conspicuous drinking (which Vincent also admitted to Signac at the time [JLB 756, 4/10/1889]). In this way, Signac's report seems edited. In our view, the best explanation for these discrepancies is that Vincent persuaded Signac that it was crucial not to trouble Theo with disturbing information (given his poor health and impending marriage) and successfully enlisted the younger painter in his ongoing project of reassurance, just as he tried (but failed) to recruit Gauguin soon after the events at Christmastime (Vincent to Gauguin, 1/4/1889, quoted in Hulsker, "Critical Days in the Hospital in Arles," pp. 29-30) (see also Ch. 38, n. 361), and subsequently tried to do with Salles. Thus, the text sees Vincent's arguments in Signac's "reporting" of conditions in Arles (and Rey's opinions), almost as if Vincent had dictated the letter himself. As to whether Signac was a witting or unwitting actor in this veiled communication between brothers, we believe it may be significant that Signac ends his summary with the words, "This is also what your brother desires" (Signac to Theo, BVG 581a, 3/26/1889). (See also Ch. 38, n. 333.)

197. the lack of privacy Signac to Theo, BVG 581a, 3/24/1889: Signac reported: "[Vincent] wants to leave this asylum, where after all he must necessarily suffer under the continual surveillance, which often has to be of a petty nature." (See Ch. 38, n. 191.) 198. pressed the possibility Signac and Van Gogh, "On Signac's Visit to Arles," p. 146: Signac dutifully reported to Theo after his visit to see Vincent: "At any rate, if [Vincent] does not go back to Paris, which in M. Rey's opinion would be preferable, it would be necessary for him to move to another house, as his neighbors are hostile to him. This is also what your brother desires." We believe this is among Vincent's arguments put in Rey's mouth (see Ch. 38, n. 196.) (Also see Ch. 38, n. 134.) 199. for not rescuing him Vincent could never raise directly the issue of Theo coming to Arles to "rescue" him. In fact, in his letters, Vincent actively discourages any rescue attempt, even though there is no evidence that Theo actually offered any such attempt. The closest he comes is in a letter from mid-March: "if you would tell me how things are going I can do something sooner to give you relief" (JLB 749, 3/16/1889). In his delusional state, Vincent takes this vague offer of comfort as a full-scale plan to spring him from confinement, even though, in the same letter, Theo seems to rule out (somewhat cavalierly) any such direct intervention: "I would certainly have come to see you if [Arles] wasn't so far, but I'm short of time and I ask myself if my visit could be useful to you in any way" (ibid.). Disregarding this refusal altogether, Vincent launches on a long series of instructions that seem to direct Theo's imputed rescue effort -- at times discouraging it and at other times schooling it. He considers this project important enough to break his long silence. "I seemed to see so much restrained brotherly anguish in your kind letter that it seems to me to be my duty to break my silence. ... Only to warn you: to free me -- first I don't ask it, being sure that all of this accusation will be reduced to nothing. Only I say to you, you would find it difficult to free me." (JLB 750, 3/19/1889.)

He recommends that Theo leave off planning his rescue until after his wedding, as if he expected it might happen sooner ("After your marriage we can deal with sorting all this out, and in the meantime, my word, leave me here quietly"), but adds a note of black humor that appears calculated to increase the pressure on his brother to come to his aid: "Here, except for freedom, except for lots of things that I would wish otherwise, I'm not too bad" (ibid.). In his delusional state, Vincent sees Signac's coming as part of Theo's plan to "free" him: "Don't free me, it will settle itself on its own -- all the same, warn Signac that he shouldn't get involved until I write again, for he'd be putting his hand into a wasps' nest" (ibid.). (Note how the latter phrase suggests that Theo is only awaiting a signal from Vincent.) The origin of this delusion may be in Vincent's paranoia, as he appears to contemplate that the authorities might somehow make him disappear and instructs Theo to hold off on the planned escape temporarily: "If in a month's time, though, you have no direct news of me, then act, but as long as I'm writing to you, wait" (ibid.). Finally, he warns his brother to "be cautious" and hints that Theo's rescue plan probably consists of taking legal action against the mayor and police for holding Vincent illegally: "You know what it is to go to the civil authorities to complain" (ibid.). He ends with a final instruction and words of caution: "Your coming here -- my word -- for the moment it would precipitate things. … Let's not fear, I'm quite calm now. Leave them to their own devices. You will perhaps do well to write one more time, but nothing more for the moment." (ibid.)

We cannot be sure how Theo responded to this strange discussion of plots and plans. Vincent's response to Theo's reply is exceedingly cryptic -- so much so that it suggests Vincent by now suspected that the authorities were reading his mail and would foil his brother's plan to snatch Vincent from their clutches: "Thanks for your letter -- which I've just received. All the more so since in this case I prefer to be wrong than to be right: certainly we're absolutely, absolutely in agreement as regards the reasoning you give in your letter. I also envisage the thing that way." (JLB 751, 3/22/1889.) Theo must have disabused Vincent of some of his more delusional expectations, as Vincent falls back on a much more modest request of his brother -- "If on your side you would write, try to influence them so that I have the right to go out into the town nevertheless" (ibid.). Note that in all this breathless planning, Vincent never actually asks Theo to come rescue him. Instead, he deludes himself that it is Theo's plan he is abetting. This strategy disguises Vincent's true feelings (he desperately wanted Theo to come ["What wouldn't I have given to be able to spend a day here with you and to show you the work in progress and the house, &c. &c.," he wrote in mid-January (JLB 738, 1/19/1889)]), feeling that he can't express because of the guilt he would feel if Theo did come at his call ("I don't give a damn at all -- were it not for the pain I'm quite involuntarily causing you thus, or rather that they're causing" [JLB 751, 3/22/1889]). In this way, Vincent's delusion is a mirror image of Theo's denial. He wants Theo to want to come to Arles, just as Theo wants Vincent to want to enter an asylum.

200. for delegating his brotherly duties Vincent's reaction to the prospect of seeing Signac fell somewhere between reluctant and hostile: "warn Signac that he shouldn't get involved until I write again, for he'd be putting his hand into a wasps' nest" (JLB 750, 3/19/1889). "It would certainly give me pleasure to see Signac if he must pass through here anyway. ... [but] what's the good of him putting himself out expressly to come and see me?" (JLB 751, 3/22/1889.) Hammacher also sees that Vincent "felt some mistrust in regard to Signac's visit" (Hammacher, p. 143). 201. "unnerved" Signac, "Vincent van Gogh," in Stein, ed., p. 136. 202. "frightful mistral" Signac, "Vincent van Gogh," in Stein, ed., p. 136. 203. he reached for a bottle of turpentine Signac, "Vincent van Gogh," in Stein, ed., p. 136: "He wanted to drink a liter of oil of turpentine out of a bottle that sat on the table in the room. It was time to return to the hospital." This anecdote, although recalled years later, is too bizarre not to be true. Hulsker, of course, mounts an extended, odd rebuttal: "To rate the story at its true value two things must be kept in mind. First, the translation. It is true that the French original is a little ambiguous -- 'Il voulait boire 204. "How glad I am" BVG 566, 1/4/1889. This is truly a theme of Vincent's early reaction to knowledge of Theo's impending marriage. "I've read and re-read your letter about the meeting with the Bongers. It's perfect. As for me, I'm content to remain as I am." (JLB 728, 1/2/1889.) "I can't tell you how much it delights me that you've made peace and even more than that with the Bongers. Say so on my behalf to André, and give him a very cordial handshake from me." (JLB 729 and 730, 1/4/1889.) "Ah well, we can't change any of the facts, but make up for it as far as possible by correspondence or however you can, and tell the Bongers how much I regret having, perhaps unwittingly, caused a delay" (JLB 732, 1/7/1889). "For your part, follow up this meeting with the Bongers calmly, I hope that it will continue as a solid friendship, and that perhaps it's even more" (JLB 732, 1/7/1889). "Warm regards to André Bonger if he's there too" (JLB 738, 1/9/1889).

Context:
BVG 566, 1/4/1889: "I cannot tell you how glad I am that you have made peace, and even more than that, with the Bongers."
JLB 729, 1/4/1889: "I can't tell you how much it delights me that you've made peace and even more than that with the Bongers."

205. only halfhearted congratulations BVG 573, 1/22/1889-1/23/1889: Vincent buries his negativity in a convoluted construction. As the wedding approaches, Vincent's failure to congratulate his brother in a more forthright way (or, indeed, to make any inquiries about his betrothed) becomes more and more conspicuous. By early April, Vincent is compelled to respond to this filial failing: "A few words to wish you and your fiancée much happiness these days. It's like a nervous tic with me that on the occasion of a day of celebration I generally experience difficulties in formulating a congratulation, but it shouldn't be concluded from that that I desire your happiness less ardently than anyone else, as you well know." (JLB 754, 4/4/1889.) But, of course, as Theo knew better than anyone, Vincent never had trouble "formulating" into words anything that he truly felt.

Context:
JLB 741, 1/22/1889: "So from me, your brother, you won't wish for the absolutely banal congratulations and the assurances that you'll be transported straight to paradise."

206. "the house will not be empty" BVG 573, 1/22/1889-1/23/1889. And this, in the same vein, in the same letter: "And with your wife you'll cease to be alone, which I'd so wish for our sister Wil too. ... That, after your own marriage, would be what I would wish for now more than all the rest." (JLB 741, 1/22/1889.)

Context:
BVG 573, 1/22/1889-1/23/1889: "When you are married, perhaps there will be other marriages in the family, and in any case you will see your way clear and the house will not be empty any more."
JLB 741, 1/22/1889: "Once your marriage is done, there will perhaps be others in the family, and in any case, you'll see your path clear and the house will no longer be empty."

207. avoided using Jo's name For three months, Vincent refers to Jo only as "your fiancée" (JLB 738, 1/9/1889; JLB 750, 3/19/1889), "an Amsterdam girl" (JLB 740, 1/22/1889), "your wife" (JLB 741, 1/22/1889), until finally, in early April, he brings himself to scribble her name: "It's late, once again I wish you and Jo much happiness, and handshakes in thought" (JLB 754, 4/4/1889). In his first letter to Theo after the wedding (JLB 763, 4/28/1889), Vincent does not mention Jo anywhere in the letter by name (or otherwise, except for a single "your wife") -- not even in the salutation or the sign-off. 208. "screw the girl" Vincent uses the expression "faire d'enfiler," much coarser slang than "make love" (BVG 576, 2/3/1889). The new letter translation not only uses "screw" but introduces it not as an alternative to marriage, but as a prelude: "Wouldn't you have done better quite simply to have screwed your wife in advance [préalablement]" (JLB 745, 2/3/1889). But this makes less sense in the context than Bonger's "instead" (BVG 576, 2/3/1889). The remark that follows (see Ch. 38, n. 209), which is clearly meant to invoke Theo's long history of maintaining sexual relations with women without marrying them, makes no sense otherwise. Having mistresses was, indeed, common practice in the North, whereas premarital sex within an engagement was still a towering taboo in bourgeois families like the Van Goghs and the Bongers.

Context:
BVG 576, 2/3/1889: "But why are you thinking about your marriage contract and the possibility of dying just now? Wouldn't it be better simply to make love to your woman instead?"
JLB 745, 2/3/1889: But how come that you're thinking about the little clauses of marriage and the possibility of dying at this moment, wouldn't you have done better quite simply to have screwed your wife in advance?

209. "After all" BVG 576, 2/3/1889.

Context:
BVG 576, 2/3/1889: " After all, that's normal practice in the North, and it's not for me to say that practices in the North are no good."
JLB 745, 2/3/1889: " Anyway, that's part of the customs of the north, and I'm not the one to say they don't have good customs in the north."

210. marriage as merely the proper thing BVG 572, 1/19/1889.

Context:
JLB 738, 1/19/1889: "It has always seemed to me that you owed it to your social position and to the one you have in the family to marry, and it has been Mother's wish for years. And by doing thus what you must do, you'll perhaps have more tranquillity than before, even amidst a thousand-and-one difficulties."

211. "social position" BVG 572, 1/19/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 210.)

Context:
BVG 572, 1/19/1889: "It always seemed to me that you owed it to your social position and to the position you have in the family to get married, and besides, for a number of years it has been our mothers' wish too. And by thus doing what you ought to do, you will perhaps have more peace, even amidst a thousand and one difficulties, than before."
JLB 738, 1/19/1889: "It has always seemed to me that you owed it to your social position and to the one you have in the family to marry, and it has been Mother's wish for years. And by doing thus what you must do, you'll perhaps have more tranquillity than before, even amidst a thousand-and-one difficulties."

212. and filial duty BVG 572, 1/19/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 210.)

Context:
JLB 738, 1/19/1889: "It has always seemed to me that you owed it to your social position and to the one you have in the family to marry, and it has been Mother's wish for years. And by doing thus what you must do, you'll perhaps have more tranquillity than before, even amidst a thousand-and-one difficulties."

213. Theo's endless reports BVG 576, 2/3/1889. The archness of Vincent's reply ("Minister for Fine Arts") suggests that Theo's letter contained many of the same obsessive decorating details as his letters to Jo. Theo's first letter after the month-long hiatus in correspondence takes up the same themes: "In arranging my new apartment I see your paintings again with so much pleasure" (JLB 749, 3/16/1889). "Best wishes from my wife, who is well. She's becoming really accustomed to the house." (JLB 766, 5/2/1889.)

Context:
JLB 745, 2/3/1889: "Now as regards your move from rue Lepic to rue Rodier I can't have an opinion, not having seen it, but the main thing is precisely that you also lunch at home with your wife. By staying in Montmartre you'll be decorated and Minister for Fine Arts more quickly, but as you don't much care about that it's better to have tranquillity at home, so I think you're completely right."

214. mooning letters about JoBVG T4, 3/16/1889.

Context:
JLB 749, 3/16/1889: "You've done so much for me that it breaks my heart to know that now that I'll probably have days of happiness with my dear Jo, you will actually have very bad days."

736 215. "A secure home for you"BVG 580, 3/22/1889.

Context:
BVG 580, 3/22/1889: "After all this for nothing, provided you go straight to your goal -- a secure home for you is a great gain for me too -- and that done, we can perhaps find another, more peaceful, way of settling things after your marriage."
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "Anyway, all of that is nothing provided you walk straight towards your goal -- once your home is secured, there's a lot won for me too, and once that's done we can perhaps rediscover a more peaceful path after your marriage."

216. the three of them live together BVG 574, 1/28/1889.

Context:
JLB 743, 1/28/1889: "You'll have been poor all the time to feed me, but I'll return the money or turn up my toes. Now your wife will come, who has a good heart, to make us old fellows feel a bit younger again."

217. "[She] will join with us" BVG 573, 1/22/1889-1/23/1889.

Context:
BVG 573, 1/22/1889-1/23/1889: "But let it go to your wife's hands, who will join with us besides in working with the artists."
JLB 741, 1/22/1889: "But may it go into the hands of your wife, who anyway will join with us to work with the artists."

218. buy a country house See Ch. 28, n. 290. We hear echoes of this previous plan (involving the same parties) in Vincent's repeated offers to provide Jo with his paintings: "You'll see that these canvases will catch the eye. But I'd advise you to keep them for yourself, for the privacy of your wife and yourself." (JLB 741, 1/22/1889.) He also suggests that Jo's approval will somehow make his paintings more palatable to the gentlemen at Goupil and also override Theo's objections to showing his brother's work: "Know only that I'll be very happy when your marriage has taken place. Listen now, if as regards your wife it would perhaps be good for a painting of mine to be at the Goupils' from time to time, then I'll drop my old grudge that I have against them in the following way." (ibid.) This expectation sits awkwardly beside Vincent's plan for his brother and sister-in-law to "set up a commercial firm" where Vincent would be given "a place as an employed painter" (JLB 743, 1/28/1889; see Ch. 38, n. 220). 219. "In the spring" BVG 574, 1/28/1889. One unstated element of this odd proposal is probably that Vincent assumes that, with the marriage, Theo will re-partner with Andries Bonger, his new brother-in-law, with whom he had laid plans in 1886 to open up an independent dealership with backing from his Uncle Cent -- a proposal that Cent rejected (see Chapter 28 and Ch. 28, n. 55). In this light, Vincent's proposition does not look nearly so preposterous.

Context:
BVG 574, 1/28/1889: "After that, in the spring, you and your wife will found a commercial house for several generations. It will not be too easy. And that settled, I only ask the position of a painting employee, at least as long as there is enough to pay one."
JLB 743, 1/28/1889: "Afterwards, you and your wife will set up a commercial firm for several generations in the renewal. You won't have it easy. And once that's sorted out I ask only a place as an employed painter as long as there's enough to pay for one."

220. for Theo to rescue him See Ch. 38, n. 1006. 221. a month without a single letter See Ch. 38, n. 853. 222. or Jo Jansen and Robert, pp. 191-192: Theo actively discouraged Jo from writing Vincent: "However distressing the situation may be, we must not allow ourselves to be too carried away by our emotions, because the main thing is that he is getting the best possible care because what he needs most of all now is medical attention. If he is the same as when I was with him, I believe letters won't be much help. I'm afraid he'll not read them." When Jo asked to write Vincent on his birthday (March 30), Theo vaguely acceded ("It's very dear of you to think of writing to Vincent, he'll certainly appreciate it," but, consciously or not, he failed to include his brother's address, as Jo had requested (b2054 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theo van'' to ''Bonger, Jo'', 3/29/1889). According to Jansen and Robert, "Jo probably did not write to Vincent ... Vincent does not refer to any such letter in his (surviving) letters to Theo" (Jansen and Robert, p. 243; n. 4). 223. abandonment In addition to recognizing early that Theo would never visit him in Arles again (see Ch. 38, n. 1275) (and, of course, noting ruefully that Theo did not write him nearly as often or promptly or at such length as before [JLB 758, 4/14/1889-4/17/1889]), Vincent repeatedly imagines Theo's effort to manage Vincent's situation in direct opposition to Theo's plans for marriage. The clear implication is that Theo cannot manage both at the same time. On the one hand, Vincent insists that "the main thing will be that your marriage isn't delayed" (JLB 741, 1/22/1889), and offers to put off all consideration of his treatment until after the marriage (JLB 750, 3/19/1889; see Ch. 38, n. 1035). But on the other hand, and almost simultaneously, he insists on his right to parity of priority in Theo's life: "the main thing is that I ask categorically for two months' work before settling what will need to be settled at the time of your marriage" (JLB 743, 1/28/1889; emphasis added). The tension between these two, mutually-exclusive "main things" culminates in the heartrending, self-negating disavowal almost on the day of Theo's marriage: "Only transfer this affection onto your wife as much as possible. And if we correspond a little less you'll see that if she is as I think she is, she will console you. That's what I hope." (JLB 760, 4/21/1889.)

Soon after the wedding, he anticipates a financial as well as an emotional abandonment as the inevitable result of Theo's marriage: "For bear it firmly in mind, continuing to spend money on this painting when things could come to the point where there was a lack of money for housekeeping, that's atrocious, and you're sufficiently aware that the chance of succeeding is abominable" (JLB 767, 5/2/1889). In another telling chain of thought, Vincent appears to equate Theo's marrying Jo with Goupil's dismissive treatment of him a decade earlier: "But this I believe, that you and I will have successors in business, and that precisely at the moment when the family abandoned us to our own resources, financially speaking, it will again be we who haven't flinched" (JLB 743, 1/28/1889). Indeed, he plays out this new equation of prospective abandonment with a request for "employment" in the "commercial firm" that he imagines Theo and Jo will found -- thus deepening the expectation of a parallel devastating rejection after Theo marries (ibid.).

224. no one had shared Evidence that the family withheld information on Theo's wedding plans is circumstantial but pervasive. The campaign of subterfuge began in January when Theo led Vincent to believe that he was going back to Holland not in order to see Jo, but to convince Tersteeg to support the Impressionists. The letter in which Vincent congratulated Theo on the news of the engagement was subsequently edited to conflate the congratulations with this passage: "My fear that my indisposition might prevent your very necessary journey, which I've hoped for so much and for so long -- now that this fear has disappeared I feel completely normal" (JLB 738, 1/9/1889). Intentional or not, the effect of this edit was to make it seem that Vincent was enthusiastically supporting the marriage, when, in fact, his support was for Theo's efforts to woo Tersteeg to the cause of the new art. This hints at Theo's (as well as the family's) concern about Vincent's reaction to the "happy news."

In the same letter, Vincent reveals that Theo has not informed him about his travel plans ("Did you pass through Breda, I'm naturally inclined to think so"). (In fact, Theo and Jo went to The Hague [see Ch. 38, n. 174].) Vincent was similarly not informed in advance about the specifics of Theo's departure for Amsterdam at the end of March. He wrote Theo a letter on March 29 (JLB 753, 3/29/1889) that probably arrived after Theo left on March 30. In the letter, Vincent writes unknowingly: "Now I imagine that you'd prefer to marry without all the ceremonies and congratulations of a wedding, and am quite sure in advance that you'll avoid them as much as possible" (ibid.). The tentative nature of this supposition ("I imagine") indicates that Vincent had not been informed about the principal controversy generated within the family by the impending marriage, a controversy that had been raging in Theo's and Jo's letters throughout March: that is, whether to have the ceremony in a church or not (see Jansen and Robert, pp. 193-242). As late as the first week of April -- two weeks before the wedding on April 18 -- Vincent complained openly about his state of ignorance about Theo's plans: "I waited a few days before replying, not knowing which day you would leave for Amsterdam, besides I also don't know whether it's in Breda or Amsterdam that you'll be getting married" (JLB 754, 4/4/1889). During the second week of April, Vincent writes Signac forlornly: "It's because [Theo's] in Holland, where he's getting married one of these days" (JLB 756, 4/10/1889; emphasis added).

Less than a week before the ceremony, Vincent seems still uncertain as to its exact date, allowing for the possibility that it has already happened: "Now I hope that all these things have gone well for you" (JLB 758, 4/14/1889-4/17/1889). He was kept equally in the dark about the newlyweds' return to Paris after the ceremony. Almost a week afterwards, he writes: "How are you, are you back?" (JLB 761, 4/24/1889). Theo not only failed to inform Vincent about the details of his marriage plans, he also discouraged family members and Jo from writing Vincent, even failing to send Vincent's address when Jo asked to write him on his birthday (see Ch. 38, n. 1027). Jo's letters indicate that Vincent was not sent an invitation to the wedding, either: "Your Mother allowed me to read a couple of lovely letters from Cor [Theo and Vincent's youngest brother] -- I also sent him a few words this afternoon -- I had heard nothing at all from him since our engagement. I have already invited him to the wedding -- do you think he will come?" (b4268 V/1984, ''Bonger, Jo'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/22/1889.) There is no similar mention of an invitation to Vincent. According to Nagera: "Even around the time of the wedding Vincent was apparently not informed where the wedding was to take place. He was not certain if it was to be in Breda or Amsterdam." (Nagera, p. 110.) Nagera blames Vincent's ignorance for his ambivalent "congratulations" at the beginning of April: "A few words to wish you and your fiancée much happiness these days. It's like a nervous tic with me that on the occasion of a day of celebration I generally experience difficulties in formulating a congratulation, but it shouldn't be concluded from that that I desire your happiness less ardently than anyone else, as you well know." (JLB 754, 4/4/1889; see Ch. 38, n. 1010.)

225. "the real South" BVG 581, 3/24/1889; emphasis added because we think it undoubtedly reflects the emphasis Vincent read into it. The phrase was originally Theo's, as is clear from Vincent's response: "You speak to me of what you call 'the real south'" (JLB 752, 3/24/1889). That Theo used it to refer to marriage is also apparent from the paroxysm of despair that it triggers in Vincent: "Above is the reason why I'll never go there. I rightly leave that to people more complete, more entire than myself. As for me, I'm good only for something intermediate and second-rate and insignificant. However much intensity my feeling may have or my power of expression may acquire, at an age when the material passions are more burned out -- never can I build an imposing edifice on such a mouldy, shattered past." (ibid.)

The letter from Theo to which this passage responds may have been the same letter that contained another piece of insensitive advice that had to be hurtful to Vincent: "What I find excellent in your letter is that you say that one mustn't on any account have illusions about life" (JLB 751, 3/22/1889). A month later, after Theo's marriage and another unthinking barrage of exultation from his brother on the joys of matrimony, Vincent again considers his own prospects, and, again, finds only despair: "From time to time, just as the waves crush themselves against the deaf, desperate cliffs, a storm of desire to embrace something, a woman of the domestic hen type, but anyway one must take that for what it is, an effect of hysterical over-excitement rather than an accurate vision of reality" (JLB 763, 4/28/1889).

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: "You talk to me of what you call 'the real South.' The reason why I shall never go there is above. I rightly leave that to men who have a more well-balanced mind, more integrity than I. I am only good for something intermediate, and second-rate, and self-effaced. However intense my feelings may be, or whatever power of expression I may acquire at an age when physical passions have lessened, I could never build an imposing structure on such a mouldy, shattered past."
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "You speak to me of what you call 'the real south.' Above is the reason why I'll never go there. I rightly leave that to people more complete, more entire than myself. As for me, I'm good only for something intermediate and second-rate and insignificant. However much intensity my feeling may have or my power of expression may acquire, at an age when the material passions are more burned out -- never can I build an imposing edifice on such a mouldy, shattered past."

226. a path he could never follow BVG 581, 3/24/1889. We think that is the thrust of this cryptic passage from the same letter in which Theo suggests that Vincent find a good woman (see Ch. 38, n. 1028): "So I don't really mind what happens to me -- even staying here -- I think that my fate will be balanced in the long term. Beware of sudden impulses -- since you're getting married, and I'm getting too old -- it's the only policy that can suit us." Mauron builds a more systematically psychoanalytic argument about the brothers' "parting of the ways" using the same passage as his starting point: "Vincent comes out of his winter crisis distraught and in fact incapable of tolerating contact with reality. He must, however, make a decision: where is he to go and what is he to do? The situation as he sees it is summed up in this phrase from letter 581: 'you getting married and me making myself too old.' The symmetry of the two expressions 'marriage' and 'retirement' leaves no room for doubt. It is confirmed several times, for example: 'You will do your duty and I will do mine … and at the end of the possible road we will see each other again in peace' (BVG 048, 12/10/1875); 'Now that you are married, we no longer have to live for big ideas but, believe me, only for small ones. And I find that a great relief … If I can throw myself right back into my work, that's good, but I'm still crazy. If I could commit myself to this for five years, I would get a lot better … But one way or another, it's all the same to me.' (BVG 050, 12/10/1875, 1/10/1876.) In short, the Vincent-Theo symbiosis has come to an end. Not only has Theo refused to become a painter, to identify himself absolutely with Vincent (who made him this proposition from Drente), but he has furthermore abandoned the intermediary position between 'the real life' and the 'artistic life'; he opts for the 'real life' and is going to share it with somebody else. The dilemma is always the same one: identification or separation." (Mauron, pp. 71-72.)

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "So I don't really mind what happens to me -- even staying here -- I think that my fate will be balanced in the long term. Beware of sudden impulses -- since you're getting married, and I'm getting too old -- it's the only policy that can suit us."

227. "I rightly leave [marriage]" BVG 581, 3/24/1889.

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: "You talk to me of what you call 'the real South.' The reason why I shall never go there is above. I rightly leave that to men who have a more well-balanced mind, more integrity than I. I am only good for something intermediate, and second-rate, and self-effaced. However intense my feelings may be, or whatever power of expression I may acquire at an age when physical passions have lessened, I could never build an imposing structure on such a mouldy, shattered past."
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "You speak to me of what you call 'the real south.' Above is the reason why I'll never go there. I rightly leave that to people more complete, more entire than myself. As for me, I'm good only for something intermediate and second-rate and insignificant. However much intensity my feeling may have or my power of expression may acquire, at an age when the material passions are more burned out -- never can I build an imposing edifice on such a mouldy, shattered past."

228. "Leave me quietly here" BVG 579, 3/19/1889.

Context:
BVG 579, 3/19/1889: "The main thing, I cannot tell you this too often, is that you should keep calm too, and let nothing upset you in your business. After your marriage we can set ourselves to clearing all this up, and meanwhile I beg you to leave me quietly here."
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "The main thing, I couldn't say it too often, is that you should keep your calm too, and that nothing should disturb you in your affairs. After your marriage we can deal with sorting all this out, and in the meantime, my word, leave me here quietly."

229. "Except for liberty" BVG 579, 3/19/1889. The same bitter sarcasm can be heard in another line from the same letter: "So courage, then, although the guts fail me at times" (JLB 750, 3/19/1889).

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "Here, except for freedom, except for lots of things that I would wish otherwise, I'm not too bad."

230. "The best thing for me" BVG 580, 3/22/1889.

Context:
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: The best for me would certainly be not to remain alone, but I would prefer to remain eternally in a madhouse than to sacrifice another existence to my own.

231. "Goodness gracious" BVG 583b, 4/10/1889: This is only the second half of Vincent's rant against marriage. Here is the remainder: "[Theo's] in Holland, where he's getting married one of these days. Now, while not denying the advantages of a marriage in the very least, once it has been done and one is quietly set up in one's home, the funereal pomp of the reception &c., the lamentable congratulations of two families (even civilized) at the same time, not to mention the fortuitous appearances in those pharmacist's jars where antediluvian civil or religious magistrates sit -- my word -- isn't there good reason to pity the poor unfortunate obliged to present himself armed with the requisite papers in the places where, with a ferocity unequalled by the cruellest cannibals, you're married alive on the low heat of the aforementioned funereal receptions."

Context:
BVG 583b, 4/10/1889: "The fact is that he is in Holland, where he is getting married one of these days. Well, look here, without denying the least bit in the world the advantages of marriages, once it has been contracted, and of being quietly settled down in one's own home, when I think of the obsequial pomp of the reception and the lamentable congratulations on the part of the two families (still in a state of civilization), not to mention the fortuitous appearances in those chemist's jars where the antediluvian civil and religious magistrates are kept -- goodness gracious -- mustn't one pity the poor wretch who is obliged after having provided himself with the necessary documents, to repair to a locality, where, with a ferocity unequaled by the cruelest cannibals, he is married alive at a slow fire of receptions and the aforesaid funereal pomp."
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: It's because he's in Holland, where he's getting married one of these days. Now, while not denying the advantages of a marriage in the very least, once it has been done and one is quietly set up in one's home, the funereal pomp of the reception &c., the lamentable congratulations of two families (even civilized) at the same time, not to mention the fortuitous appearances in those pharmacist's jars where antediluvian civil or religious magistrates sit -- my word -- isn't there good reason to pity the poor unfortunate obliged to present himself armed with the requisite papers in the places where, with a ferocity unequalled by the cruellest cannibals, you're married alive on the low heat of the aforementioned funereal receptions.

 737 232. or so he thought BVG 583b, 4/10/1889.

Context:
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "Since then my mind has returned yet more to the normal state, for the time being I don't ask for better, provided it lasts."

233. "come do a study or two" See Ch. 38, n. 1045. 234. "find a place together" BVG 580, 3/22/1889. Vincent first raises this possibility in a letter to Theo immediately after Signac's visit. Here, he seems to mention it only as a passing thought, dismissing it quickly. But about ten days later he received a postcard from Signac (JLB 755, 4/8/1889). This brief note contained nothing more intimate than the salutation "My dear friend" (it is signed "Your P. Signac") and no trace of an invitation. (Here is the entire text: "After wandering along the coast, I've settled in Cassis. I'm sending you my address so that you can give me good news about yourself. I've written to your brother, he hasn't replied to me yet." [ibid.]) Vincent responded to this polite note with a long, gushing letter (JLB 756, 4/10/1889) that, like the letter to Horace Livens from Paris, (JLB 569, September or October 1886; see Ch. 25, n. 523) strangely combines social formality and emotional overreach. It is clear from all the evidence that the two artists did not enjoy an intimate relationship, which makes the more confessory passages in the letter terribly sad: "My word, these anxieties ... who can live in modern life without catching his share of them? The best consolation, if not the only remedy, is, it still seems to me, profound friendships, even if these have the disadvantage of anchoring us in life more solidly than may appear desirable to us in the days of great suffering."

Signac did respond to this letter with a polite, conversational summary of his activities on the Côte d'Azur which ends with this very reserved "invitation": "Why don't you come to do a study or two in this pretty country?" -- in reality, nothing more than a suggestion that Vincent might want to come and spend a weekend somewhere nearby on the coast (note that Signac does not offer accommodations) (JLB 757, 4/12/1889). It is enough, however, to persuade Vincent to a new, more delusional iteration of his original fantasy, which he immediately shares with Theo: "Signac has asked me to join him in Cassis" (JLB 758, 4/14/1889-4/17/1889). Vincent himself gives away the wishfulness at work. When he first introduces the idea of living with Signac to Theo, he follows it with a quick dismissal: "... since that's actually scarcely probable" (JLB 751, 3/22/1889). And after the actual "invitation" arrives, he waves it away like the insubstantial wish it was: "... but seeing as we have enough expenses without that, whatever I do or you do it isn't within our means" (JLB 758, 4/14/1889-4/17/1889).

Context:
BVG 580, 3/22/1889: "Perhaps it would have been a good thing for me to accompany him where he was going, and if we had tried to find a new place together, but there, there isn't much likelihood of that now, so what's the use of his putting himself out on purpose to come and see me?"
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "Then perhaps it would have been good that I should accompany him where he's going, and that the two of us could have sought a new place, but there, since that's actually scarcely probable, what's the good of him putting himself out expressly to come and see me?"

 235. He sent a fulsome letter BVG 583b, 4/10/1889.

Context:
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "Here's a hasty croquis of them -- the largest is a poor green countryside with little cottages, blue line of the Alpilles, white and blue sky. The foreground, enclosures with reed hedges where little peach trees are in blossom -- everything there is small, the gardens, the fields, the gardens, the trees, even those mountains, as in certain Japanese landscapes, that's why this subject attracted me. The other landscape is almost all green with a little lilac and grey -- on a rainy day." (Emphasis in original.)

236. in both words and sketches

BVG 583b, 4/10/1889. In the letter he sent Signac, Vincent included two sketches (La Crau with Peach Trees in Bloom [F 583b JH 1682], Orchard in Bloom with View of Arles [F 583b JH 1684) of paintings he was working on: one, a Crau-like vista (La Crau with Peach Trees in Blossom [F 514 JH 1681]) (see Ch. 38, n. 1064), the other a Japanese-print-like orchard (View of Arles with Trees in Blossom [F 515 JH 1683]). He also included a description of the paintings that, like the images themselves, reprised the arguments he had made to Gauguin for the "combination" in the Midi: "Here's a hasty croquis of them -- the largest [La Crau with Peach Trees in Bloom (F 583b JH 1682)] is a poor green countryside with little cottages, blue line of the Alpilles, white and blue sky. The foreground, enclosures with reed hedges where little peach trees are in blossom -- everything there is small, the gardens, the fields, the gardens, the trees, even those mountains, as in certain Japanese landscapes, that's why this subject attracted me. The other landscape is almost all green with a little lilac and grey -- on a rainy day." (Emphasis in original.)

Context:
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "Here's a hasty croquis of them -- the largest is a poor green countryside with little cottages, blue line of the Alpilles, white and blue sky. The foreground, enclosures with reed hedges where little peach trees are in blossom -- everything there is small, the gardens, the fields, the gardens, the trees, even those mountains, as in certain Japanese landscapes, that's why this subject attracted me. The other landscape is almost all green with a little lilac and grey -- on a rainy day." (Emphasis in original.)

237. "My best consolation" BVG 583b, 4/10/1889.

Context:
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "The best consolation, if not the only remedy, is, it still seems to me, profound friendships, even if these have the disadvantage of anchoring us in life more solidly than may appear desirable to us in the days of great suffering."

238. Persuaded that he could never return Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 28: The idea appears to have originated with Salles, or perhaps with the doctors at the hospital; but certainly not with Vincent. On March 1, fully three weeks before Vincent first reported the plan to move from the Yellow House and find another place in Arles (see Ch. 38, n. 1053), the parson wrote Theo: "However, if one succeeds in bringing him back to normal, it would be advisable for him to give up his present lodgings and find quarters in another part of the town. This is the opinion of all." On March 18, Salles was still pushing the idea on an obviously recalcitrant Vincent: "I told him that when he would be completely cured, it would be in his own interest and better for his peace of mind if he were to live in another part of the town. He appeared to accept this suggestion, but pointed out to me that it might be difficult for him to find an apartment elsewhere after all that had taken place." (b1049 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/18/1889.) 239. the neighbors might provoke him BVG 579, 3/19/1889: Vincent goes to great lengths to make this point to Theo as part of his effort to blame his behavior on his accusers. In an earlier letter, he made a slightly different but even more improbable argument: "It appears that the people around here have a legend that makes them afraid of painting and that people talked about that in the town. ... The unfortunate thing is that I'm rather inclined to be impressed, to feel the beliefs of other people myself and not always to laugh at the foundation of truth that there may be in the absurd." (JLB 747, 2/18/1889.) In this convoluted way, Vincent suggests that he is susceptible to the power of suggestion to such a degree that if the neighbors say he is crazy, and act as if he is, then he is prone to believe that he actually is crazy, rather than just laugh it off as an absurd superstition. By a month later, the argument has ripened into a more subtle version -- "These repeated and unexpected emotions, if they should continue, could change a fleeting, momentary mental disturbance into a chronic illness" -- but still amounts to blaming others for his own behavior (JLB 751, 3/22/1889).

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "If I didn't restrain my indignation I would immediately be judged to be a dangerous madman. ... If I'd had my tranquillity I'd have been back on my feet long ago. ... I myself fear a little that if I go outside at liberty I wouldn't always be master of myself if I was provoked or insulted, and one could take advantage of that."

240. he allowed Salles to search BVG 580, 3/22/1889.

Context:
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "What's new is that I think Mr. Salles is trying to find me an apartment in another part of town. I approve of that, for in that way I wouldn't be forced to move house immediately -- I would keep a pied-

 241. "I must have my own" BVG 579, 3/19/1889.

Context:
BVG 579, 3/19/1889: "You know my work would not permit being reduced to living in hotels again. I must have my own fixed niche."
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "To be reduced once again to living in the hotel, you know that my work won't allow it, I must have a fixed pied-

 242. "then I could certainly" JLB 751, 3/22/1889.

Context:
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "What's new is that I think Mr. Salles is trying to find me an apartment in another part of town. I approve of that, for in that way I wouldn't be forced to move house immediately -- I would keep a pied-

 243. But the only willing landlord Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 31: Vincent foresaw the problem he would have finding a new apartment -- given both his problem with the police and his track record with Arles landlords -- as Salles reported: "It would be in his own interest and better for his peace of mind if he were to live in another part of the town. He appeared to accept this suggestion, but pointed out to me that it might be difficult for him to find an apartment elsewhere after all that had taken place." Vincent made the same point to Theo in a different context in May: "My accident being known here in town" (JLB 767, 5/2/1889). Vincent first report that Salles was "trying to find me an apartment in another part of town" comes around March 22 (JLB 751, 3/22/1889; see Ch. 38, n. 1053). A week later, not only has the search proved unsuccessful, but a note of discouragement has crept into Vincent's report of it: "If need be Mr. Salles is pretty sure he can find me an apartment in another district in a few days" (JLB 753, 3/29/1889). A week after that, an apartment has still not been found, and Vincent again toys with discarding the plan as impossible: "All in all it's quite a difficult question to resolve, to take a new apartment, and even to find it, especially by the month" (JLB 754, 4/4/1889). Only around the April 10 is Vincent finally able to report, "I've rented an apartment consisting of two very small rooms" (JLB 756, 4/10/1889). 244. "very small rooms" BVG 583b, 4/10/1889. In his next letter to Theo written almost at the same time as the one to Signac, Vincent announces: "I've taken an apartment of 2 small rooms at 6 (or 8 francs a month, water included) which belong to Mr. Rey. It's certainly not expensive, but not nearly as nice as the other studio." (JLB 758, 4/14/1889-4/17/1889, emphasis in original.)

Context:
BVG 583b, 4/10/1889: "I intend to stay here for the next few months at least; I have rented an apartment consisting of two very small rooms."
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "For the first few months, at least, I plan to go on staying here. I've rented an apartment consisting of two very small rooms."

245. in his mother's house Doiteau and Leroy, p. 190. 246. "Nothing like as nice" BVG 584, 4/13/1889. Vincent does not tell Theo that the house belonged to Dr. Rey's mother (see Ch. 38, n. 1957).

Context:
BVG 584, 4/13/1889: "I've taken an apartment consisting of two little rooms (at 6 to 8 francs per month, water included) belonging to M. Rey. It is certainly not expensive but nothing like as nice as the other studio."
JLB 757, 4/12/1889: "I've taken an apartment of 2 small rooms at 6 (or 8 francs a month, water included) which belong to Mr. Rey. It's certainly not expensive, but not nearly as nice as the other studio." (Emphasis in original.)

247. Yellow House by Easter (April 21) BVG 583, 4/5/1889. The date of April 21 may simply reflect the one-year mark after Vincent rented the Yellow House, but Vincent is vague about this otherwise unusual timing (i.e., not at the beginning or end of the month). We suspect this is because he does not want to share with Theo the details of his dispute with the landlord, which may have also been reflected in the petition (see Ch. 38, n. 728). He adds in the same letter that he spoke to the postman Roulin, who visited Arles in early April, "to have his opinion on what I ought to do as regards the studio, which I must leave in any case, as I was advised by Mr. Salles and Rey" (JLB 754, 4/4/1889). What follows is a long discussion about a dispute over the improvements he had made to the Yellow House (in particular, installing gas) and whether he should withhold rent money from the landlord who was evicting him: "I told Roulin that having done many things to put this house in a much better state than I had taken it in, and above all for the gas which I had put in, I considered it as a piece of work we have done. I'm being forced to leave -- all right -- but to take away the gas -- to make a fuss for damages or something else, certainly there would be justification but I don't have the heart for it. The only thing that I find possible in this case is to tell ourselves that we'd have tried to set up a habitation for unknown successors. And besides, before seeing Roulin I had already been to the gasworks to arrange it so. And Roulin was of the same opinion." (ibid., emphasis added.) This is clearly another in the long line of Vincent's landlord disputes -- a fact that he finally admits explicitly in a letter on the eve of his departure: "I'll have to pay perhaps another 11.87 francs in movable property tax, I've been sent a bill for it at least, in addition to the rest of the rent that I still owe the landlord" (JLB 761, 4/24/1889).

Context:
JLB 754, 4/4/1889: "At Easter I'll have to pay 3 months' rent, the removal costs &c."

248. deadline imposed by his landlord See Ch. 38, n. 1054. 249. "handicraft" BVG 581, 3/24/1889: This, of course, echoes Vincent's earliest conception of his painting enterprise -- as a manual handicraft that keeps his hands and his mind occupied. This is the way that Theo advertised drawing and painting to him when he emerged from his madness in the Borinage (see Chapter 17), and Vincent's long solitude in the mad ward of the Arles hospital apparently led him back to this fundamental conception of art as a means of maintaining mental "equilibrium" (see Ch. 38, n. 295).

Context:
BVG 581, 3/24/1889: "Unfortunately I have a handicraft which I do not know well enough to express myself as I should like."
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "Unfortunately I have a profession which I don't know well enough to express myself as I would wish."

250. around the hospital grounds

BVG 583b, 4/10/1889. By "surroundings," Vincent must mean the countryside, which started only a block from the hospital. Pickvance identifies the location of Orchard in Bloom with View of Arles (F 515 JH 1683) as "south of the town, a half-mile's walk from the hospital," based on the positions of the towers of Saint-Trophime and the Homme de Bronze on the horizon (Pickvance, pp. 250, 251). The other painting Vincent is referring to, La Crau with Peach Trees in Blossom (F 514 JH 1681), is generally identified as a view of the Crau, partly because it shows the "Alpilles" on the horizon (JLB 756, 4/10/1889). But if Vincent did, in fact, venture to the Crau, he went far beyond the "surroundings" of the hospital. Either he violated the terms of his daily release or he partly invented the scene -- or perhaps a little of both.

Context:
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "I am well now and I'm working in the hospital or its surroundings. Thus I've just brought back two studies of orchards."

251. an order for paint BVG 581, 3/24/1889. It was not a large order, by Vincent's standards, and Theo must have sent it immediately, as Vincent thanks him about a week later: "I still have to thank you for your last letter, as well as for the consignment of colours from Guillaume Charles Tasset" (JLB 754, 4/4/1889). Vincent sent a much larger paint order to Theo in mid-April, even though he appears also to have been ordering both paint and canvas directly from Tasset in addition (JLB 758, 4/14/1889-4/17/1889).

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "Could you send me before you leave …"

252. went into town himself BVG 582, 3/29/1889.

Context:
JLB 753, 3/29/1889: "The day before yesterday and yesterday I went into town for an hour to find things to work with."

253. his fifth Berceuse BVG 582, 3/29/1889: Vincent's final version of this image is La Berceuse (Augustine Roulin) (F 504 JH 1655). (See Ch. 38, n. 672.) There is a possibility that this was, however, his sixth Berceuse, which is not inconsistent with his statement that he was "going back" to the image for the fifth time, since the original image would not technically have been a "going back" (see Ch. 38, n. 650). An odd but probably significant shift takes place in Vincent's view of this image at this time. Whereas before he had always seen La Berceuse (Madame Roulin) as a maternal icon (see Chapter 34), now he re-introduces her as a marital icon. Already in January, he had commented on how happily married the Roulins were: "As married people our parents were exemplary, like Roulin and his wife to quote another specimen" (JLB 741, 1/22/1889). By the time he gets around to his fifth (or sixth) Berceuse in late March, he has completely reimagined her as the image of wifely comfort, not maternal comfort: "But anyway, I'm trying to make an image such as a sailor who couldn't paint would imagine it when he was in the middle of the sea and thought of a woman on land" (JLB 753, 3/29/1889). Surely when a sailor at sea thinks of his wife ashore, he thinks of sex -- a very different kind of comfort than the gentle rocking and lullaby-singing of the maternal Berceuse. This imaginative transformation from mother to wife -- or conflation of mother and wife -- was probably wrought by the imminent prospect of Theo's marriage to Jo Bonger.

Context:
JLB 753, 3/29/1889: "And here I am, going back to my figure of the Berceuse for the 5th time. And when you see it you'll agree with me that it's nothing but a chromolithograph from a penny bazaar, and what's more, it doesn't even have the merit of being photographically correct in the proportions or in anything."

254. portrait of the postman Roulin

Vincent paints three new portraits of Roulin at this time: Portrait of the Postman Joseph Roulin (F 439 JH 1673), Portrait of the Postman Joseph Roulin (F 435 JH 1674), and Portrait of the Postman Joseph Roulin (F 436 JH 1675), treating each one, as he did the portraits of Roulin's wife, to a new floral wallpaper background with each repetition, but hardly a change to the likeness itself, which he clearly traced from the original, which was Portrait of the Postman Joseph Roulin (F 433 JH 1524), painted in late July and early August 1888, or a drawing thereof (see Ch. 31, n. 242). By Vincent's own standards, these repetitions are not a good sign of mental health. In January, he had written: "If you want some I can certainly send them to you now, but when calm returns to me I hope to do something else" (JLB 732, 1/7/1889). Pereira notes that the "swirling arabesques" in the background of the portraits of the postman vary, whereas Vincent copied the floral wallpaper behind La Berceuse relatively unchanged from version to version (Pereira, pp. 165-166).

255. who visited Arles BVG 583, 4/5/1889. In a letter from early April, Vincent writes that Roulin had visited him yesterday, which would put the latter's visit about a week after Signac's. The reunion of the artist and his favorite model, especially after all of Vincent's travails, was particularly touching, at least for the latter, whose heart was obviously aching to be touched: "While Roulin isn't exactly old enough to be like a father to me, all the same he has silent solemnities and tendernesses for me like an old soldier would have for a young one. Always -- but without a word -- a certain something that seems to mean: we don't know what will happen to us tomorrow, but think of me in any event. And that does one good when it comes from a man who is neither embittered nor sad, nor perfect, nor happy, nor always irreproachably just, but such a good soul and so wise and so moved and so full of belief." (JLB 754, 4/4/1889.)

Context:
JLB 754, 4/4/1889: "By the way -- just today friend Roulin came to see me -- he told me to give you his warm regards and to congratulate you."

256. a land of jolly, carefree peasants BVG 583, 4/5/1889.

Context:
JLB 754, 4/4/1889: "By the way -- just today friend Roulin came to see me … As he has a strong peasant nature, that doesn't prevent him from always looking well and even joyful -- however for me, who am always learning something new from him, what lessons for the future there are in his conversation when he seems to say that the road doesn't become easier as one advances in life."

257. "strong constitutions" BVG 583, 4/5/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1116.)

Context:
BVG 583, 4/5/1889: "His visit gave me a lot of pleasure; he often has to carry loads you would call too heavy, but it doesn't prevent him, as he has the strong constitution of the peasant, from always looking well and even jolly. But for me, who am perpetually learning from him afresh, what a lesson for the future it is when one gathers from his talk that life does not grow any easier as one gets on in life."
JLB 754, 4/4/1889: "His visit gave me considerable pleasure, he often has to carry burdens which one would say were too heavy. As he has a strong peasant nature, that doesn't prevent him from always looking well and even joyful -- however for me, who am always learning something new from him, what lessons for the future there are in his conversation when he seems to say that the road doesn't become easier as one advances in life."

258. "high spirits" BVG 583, 4/5/1889. It is perhaps a sign of Vincent's groping for optimism that, in the very same letter, he seems to contradict the very image of the Midi that Roulin stirs in his imagination: "Anyway, it's like that just about everywhere, business affairs that aren't going well, worn-out resources, discouraged people and -- -- -- -- as you were saying, not content to remain spectators and becoming wicked through lack of occupation. If someone still laughs or works, they come down on him fast." (JLB 754, 4/4/1889.) Are the people in good spirits or are they not?

Context:
BVG 583, 4/5/1889: "Fortunately the weather is fine and the sun glorious, and people here quickly forget all their griefs for the time being and then they brim over with high spirits and illusions."
JLB 754, 4/4/1889: "Fortunately the weather is fine and the sun glorious, and the people here momentarily quickly forget all their troubles and then glow with energy and illusions."

259. pledge he had made in January BVG 566, 1/4/1889: One of Vincent's first promises to Theo when he regained his composure after the events of Christmas was to paint another series of orchard paintings when spring came.

Context:
JLB 729, 1/4/1889: "I expect to start work again soon. When I come out I'll be able to continue on my way here again, and soon the fine days will come and I'll start on the orchards in blossom again."

260. "Soon the fine weather" BVG 566, 1/4/1889.

Context:
BVG 566, 1/4/1889: "I expect to begin work again soon. When I come out I shall be able to take my little road here again, and soon the fine weather will be coming and I shall begin again on the orchards in bloom."
JLB 729, 1/4/1889: "I expect to start work again soon. When I come out I'll be able to continue on my way here again, and soon the fine days will come and I'll start on the orchards in blossom again."

261. a big doux-pays vista La Crau with Peach Trees in Blossom, F 514 JH 1681, April, 1889, oil on canvas, 25.8 x 32.1 in., 65.5 x 81.5 cm., Courtauld Institute Galleries, London. 262. view of a single twisted tree

Spectators in the Arena at Arles, F 548 JH 1653, December, 1888, oil on canvas, 28.7 x 36.2 in., 73 x 92 cm., Hermitage, St. Petersburg.

738 263. a Japan of the South BVG 583b, 4/10/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1050.) A third painting of orchards in bloom, not mentioned in the text, is Orchard in Blossom with View of Arles (F 516 JH 1685). It appears to be have painted from roughly the same spot as View of Arles with Trees in Blossom (F 515 JH 1683): i.e., looking back toward the town with the Arles skyline in the distance.

Context:
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "Here's a hasty croquis of them -- the largest is a poor green countryside with little cottages, blue line of the Alpilles, white and blue sky. The foreground, enclosures with reed hedges where little peach trees are in blossom -- everything there is small, the gardens, the fields, the gardens, the trees, even those mountains, as in certain Japanese landscapes, that's why this subject attracted me." (Emphasis in original.)

264. a drawing and a painting

The drawing is The Courtyard of the Hospital at Arles (F 1467 JH 1688); the painting is The Courtyard of the Hospital at Arles (F 519 JH 1687).

265. its shaggy boxwood parterres BVG W11, 4/30/1889: Vincent himself refers to them as "large sad, dark box bushes."

Context:
JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889: "So it's a painting chock-full of flowers and springtime greenery. However, three black, sad tree-trunks cross it like snakes, and in the foreground four large sad, dark box bushes."

266. "forget-me-nots" BVG W11, 4/30/1889. We have combined elements from both translations.

Context:
BVG W11, 4/30/1889: "In front of those galleries an antique garden with a pond in the middle, and eight flower beds, forget-me-nots, Christmas roses, anemones, ranunculus, wallflowers, daisies, and so on."
JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889: "In front of these galleries an ancient garden with a pond in the middle and 8 beds of flowers, forget-me-nots, Christmas roses, anemones, buttercups, wallflowers, daisies &c."

267. a new pose of independence BVG 580, 3/22/1889. Vincent asserts his new independence with this curt instruction to his brother: "Stay apart from me for business matters, and in the meantime I am a man too, after all, you know, I'll get by on my own, as regards what concerns me in matters of conscience" (JLB 751, 3/22/1889). In the next letter, another summary call for separation from his brother: "I think that my fate will be balanced in the long term. Beware of sudden impulses -- since you're getting married, and I'm getting too old -- it's the only policy that can suit us." (JLB 752, 3/24/1889.) A necessary adjunct to this declaration of independence is a campaign to convince his brother that all is going well in his life. The misinformation he gives to Signac (see Ch. 38, n. 989) is a key part of that campaign, but it takes other forms, too. His assertion in late March that, when he returned to the Yellow House with Signac, he "was able to learn that the real neighbours, those whom I know, weren't among those who got up that petition" is demonstrably false (JLB 753, 3/29/1889) (see Ch. 38, n. 756). Still, he insists to Theo: "However it may be, anyway I saw that I still had friends among them" (ibid.).

His account of the visit from Joseph Roulin (whom Theo had met and corresponded with) in early April is probably another example of Vincent's campaign of reassuring misinformation to convince Theo that all was well in Arles: "His visit gave me considerable pleasure, he often has to carry burdens which one would say were too heavy. As he has a strong peasant nature, that doesn't prevent him from always looking well and even joyful -- however for me, who am always learning something new from him, what lessons for the future there are in his conversation when he seems to say that the road doesn't become easier as one advances in life." (JLB 754, 4/4/1889.) Vincent uses Roulin (just as he used Signac) to introduce into Theo's thinking some reassuring notions that he, Vincent, had probably invented: "Roulin was saying, or rather made it understood, that he didn't at all like the anxiety that has reigned here in Arles this winter, even considered completely outside the share that fell on me. Anyway, it's like that just about everywhere, business affairs that aren't going well, worn-out resources, discouraged people and -- -- -- -- as you were saying, not content to remain spectators and becoming wicked through lack of occupation. If someone still laughs or works, they come down on him fast." (ibid.) That this narrative of victimization by a disillusioned populace is specious is apparent both from its substance (who could seriously characterize Vincent as a person who "still laughs or works") and from Vincent's wildly more positive assessment of the local mood only a few paragraphs later in the same letter: "Fortunately the weather is fine and the sun glorious, and the people here momentarily quickly forget all their troubles and then glow with energy and illusions" (ibid.).

Context:
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "Anyway, there you have something of the cause of my silence, so stay apart from me for business matters, and in the meantime I am a man too, after all, you know, I'll get by on my own, as regards what concerns me in matters of conscience."

268. "I am on the high road" BVG 580, 3/22/1889.

Context:
BVG 580, 3/22/1889: "I shake your hand in thought. Tell your fiancée and our mother and sister not to worry about me and to believe that I am on the high road to recovery."
JLB 751, 3/22/1889: "I shake your hand heartily in thought, tell your fiancée, Mother and our sister not to worry about me, and to believe that I'm well on the road to recovery."

269. might trigger a relapse BVG 579, 3/19/1889.

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "If I'm patient, that could only make me stronger so that I won't be so much in danger of relapsing into a crisis."

270. a Voltairean cosmic laugh BVG 585, 4/21/1889: Vincent invokes Voltaire's Candide directly.

Context:
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "I assure you that these strange days in which many things seem odd to me because my brain is shaken up, I don't hate père Pangloss in all of this."

271. "I am recovering" BVG 579, 3/19/1889.

Context:
BVG 579, 3/19/1889: "Very good -- so much for your better guidance; as far as my mental state is concerned, I am greatly shaken, but I am recovering a sort of calm in spite of everything, so as not to get angry."
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "Good. That's for your guidance; as regards my moral state, I'm badly shaken, but all the same I'm recovering a certain calm so as not to get angry."

272. Father Pangloss BVG 588, 4/30/1889.

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "However, think of Pangloss, think of Bouvard and Pécuchet, I know, then even that can be explained, but those people perhaps don't know Pangloss, or else one forgets everything one knows about him under the inevitable bite of real despairs and great pains."

273. Bouvard and Pécuchet BVG 588, 4/30/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1090.)

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "However, think of Pangloss, think of Bouvard and Pécuchet ..."

274. "The best we can do" BVG 579, 3/19/1889. Vincent makes essentially the same argument to his sister Wil six weeks later: "Anyway, it isn't always pleasant, but I try not to forget completely how to jest, I try to avoid everything that might relate to heroism and martyrdom, in short I try not to take lugubrious things lugubriously" (JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889).

Context:
BVG 579, 3/19/1889: "My dear boy, the best we can do perhaps is to make fun of our petty griefs and, in a way, of the great griefs of human life too. Take it like a man, go straight to your goal."
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "My dear brother, the best thing remains perhaps to joke about our little miseries, and also a little about the great ones of human life. Take it like a man and walk dead straight towards your goal."

275. embraced the soothing, sentimental works BVG 582, 3/29/1889. He adds a few days later: "These last few days I've been reading Dickens's Contes de Noël, in which there are things so profound that one must re-read them often, it has a very great deal in common with [Thomas] Carlyle" (JLB 754, 4/4/1889). A few weeks later, he writes his sister Wil in a much more emphatic testimonial on behalf of his new/old reading: "I've re-read Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom with extreme attention precisely because it's a woman's book, written, she says, while making soup for her children, and then also with extreme attention C. Dickens's Christmas Tales" (JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889, emphasis in original).

Context:
JLB 753, 3/29/1889: "I've had another few books brought in order to have a few solid ideas in my mind. I've re-read La case de l'oncle Tom -- you know, the book by Beecher Stowe on slavery -- Dickens's Contes de Noël."

276. "I read in order to mediate" BVG W11, 4/30/1889.

Context:
JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889: "I read little so as to think about it more."

739 277. "a single blade of grass" BVG 542, 9/24/1888. In this passage from a year earlier, Vincent states explicitly that he saw these images as a route to mental health (or at least stability): "And we wouldn't be able to study Japanese art, it seems to me, without becoming much happier and more cheerful, and it makes us return to nature, despite our education and our work in a world of convention" (JLB 686, 9/23/1888 or 9/24/1888). Vincent had no further to look for this inspiration than the walls of his room. In October 1888, he wrote Bernard: "I have the reproduction ([Siegfried] Bing publication) of a Japanese drawing: A single blade of grass. What an example of awareness." (JLB 696, 10/3/1888, emphasis in original.) Seven months later (May 1889), after he had moved out of the Yellow House and through all the eruptions in the interim, the image still had pride of place: "In my room I have the famous portrait of a man (the wood engraving) that you know, a mandarin woman by Monorou (the large print from the Bing album), the blade of grass (from the same album)" (JLB 768, 5/3/1889).

Context:
BVG 542, 9/24/1888: "If we study Japanese art, we discover a man who is undeniably wise, philosophical and intelligent, who spends his time -- doing what? Studying the distance from the earth and the moon? No! Studying the politics of Bismarck No! He studies … a single blade of grass. ... That is how he spends his life, and life is too short to do everything. So come, isn't what we are taught by these simple Japanese, who live in nature as if they themselves were flowers, almost a true religion?"
JLB 686, 9/23/1888 or 9/24/1888: "If we study Japanese art, then we see a man, undoubtedly wise and a philosopher and intelligent, who spends his time -- on what? -- studying the distance from the earth to the moon? -- no; studying Bismarck's politics? -- no, he studies a single blade of grass. ... He spends his life like that, and life is too short to do everything. Just think of that; isn't it almost a new religion that these Japanese teach us, who are so simple and live in nature as if they themselves were flowers?"

278. vignettes of flowers and butterflies

Grass and Butterflies (F 460 JH 1676) and Two White Butterflies (F 402 JH 1677), both called Corner of a Garden with Flowers and Butterflies.

 279. swirling clumps of grass

Swirling clumps of grass appear in both the paintings of grass with butterflies (see Ch. 38, n. 1102), but another painting, Clumps of Grass (F 582 JH 1678), is devoted exclusively to an extreme close-up of two vortices of grass clumps. What Druick and Zegers say of one of the former pair, Grass and Butterflies (F 460 JH 1676), really applies to all of these three paintings: "[It] is arguably more personally and professionally revealing. Technically the work is a model of control, the forms built up with long, directional marks that combine like strands of thread into a richly embroidered, multicolored surface pattern. The white ground, which the artist applied himself, shines through between the thick brush strokes, its brightness balanced by passages of black." (Druick and Zegers, p. 273.) While we agree with Druick and Zegers that the image of the butterfly had deep roots in Vincent's imagination (including Frederik van Eeden's Eine Kleine Johannes [see Ch. 34, n. 319]), we question their identification of the single red butterfly in Grass and Butterflies (F 460 JH 1676) with Gauguin ("a single butterfly in Gauguin's signature bright red") (ibid.).

280. as close as botanical studies Roskill, pp. 324-325: "[Vincent's] rendering is comparably in the spirit of a botanical study, and the roots or ground from which the plants are growing up is similarly cut off from view." 281. especially to please Theo See, e.g., Ch. 38, n. 240. 282. Dr. Rey's mischievous notion BVG 587, 4/25/1889-4/28/1889. Vincent tells the same story, at much greater length, to his sister, without naming Rey as its author: "the junior doctor here ... sometimes amuses himself mystifying the little women by telling them that love is also a microbe. Although then the little women, and even a few men, let out loud shouts, he doesn't care at all and is imperturbable on that point. As for kissing and all the rest that it pleases us to add to it, that's just a natural kind of act like drinking a glass of water or eating a piece of bread. Certainly it's quite indispensable to kiss, otherwise serious disorders arise. Now must cerebral sympathies always go with or without what precedes. Why regulate all that, eh, what's the use?" (JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889.) There is evidence that Rey introduced the notion that Vincent's problem was caused by a microbe early in Vincent's treatment. In late January, Vincent wrote Theo, "At the bottom of our hearts good old Gauguin and I understand each other, and if we're a bit mad, so be it, ... But doesn't the antidote [to this madness] exist? In Delacroix, in [Hector] Berlioz and [Richard] Wagner? And really, our artistic madness which all the rest of us have, I don't say that I especially haven't been struck to the marrow by it. But I say and will maintain that our antidotes and consolations can, with a little good will, be considered as amply prevalent." (JLB 743, 1/28/1889.) In March, he refers to his month of solitude as "perhaps a sort of quarantine I'm being put through" (JLB 750, 3/19/1889). However, by a month later (the time of the instant passage), Vincent seems to have passed from using Rey's notion as a peculiar metaphor to entertaining it as fact.

Context:
JLB 763, 4/28/1889: "Besides, Rey and I have already joked about it sometimes, for he says that love is also a microbe, which wouldn't astonish me much, and couldn't bother anyone, it would seem to me."

283. "might possibly be caused" BVG W11, 4/30/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1095.)

Context:
BVG W11, 4/30/1889: "I look upon the whole thing as a simple accident. There can be no doubt that much of this is my own fault, and at times I have attacks of melancholy and of atrocious remorse; but you know, the fact is, that when all this discourages me and gives me spleen, I am not ashamed to tell myself that the remorse and all the other things that are wrong might possibly be caused by microbes too, like love."
JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889: "I consider the whole rather as a simple accident, no doubt a large part of it is my fault, and from time to time I have fits of melancholy, atrocious remorse, but you see, when that's going to discourage me completely and make me gloomy, I'm not exactly embarrassed to say that remorse and fault are possibly microbes too, just like love."

284. an inexorable martyrdom BVG W11, 4/30/1889. In unequivocal terms, Vincent rejects the martyrdom he used to welcome: "It's very likely that I have a lot more to suffer. And that doesn't suit me at all, to tell you the truth, for I wouldn't wish for a martyr's career in any circumstances. For I've always sought something other than the heroism I don't have, which I certainly admire in others but which, I repeat, I do not believe to be my duty or my ideal. ... I try not to forget completely how to jest, I try to avoid everything that might relate to heroism and martyrdom, in short I try not to take lugubrious things lugubriously." (JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889; emphasis in original.) A "martyr's life" is the opposite of the serenity that Vincent is trying to achieve upon his release from the hospital. But he keeps being drawn to it by his self-righteousness, self-pity, and defensiveness -- a feeling that he has been persecuted and wronged. Thus, he can read both Candide, a tale of serenity ("jest"), in the face of calamity, and Uncle Tom's Cabin, which combines a chronicle of injustice, affliction, tragedy, and, indeed, martyrdom, with the model of serenity that Uncle Tom remains throughout his trials.

Context:
JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889: "Anyway, it isn't always pleasant, but I try not to forget completely how to jest, I try to avoid everything that might relate to heroism and martyrdom, in short I try not to take lugubrious things lugubriously."

285. "simple accident" BVG W11, 4/30/1889.

Context:
BVG W11, 4/30/1889: "I look upon the whole thing as a simple accident. There can be no doubt that much of this is my own fault, and at times I have attacks of melancholy and of atrocious remorse; but you know, the fact is, that when all this discourages me and gives me spleen, I am not ashamed to tell myself that the remorse and all the other things that are wrong might possibly be caused by microbes too, like love."
JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889: "I consider the whole rather as a simple accident, no doubt a large part of it is my fault, and from time to time I have fits of melancholy, atrocious remorse, but you see, when that's going to discourage me completely and make me gloomy, I'm not exactly embarrassed to say that remorse and fault are possibly microbes too, just like love."

286. "I am beginning to consider" BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
BVG 585, 4/21/1889: "What comforts me a little is that I am beginning to consider madness as a disease like any other and accept the thing as such, whereas during the crises themselves I thought that everything I imagined was real. … It is a disease like any other, and now almost everyone we know among our friends has something the matter with him. So is it worth talking about?"
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "What consoles me a little is that I'm beginning to consider madness as an illness like any other and accept the thing as it is, while during the actual crises it seemed to me that everything I was imagining was reality. … it's an illness like any other, and currently almost all those we know among our friends have something. So is it worth talking about?"

287. into the distant past The same campaign to imagine his life without Theo drew Vincent's eye to a newspaper article about an inscription on an ancient tomb nearby (Vincent identifies the location of the inscription as "at Carpentras," a town about forty miles or sixty kilometers northeast of Arles [JLB 753, 3/29/1889]). An early Greek settler, bringing the religion of the Egyptians to the banks of the Rhône two thousand years before, had carved an epitaph that Vincent coveted: "'Thebe, daughter of Telhui, priestess of Osiris, who never complained about anyone'" (JLB 753, 3/29/1889; see Ch. 38, n. 1110). He seized on this primitive wisdom, making it a motto as powerful as any that had ruled him in the past. "To suffer without complaining is the only lesson that has to be learned in this life" he wrote (JLB 750, 3/19/1889). He wrote this ten days before reporting the article about the ancient inscription, indicating that, on emerging from his month-long solitude, his mind was primed for models of resignation and serenity, even as distant as Thebe, priestess of Osiris. He urged Theo to tell Gauguin that he had finally learned this lesson, and he apologized to his brother for not having learned it sooner (ibid.). He tried desperately to convince Theo, and himself, that in his new life as the uncomplaining Thebe, even in solitude, he could yet find the "reason," "patience," and "serenity" that Theo would soon find in marriage (JLB 753, 3/29/1889). 288. "Oh, if only nothing" BVG 581, 3/24/1889.

Context:
JLB 752, 3/24/1889: "Ah, if only nothing had happened to mess things up for me!"

289. "certain undercurrent of vague sadness" BVG 583, 4/5/1889.

Context:
BVG 583, 4/5/1889: "I am well just now, except for a certain undercurrent of vague sadness difficult to define -- but anyway -- I have rather gained than lost in physical strength, and I am working."
JLB 754, 4/4/1889: "I'm well these days, apart from a certain vague background sadness that's hard to define -- but anyway -- I've gained physical powers rather than lose them, and I'm working."

290. "no prospect of any better" BVG 583, 4/5/1889.

Context:
BVG 583, 4/5/1889: "At Easter I shall have to pay three months' rent, the removal, etc. All this is not very cheering or convenient, especially as there seems no prospect of any better luck anywhere."
JLB 754, 4/4/1889: "At Easter I'll have to pay 3 months' rent, the removal costs &c. All that is neither cheering nor convenient. Especially since absolutely nothing promises us better luck."

291. "weakness of character" BVG 588, 4/30/1889.

Context:
BVG 588, 4/30/1889: "That was a blow to me, since not only the studio had come to grief, but even the studies that would have been reminders of it. It is all so final, and my urge to found something very simple but lasting was so strong. I was fighting a losing battle, or rather it was weakness of character on my part, for I am left with feelings of deep remorse about it, difficult to describe."
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "That had an effect on me, not only the studio having foundered, but even the studies which would have been the memories of it damaged, it's so final, and my urge to found something very simple but durable was so strong. It was fighting against insurmountable odds, or rather it was weakness of character on my part, for I still have feelings of grave remorse difficult to define."

292. "deplorable and melancholy" BVG 586, 4/24/1889.

Context:
BVG 586, 4/24/1889: "There remains, however, the idea of an association of painters, of lodging them in common, some of them; though we did not succeed, though it is a deplorable and melancholy failure, the idea is still true and reasonable, like so many others. But we won't begin again."
JLB 761, 4/24/1889: "Remains, however, the fact that the idea of association of painters, of housing them together, some of them, although we haven't succeeded, although it's a deplorable and painful failure -- this idea remains true and reasonable -- like so many others. But no beginning again."

293. "But we won't begin again" BVG 586, 4/24/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1128.)

Context:
JLB 761, 4/24/1889: "But no beginning again."

294. He sent guilty reports BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "Then, since my clothes were in not too brilliant a state -- so that when I went out into the street it became necessary to have something new -- I took a 35-franc suit and 4 francs for 6 pairs of socks."

295. living on his own terrified him Vincent's ambivalence about moving out of the hospital is evident throughout this period. In mid-February, he writes, "Then at the hospital they know me now, and if this were to come on again it would pass in silence, and at the hospital they'd know what to do. I have absolutely no desire to be treated by other doctors, nor do I feel the need for it." (JLB 747, 2/18/1889.) This comfort in the hospital -- only at times when he is not having an attack, of course -- runs directly counter to the recommendations of doctors and the push from Salles for him to find a more permanent home, either in an asylum or at home. Only a week earlier, Salles had written: "After having discussed the matter with the administrator, the house physician and Doctor Deloy [sic; see Ch. 38, n. 799], we decided that I would write to you for your advice. It is clear that your brother should be watched continuously and should have the special attention which he can only receive in a mental hospital or in the family. He cannot stay in the hospital." (b1046 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 2/7/1889; emphasis added.)

More than month later, on March 19, Vincent is still concerned and reluctant about being "set free": "Only to warn you: to free me -- first I don't ask it, being sure that all of this accusation will be reduced to nothing. Only I say to you, you would find it difficult to free me. If I didn't restrain my indignation I would immediately be judged to be a dangerous madman. ... I myself fear a little that if I go outside at liberty I wouldn't always be master of myself if I was provoked or insulted, and one could take advantage of that." (JLB 750, 3/19/1889.)

In April, Vincent painted Ward in the Hospital in Arles (F 646 JH 1686, April 1889, oil on canvas, 29.1 x 36.2 in., 74 x 92 cm., Winterthur, Oskar Reinhart Collection 'Am Römerholz'), a strangely fond aide de memoire of the ward where he had suffered so much. (Such rituals were usually reserved for "homes.") In loving detail, Vincent describes the painting of the hospital ward in a letter to his sister Wil: "[I] have just done two paintings of the hospital. One is a ward, a very long ward with the rows of beds with white curtains where a few figures of patients are moving. The walls, the ceiling with the large beams, everything is white in a lilac white or green white. Here and there a window with a pink or bright green curtain. The floor tiled with red bricks. At the far end a door surmounted by a crucifix. It's very, very simple." (JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889.)

296. "I shall move out" BVG 579, 3/19/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1272.)

Context:
JLB 750, 3/19/1889: "I'll move house when I see the means naturally."

297. "just about returned" BVG 583b, 4/10/1889.

Context:
BVG 583b, 4/10/1889: "Since your visit my head has just about returned to its normal state, and for the time being I desire nothing better than that this will last."
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "Since then my mind has returned yet more to the normal state, for the time being I don't ask for better, provided it lasts."

298. "inner seizures of despair" BVG 583b, 4/10/1889.

Context:
BVG 583b, 4/10/1889: "But at times it is not easy for me to take up living again, for there remain inner seizures of despair of a pretty large caliber."
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "But at times it isn't completely convenient for me to start living again, for I still have inner despairs of quite a large calibre."

299. The potassium bromide he took BVG 574, 1/28/1889. According to Gastaut, Félix Rey's deeply-held conviction as to the epileptic nature of Vincent's attacks also emerges from the treatment programme he had established and which included high doses of "bromide" (Gastaut, p. 198). Vincent undoubtedly stayed on the bromide treatment for the rest of his stay in Arles. As to whether he continued it at the asylum in Saint-Rémy, see Ch. 39, n. 315.

Context:
JLB 743, 1/28/1889: "However, the unbearable hallucinations have stopped for now, reducing themselves to a simple nightmare on account of taking potassium bromide, I think."

300. "Not all my days are clear" BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
BVG 585, 4/21/1889: "I shake your hand in thought. I do not know if I shall write very, very often because not all my days are clear enough for me to write fairly logically."
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "I shake your hand heartily in thought, I don't know if I'll write to you very, very often, because all my days aren't clear enough to write somewhat logically."

301. he could not remember BVG 583b, 4/10/1889. Around April 10, Vincent misdated his letter to Signac "March 1889" (JLB 756, 4/10/1889). 302. felt too fatigued to write BVG 587, 4/25/1889-4/28/1889. A short time later, he wrote his sister Wil, "There you are, I'm letting myself go on and on. Yet often I can't write two lines, and I really fear that my ideas may be futile or incoherent this time too." (JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889.) This "fatigue in the mind" also showed itself in the letters he did manage to write (ibid.). In early May, in a letter to Theo, he mentions three times that he has enclosed Gauguin's fencing equipment in a crate of paintings (JLB 767, 5/2/1889). And the inventory of paintings in the crate is repeated in two successive letters only days apart. In another letter (JLB 768, 5/3/1889), Vincent responds to his brother's mention of Puvis de Chavannes and Degas in JLB 766, 5/2/1889 with this nonsequitur: "Ah, what you said about Puvis and Delacroix is darned right."

Context:
JLB 763, 4/28/1889: "But I'm finishing this letter abruptly, I wanted to talk to you about a heap of other things, but it's as I've already written to you, my ideas aren't ordered."

303. he couldn't resist BVG 583b, 4/10/1889. We take Vincent's pledge after Signac's visit as an admission that he did, in fact, drink in Signac's presence. In this regard, it is significant that, when he decides to go to Saint-Rémy around April 19, he makes it clear to Theo that he does not intend to stop drinking by railing against "[t]he frightful superstition of certain people on the subject of alcohol, so that they prevail upon themselves never to drink or smoke. We're already advised not to lie or steal and not to commit other great or small crimes, and it becomes too complicated if it was absolutely indispensable not to possess anything but virtues in a society in which we're very indubitably rooted, be it good or bad." (JLB 760, 4/21/1889.) He then demands that Theo make the same arguments to his keepers, Salles and Rey, so that they do not try to force him to quit either smoking or drinking: "But you'll do me a service by tackling the question forthrightly with Mr. Salles and Mr. Rey" (ibid.). One of Vincent's selling points for the asylum at Saint-Rémy is that it might serve extra wine just as the hospital in Arles does ("Ordinary food suits me perfectly well, especially if, like here, I could be given a little more wine than usual down there, half a litre instead of a quarter, for example") -- an indication that he had not been deprived entirely of alcohol during his stay in the hospital (ibid.). It is rationing that he is railing against. Abstinence was unthinkable. "For virtue and sobriety, I'm only too afraid, would lead me again into those parts where usually I very quickly lose the compass completely, and where this time I must try to have less passion and more bonhomie" (JLB 768, 5/3/1889).

Context:
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "Since then my mind has returned yet more to the normal state, for the time being I don't ask for better, provided it lasts. That will depend above all on a very sober regime."

304. "a very sober way" BVG 583b, 4/10/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1143.)

Context:
BVG 583b, 4/10/1889: "Since your visit my head has just about returned to its normal state, and for the time being I desire nothing better than that this will last. Above all it will depend on a very sober way of living."
JLB 756, 4/10/1889: "Since then my mind has returned yet more to the normal state, for the time being I don't ask for better, provided it lasts. That will depend above all on a very sober regime."

305. he guessed that the deed See Ch. 38, n. 1264. 306. He wished his brother well BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "You'll probably be back in Paris when this letter arrives. I wish you and your wife lots of happiness."

307. thanked him for all BVG 585, 4/21/1889: "All your kindnesses for me, I've found them greater than ever today. I can't tell you it as I feel it, but I assure you that that kindness has been of great worth, ... Only transfer this affection onto your wife as much as possible. And if we correspond a little less you'll see that if she is as I think she is, she will console you. That's what I hope." Bonger's ellipsis is filled in by the new letters translation: "All your kindnesses for me, I've found them greater than ever today. I can't tell you it as I feel it, but I assure you that that kindness has been of great worth, and if you don't see its results, my dear brother, don't be upset about it, you will still have your kindness. Only transfer this affection onto your wife as much as possible. And if we correspond a little less you'll see that if she is as I think she is, she will console you. That's what I hope." (JLB 760, 4/21/1889; emphasis added.) (Emphasis added to show where Bonger left out Vincent's final apologetic spasm of guilt and inadequacy, which was, apparently, not sufficiently celebratory of the occasion.)

Context:
BVG 585, 4/21/1889: "All your kindnesses for me, I've found them greater than ever today."
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "All your kindnesses for me, I've found them greater than ever today."

740 308. apologized one last timeSee Ch. 38, n. 1144. 309. "kindness"BVG 585, 4/21/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1144.)

Context:
BVG 585, 4/21/1889: "I can't put the way I feel it in words, but I assure you that this kindness has been pure gold, and if you do not see any results from it, my dear brother, don't fret about it; your own goodness abides."
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "I can't tell you it as I feel it, but I assure you that that kindness has been of great worth, and if you don't see its results, my dear brother, don't be upset about it, you will still have your kindness."

310. "comfort"BVG 585, 4/21/1889. The new translation uses the word "console" instead of "comfort" (see Ch. 38, n. 1144).

Context:
BVG 585, 4/21/1889: "If we correspond somewhat less, you will see that if she is what I think her, she will comfort you. That is what I hope."
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "And if we correspond a little less you'll see that if she is as I think she is, she will console you. That's what I hope."

311. "transfer this affection" BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
BVG 585, 4/21/1889: "Only transfer this affection to your wife as much as possible."
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "Only transfer this affection onto your wife as much as possible."

312. the eve of the wedding Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 32: Salles pins down the precise day of Vincent's volte-face to April 17 ("the day before yesterday"), which would put it on the day before Theo's wedding on April 18. Since Vincent had been kept in the dark about the wedding plans (see Ch. 38, n. 1264), he might well have thought that the wedding was scheduled for April 17. If he had been right, his decision to go to an asylum would have occurred on the same day as Theo's wedding, indicating, if not proving, that the two events were related. 313. "I am unable look" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," pp. 32-33: Salles does not use quotation marks precisely, but he puts the words in Vincent's voice and clearly intends to convey his precise words: "[Vincent] is entirely conscious of his condition and talks to me of what he has been through and which he fears may return, with a candor and simplicity which is touching. 'I am unable, he told me the day before yesterday, to look after myself and control myself; I feel quite different from what I used to be.'" 314. "immediately" BVG 586, 4/24/1889: Vincent's announces his decision to go to an asylum to Salles a few days before Theo's marriage (see Ch. 38, n. 1172). He attaches the word "right now" to his demand in a letter to Theo only a few days after the wedding (JLB 761, 4/24/1889).

Context:
BVG 586, 4/24/1889: "I should like to ask you loads of things about Holland and about these days. Poor egoist that I have always been and still am, I can't get the idea out of my head, although I have already explained it to you two or three times, that it is really for the best if I go into an asylum immediately."
JLB 761, 4/24/1889: "Thus I'd like to ask you a heap of things about Holland and about recent days. Poor egotist that I've always been and still am now, I can't shake off this idea, which, however, I've already explained to you two or three times, that it's thus for the best that I go into an asylum right now."

315. "infinitely better" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 32: "I have not written to you for some time because I supposed that you would have been informed about the situation by your brother himself. He is infinitely better, as you have been able to see from his letters; it has sometimes seemed as if not a trace of the trouble, which so much affected him, has remained." 316. "as if not a trace" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 32. (See Ch. 38, n. 1151.) 317. on their way to sign the lease Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 32: "It had been decided that he would leave the hospital when he had found a suitable apartment. I have been looking about for him and together with him and he was about to clinch the matter with the landlord when he suddenly confessed to me that for the time being he lacked the courage to stand on his own feet and that it would be infinitely wiser and very much better for him if he spent two or three months in a mental home." 318. "He suddenly confessed" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 32. (See Ch. 38, n. 1263.) 319. "Talking about it" BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "It would strain my mind a great deal to talk about it."

320. letters filled with reasons Here is a sampling that gives a sense of the urgency and abundance with which Vincent disguised his primary reason for committing himself: "It will, I hope, suffice to say that I feel decidedly incapable of starting to take a new studio again and living there alone, here in Arles or elsewhere -- it comes down to the same thing -- for the moment -- I've nevertheless tried to make up my mind to begin again -- for the moment not possible" (JLB 760, 4/21/1889). "Beginning again this painter's life I've led up to now, isolated in the studio sometimes, and without any other source of entertainment than to go to a café or a restaurant with all the criticism of the neighbours &c., I can't do it" (ibid.). "I think it will be for the best like this, and I don't see any other way. Thought is coming back gradually, but I can still act much much less practically than before." (JLB 761, 4/24/1889.) "But I ask you to consider this closely, and to consider the course of action we're taking today as I've talked about it with Mr. Salles, to go into an asylum, as a simple formality" (ibid.). "[T]he repeated crises appear to me to have been serious enough not to hesitate" (ibid.). "We must decide anyway, for they can't keep me here indefinitely" (JLB 767, 5/2/1889). "So, although no one has said anything to me up to now, I think it would be right to leave" (ibid.). 321. "I am absent-minded" BVG 586, 4/24/1889.

Context:
JLB 761, 4/24/1889: "I'm absent-minded, and for the moment wouldn't be able to control my life."

741 322. "I have been 'in a hole'" BVG 589, 5/2/1889.

Context:
JLB 767, 5/2/1889: "I'm 'in a hole' in life, and my mental state not only is but also has been -- distracted. So that whatever might be done for me I can't think of a way of balancing my life."

323. "I wish to remain shut up" BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "And for the time being I wish to remain confined, as much for my own tranquillity as for that of others."

324. "I am sorry to give trouble" BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
BVG 585, 4/21/1889: " I am sorry to give trouble to M. Salles, and Rey, and above all to you too, but what is one to do? My head isn't steady enough to begin again as before -- then the important thing is not to cause any more scenes in public, and naturally, being a little calmer now, I distinctly feel that I was mentally and physically in an unhealthy condition."
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: " I regret causing trouble to Mr. Salles, to Rey, especially also to you, but what can one do -- the mind isn't steady enough to begin again like before -- so it's a matter of no longer causing scenes in public, and naturally being a little calmer now, I feel completely that I was in an unhealthy state, mentally and physically."

325. "scenes in public" BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
BVG 585, 4/21/1889: "I am sorry to give trouble to M. Salles, and Rey, and above all to you too, but what is one to do? My head isn't steady enough to begin again as before -- then the important thing is not to cause any more scenes in public, and naturally, being a little calmer now, I distinctly feel that I was mentally and physically in an unhealthy condition."
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "I regret causing trouble to Mr. Salles, to Rey, especially also to you, but what can one do -- the mind isn't steady enough to begin again like before -- so it's a matter of no longer causing scenes in public, and naturally being a little calmer now, I feel completely that I was in an unhealthy state, mentally and physically."

326. "My brother" Hulsker, "Vincent's Stay in the Hospitals at Arles and St.-Rémy: Unpublished Letters from the Postman Joseph Roulin and the Reverand Salles to Theo van Gogh," p. 33: Again, Salles does not use punctuation completely, but his intent to capture Vincent's exact words is clear: "You would hardly believe how much your brother is preoccupied and worried by the thought that he is causing you inconvenience. 'My brother, he said to me, who has always done so much for me and now to cause him more trouble!'" 327. "repulsive" BVG T6, 5/2/1889. Theo reveals his true feelings offhandedly, and probably inadvertently, in an effort to assuage Vincent's concerns about commitment: "If you're not averse to going to St-Rémy for let's say a month, you would have been examined by specialist doctors and probably you would have been able to benefit from their advice" (JLB 766, 5/2/1889). This inference is supported by Theo's next letter, in which he similarly "reassures" his brother with a damning judgment veiled in a double negative: "You should know that from one point of view you aren't to be pitied, although it may appear otherwise" (JLB 766, 5/2/1889, emphasis added).

Context:
BVG T6, 5/2/1889: "If it is not repulsive to you to go to St. Rémy, say for only a month, you will be examined by medical specialists, and you will probably be able to profit by their advice."
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "If you're not averse to going to St-Rémy for let's say a month, you would have been examined by specialist doctors and probably you would have been able to benefit from their advice."

328. "convalescence" BVG T6, 5/2/1889. For more on Theo's continued insistence that Vincent's problems were of a medical nature (or related to his poor eating habits and self-neglect), see Ch. 38, n. 526 and n. 525.

Context:
BVG T6, 5/2/1889: "The fact is that you can do no painting at the moment; that you are in a state of convalescence, and this fact has given you the idea that you will never be able to paint again, and so you tell yourself that three months of being taken care of without being able to work cost money and don't bring any in. But you forget that, suppose they let you work when you are a soldier, you will be kept like a boy in a boarding school, and that, if you are already afraid of the supervision of an establishment like the one at St. Rémy, you will have a great deal more to fear from the practices of military life."
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "It's that not being able to do any painting at the moment, being in convalescence, gives you the idea of no longer being able to do it at all, then you tell yourself that three months' care without being able to work cost money and don't bring any in, but you're forgetting that, supposing they let you work when you're a soldier, you're held there like a kid in a boarding school, and if you already fear the supervision of a house like the one at St-Rémy you have much more to fear from the practices of military life."

329. he began planning a family Theo and Jo's first (and only) child, Vincent Willem van Gogh (named after his paternal grandfather), was born January 31, 1890, nine months and twelve days after their wedding on April 18, 1889. 330. the reluctant invitation to Paris BVG T5, 4/24/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1188.) Vincent responds to Theo's desultory invitation with this desultory refusal: "What use would the more artificial life of an artist in Paris be to me -- one by which, all in all, I would only be half duped and for which I consequently lack primitive enthusiasm, indispensable for launching myself into it" (JLB 768, 5/3/1889).

Context:
JLB 762, 4/24/1889: "So be well aware of what you're doing, and if perhaps you wouldn't make another try first. Either by coming back here for a while, or by going to Pont-Aven during the summer, or by trying to board with people who would take care of you."

331. to rejoin Gauguin in Pont-Aven BVG T5, 4/24/1889. Theo does not mention Gauguin by name, but the inevitability of a reunion of the two could not have escaped him: "Either by coming back here for a while, or by going to Pont-Aven during the summer, or by trying to board with people who would take care of you" (JLB 762, 4/24/1889). About a month after this letter was written, Gauguin did, in fact, move to Pont-Aven. Since Theo and Gauguin remained in close contact throughout the latter's five months in Paris, it is difficult to imagine that Gauguin's intentions were unknown to Theo as of late April. The suggestion is so implausible that Vincent dismisses it with a combination of feigned disinterest and prevarication: "To come to Paris or to go to Pont-Aven I don't feel up to it, besides I have no keen desire or keen regret most of the time" (JLB 763, 4/28/1889).

Context:
JLB 762, 4/24/1889: "So be well aware of what you're doing, and if perhaps you wouldn't make another try first. Either by coming back here for a while, or by going to Pont-Aven during the summer, or by trying to board with people who would take care of you."

332. At Salles's recommendation Salles, "On the Petition and Investigation Report," in Stein, ed., p. 136: In the same letter in which he informed Theo of Vincent's decision to enter an asylum, Salles included a brochure from Saint-Rémy, having already done the research Vincent requested of him: "[Vincent] has, therefore, requested me to obtain the necessary particulars, in order that he may be admitted somewhere and also to write to you in this sense. Considering his decision, taken after mature deliberation, I thought that, before turning to you, I would obtain some information regarding a private Institution near Arles, at St. Rémy, where it appears that the inmates are very well treated. I send you the reply which I have received and the prospectus that came with it." 333. a small church-affiliated asylum "Brochure for the Asylum," in Stein, ed., p. 147: According to a contemporary brochure, undoubtedly much like the ones Vincent and Theo saw, the institution had been "[o]ccupied in turn by Augustinian monks, erected in provostship, secularized, and, in the end, inhabited by observant Franciscan priests." By the time Vincent was admitted there, the asylum employed doctors, not priests, to manage patient care "following the progress of science," but retained its religious character and some staff (ibid.). See Chapter 39. 334. small, private, and expensive Druick and Zegers, p. 273: According to Druick and Zegers, the asylum at Saint-Rémy housed only forty-five patients. Regarding the cost, Vincent guiltily informs Theo: "Be well aware that we must take absolutely the simplest board and lodging. 80 francs must and can suffice, says Mr. Salles. Rey warns me that at St-Rémy it wouldn't go amiss to consider that many people are committed who are more or less well off, some of whom spend a lot of money. Which is often more harmful than useful to them. I can well believe that." (JLB 761, 4/24/1889.) This information, of course, cut both ways. While it raised Theo's objections to the added expenditure, it probably also calmed his concerns about the conspicuousness of Vincent's confinement in a public institution and, of course, appealed to his bourgeois conviction, inherited from his mother, that Vincent might benefit from associating with a better class of people than he would likely find in a public asylum. 335. further investigate conditions BVG T6, 5/2/1889.

Context:
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "Now if you prefer, we could obtain information about the institution at Aix or Marseille to see if other conditions are laid down there."

336. wait for more information BVG T6, 5/2/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1192.)

Context:
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "Now if you prefer, we could obtain information about the institution at Aix or Marseille to see if other conditions are laid down there."

337. from three months to one BVG T6, 5/2/1889.

Context:
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "It's that not being able to do any painting at the moment, being in convalescence, gives you the idea of no longer being able to do it at all, then you tell yourself that three months' care without being able to work cost money and don't bring any in, ... If you're not averse to going to St-Rémy for let's say a month, you would have been examined by specialist doctors and probably you would have been able to benefit from their advice."

338. reconsideration and further delay BVG T5, 4/24/1889: Even though Theo promptly sent to Vincent the third-party letter required by the asylum at Saint-Rémy, it came accompanied with this note which allowed, even suggested, that Vincent delay deploying it, and explicitly left open the possibility that he might choose not to use it at all.

Context:
JLB 762, 4/24/1889: "Mr. Salles has sent me some prospectuses of St-Rémy in which it's said that a third party must request admission. I therefore enclose the letter for the director of the establishment, which you can use however you wish. As soon as you've decided to leave I'll send you the necessary money."

339. "We thoroughly understand" BVG T5, 4/24/1889: Theo's first letter to Vincent after Vincent's announcement of his decision to enter the asylum speaks with two voices. In the first part of the letter, Theo goes to extraordinary, even byzantine lengths to maneuver around Vincent's sensitivities. He probes whether going to the asylum is really what Vincent wants to do and tests to ensure that Vincent is making the right decision for the right reasons; that he does not feel trapped or cornered in any way. (Whether the source of these reservations is concern for Vincent or resistance to the decision is a separate issue [see text].)

By contrast, the second half of the letter rides roughshod over Vincent's feelings with detailed, and undoubtedly excruciating, reports on the family celebration and personal joy of the wedding ceremony and the marriage, both of which Vincent, of course, has missed: "Now I also want to tell you that we've been here since last Saturday, we're almost settled in, and every day the apartment takes on a more lived-in aspect, thanks to all sorts of inventions on Jo's part. We get along very well together, so that there's such complete satisfaction on both sides that we feel happier than I can tell you. We left Mother and the sisters in perfect health. Ma seems to be getting younger. She has now gone back to Breda after an absence of almost a month. My marriage pleased her very much, above all because Jo and herself and Wil get on perfectly, moreover she has something so sincere in her ways that there are many people on whom she makes a very agreeable impression. Although there are many things of life about which she does not know and on which her opinion must be formed, she has such a fund of good will and ardour to do good that I'm no longer afraid of the disillusionments I feared before our marriage. Up to now everything is going much better than I had thought, and I hadn't dared hope for so much happiness." (JLB 762, 4/24/1889.)

Context:
BVG T5, 4/24/1889: " We thoroughly understand each other, so we feel such a complete mutual satisfaction that we feel happier than I should say."
JLB 762, 4/24/1889: " We get along very well together, so that there's such complete satisfaction on both sides that we feel happier than I can tell you."

742 340. "All goes better" BVG T5, 4/24/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1201.)

Context:
JLB 762, 4/24/1889: "Up to now everything is going much better than I had thought, and I hadn't dared hope for so much happiness."

341. Theo's resistance and insensitivity There are other examples in addition to those cited in the text. As early as early February, Theo was keeping Vincent apprised of his plan to leave the rue Lepic apartment and find a new apartment for his new family -- a subject that must have been painful to Vincent. That pain is evident in this reply to Theo's eagerness to start a new life with a new home: "Now as regards your move from rue Lepic to rue Rodier I can't have an opinion, not having seen it, but the main thing is precisely that you also lunch at home with your wife" (JLB 745, 2/3/1889). In a letter from mid-March, Theo, apparently attempting to be sympathetic, drew a stark line under the contrast between Vincent's misery and his own immediate prospects for happiness: "[I]t breaks my heart to know that now that I'll probably have days of happiness with my dear Jo, you will actually have very bad days. She had the illusion that, since she wants to live my life as much as possible, you would have been a brother for her as you have always been for me. We hope from the bottom of our hearts that you can return to good health and that you can soon take up your work again." (JLB 749, 3/16/1889.) Theo's new use of the "we" that Vincent prized so much for so long, had to be hurtful. (After the wedding, Theo's letters became a galling muddle of pronouns: "My dear Vincent, I was very touched by your letter, which we received yesterday" [JLB 762, 4/24/1889]; "Many thanks for your letter, which shows us that at least your physical powers leave nothing to be desired" [JLB 766, 5/2/1889].)

Also in March, Theo included a lengthy description of hanging Vincent's paintings in the new apartment at 8, Cité Pigalle. Although his intention was obviously to make Vincent feel a part of the process, the effect had to be just the opposite: "In arranging my new apartment I see your paintings again with so much pleasure. They make the rooms so jolly, and there's such a note of truth, of real countryside in each one." (JLB 749, 3/16/1889.) This insensitivity to the potential effects of his reports on Vincent reaches new lows in May, as the newlyweds settle into their new lives: "Best wishes from my wife, who is well. She's becoming really accustomed to the house." (JLB 766, 5/2/1889.) In the same blithe spirit, Jo joins in with this particularly intimate image of marital bliss: "The bedroom, in particular, is so sweet, very light and lots of pink in it -- and in bed in the morning I look straight at that beautiful flowering peach tree of yours, which looks at me in such a friendly way every morning" (JLB 771, 5/8/1889). Neither Theo nor Jo inflicted injuries intentionally, of course. But they both, apparently, immensely underestimated their power to inflict hurt.

342. extreme threats of withdrawal Mauron, pp. 73-74: Like Mauron, we see Vincent's decision to go to an asylum, like his departure from Paris (see Ch. 29, n. 755), and like his threat to enlist in the Foreign Legion, as forms of "withdrawal" both responding to and preempting Theo's threats of abandonment. The clearest confession of this unmistakable pattern in Vincent's behavior comes in a letter from the Borinage in 1879, Vincent's first dramatic, self-extinguishing "withdrawal": "If I must seriously feel that I'm annoying or burdensome to you or those at home, useful for neither one thing nor another, and were to go on being forced to feel like an intruder or a fifth wheel in your presence, so that it would be better I weren't there, and if I should have to continue trying to keep further and further out of other people's way -- if I think that indeed it would be so and cannot be otherwise, then I'm overcome by a feeling of sorrow and I must struggle against despair" (JLB 154, 8/11/1879-8/14/1879).

In the Arles repeat of this pattern, Mauron draws the line between the withdrawal to the asylum at Saint-Rémy and Theo's marriage (and threats of suicide): "In fact, Vincent takes the decision [to go to Saint-Rémy] himself immediately after his brother's marriage. ... From this grouping of letters and attitudes in the spring of 1889, it may be deduced, in my sense, that Theo's marriage posed questions of life and death to Vincent's unconscious. There was an objective problem: how to help a sick man to live a normal life and care for him. That, however, is the point of view of the intern Rey, Pastor Salles and of Theo himself. Vincent has another: 'you're getting married and I am withdrawing.' He insists on linking the two issues, leaving Theo free to decide just how close this regression is likely to get to death. Such was, it appears, the subjective but psychologically determining truth. Vincent will himself later confirm the extent to which the retirement decided upon in Arles was, in spite of everything, assimilated to suicide by the unconscious when, in letter 605 written in September 1889, he on the contrary identifies his wish to leave the asylum in the hope of curing what he calls his cowardice in the face of the cold water of suicide. The affective logic comes down to this: 'you get married -- I die.' (Mauron, pp. 73-74.)

343. "I could get out of this" BVG 588, 4/30/1889: This is actually Vincent's second mention of joining the Foreign Legion. The first comes in the previous letter a few days earlier: "I myself wouldn't be unhappy or discontented if in a little while from now I could enlist in the Foreign Legion for 5 years (one can be up to 40, I believe)" (JLB 763, 4/28/1889). From the beginning, Vincent uses this proposal to underscore his physical health ("My health from the physical point of view is better than before, and it would perhaps do me more good to do military service than all the rest" [ibid.; also see JLB 768, 5/3/1889]), and "apologize" for the cost of treatment in an asylum. In its extremity -- with its implied threat of disappearing -- it is exactly like the proposal Vincent entertained in Drenthe in October 1883 after Theo reported that he was considering a move to America: "But at times -- like those moments when you think about going to America -- I think about going to the East as a volunteer" (JLB 392, 10/3/1883). At that time, Vincent indicated to Theo that he had done some investigation on the subject by conspicuously mentioning the name of the port, Harderwijk, where volunteers in the East Indian Army enlisted (Ch. 20, n. 349): "Now, old chap, if you think no more about America, and I no more about Harderwijk, then I hope things will work themselves out" (ibid.).

In late April and early May 1889, Vincent presents the Foreign Legion "option" in exactly the same way and, in our opinion, for exactly the same reasons. His letters to Theo make clear that he has put a great deal of thought into the difficulties he might face if he tried to enlist, especially the possibility that he would be barred from enlisting because of his recent self-mutilation and hospitalization. "I would like to enlist; what I fear here is -- my accident being known here in town -- that I will be turned down -- but what I dread, or rather what makes me timid, is the possibility, the probability here of a rejection. ... Now if here I certainly run a strong risk of being rejected because they know that I'm a madman or an epileptic, probably for good." (JLB 767, 5/2/1889.) He concocts multiple schemes for getting around this hurdle. He imagines going to Paris, where his "accident" is not known, and, most bizarrely, recruiting prominent military artists like Édouard Détaille and Caran d'Ache to facilitate his enlistment (ibid.). He cites figures that ninety percent of the "epileptics" in France are not confined in hospitals, implying, apparently, that some of these must already be in the military (JLB 767, 5/2/1889). Most strangely, he does not give up the possibility of enlisting even after Theo has given his final agreement to the plan for Saint-Rémy. ("Your kind letter did me good today, my word -- let's go for St-Rémy then" [JLB 768, 5/3/1889].) This supports our inference that the real reason for the extreme threat is not to persuade Theo that Saint-Rémy is the best solution, but to protest Theo's marriage -- just as the earlier 1883 threat to enlist in the East Indian Army was a protest against Theo's plan to go to America. Both reflect Vincent's fear of abandonment, and a threat to remove himself preemptively rather than wait for Theo to leave him.

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "If I could get out of it by enlisting for 5 years in the Foreign Legion, I think I'd prefer that."

344. higher than expected fees In his initial report about the asylum to Theo, Vincent first says the fee will be 80 francs, then, in the same letter, nudges that figure downward: "It would seem to me that with a boarding cost of around seventy-five francs a month there must be a way of confining me such that I have all I need" (JLB 760, 4/21/1889). "I warn you that by paying more I'd be less happy," Vincent adds, indicating his sensitivity on the matter (ibid.). In the next letter, he nudges the figure back up: "Be well aware that we must take absolutely the simplest board and lodging. 80 francs must and can suffice." (JLB 761, 4/24/1889.) But he hedges against the possibility that the actual figure might be higher still with this subtle appeal to Theo's haute-bourgeois aspirations: "Rey warns me that at St-Rémy it wouldn't go amiss to consider that many people are committed who are more or less well off, some of whom spend a lot of money" (ibid.). A week later, he announces a troubling new cost estimate: "Mr. Salles has been to St-Rémy -- they don't want to ... take me for less than 100 francs" (JLB 765, 4/30/1889). That this increase is devastating to Vincent is clear from the incredible care he takes in preparing Theo for it. The same letter begins with his forlorn plea, "Now, though, I assure you that I know no hospital where one would want to take me for nothing, even supposing that I would take upon myself the expenses of my painting and would leave all my work to the hospital," and describes the ominous clipping from newspaper about the suicide of an artist in Marseille (see Ch. 38, n. 1222) and the appeal to "your friendship" as the only bulwark against a similar fate for Vincent (JLB 765, 4/30/1889; see Ch. 38, n. 1223).

Only after these preliminaries does Vincent reveal the bad news about the higher fee. And immediately after doing so, he unveils his startling (and coercive) threat to join the Foreign Legion: "If I could get out of it by enlisting for 5 years in the Foreign Legion, I think I'd prefer that" rather the alternative which he defines abjectly as "made to pay 100 francs a month all through a madman's long life" (ibid.; see Ch. 38, n. 1256). For a few days, it seems that the additional 20-25 francs per month might derail the plan for Saint-Rémy. In early May, Vincent argues elaborately that staying at the hospital in Arles, while less expensive than the asylum at Saint-Rémy, is not a viable long-term option ("they can't keep me here indefinitely") and that the asylum is, in fact, cheaper in the long term than setting him up in a house again (JLB 767, 5/2/1889). He pleads with Theo: "As regards material things, let's not become too discouraged but let's try at least to be sensible about them" (ibid.). These tortured arguments testify to the deep well of guilt Vincent harbors. There is nothing in Theo's surviving letters to his brother that suggests he resisted the increased fee at Saint-Rémy. Indeed, his first recorded reaction on the subject (which comes after Vincent's threat to join the Foreign Legion) sounds a clarion note of generosity: "The last year hasn't been bad for me from the point of view of money, and you can therefore, without scruples and without harming me, count on what I was sending you before" (JLB 766, 5/2/1889).

However, by this time, Theo had already written to the director at Saint-Rémy, Dr. Théophile Peyron, and argued for a lower fee, probably on the basis of his belief that Vincent did not need treatment, only supervision (see Ch. 38, n. 1227). Peyron wrote back on April 29: "I must tell you that in these conditions, the price of the room and board remains fixed at 100f per month, and that it will be impossible to make a reduction" (b1059 V/1962, "Peyron, Th." to "Gogh, Theo van", 4/29/1889). Peyron dismisses Theo's argument for a reduction, emphasizing that treatment at the asylum is not

345. might not be allowed to paint BVG 588, 4/30/1889.

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "Mr. Salles has been to St-Rémy -- they don't want to allow me painting outside the establishment, nor to take me for less than 100 francs."

346. "supervision" BVG 588, 4/30/1889.¬

Context:
BVG 588, 4/30/1889: "Supposing I am only allowed to work under supervision! And in the institution -- my God, is it worth paying money for that? In that case I could certainly work just as well, even better, in the barracks."
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "If I can't work there except under supervision! and in the establishment -- is it by God worth paying money for that! Certainly in the barracks I could then work as well and even better." (Emphasis in original)

347. work in the Legion barracks BVG 588, 4/30/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1257.)

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "Certainly in the barracks I could then work as well and even better."

348. There he could find the order BVG 589, 5/2/1889. We believe there is a chance that Vincent's painting of the "dormitory" of the Arles Hospital (Ward in the Hospital in Arles [F 646 JH 1686]), painted at the end of April (JLB 764, 4/28/1889-5/2/1889), may be partly intended as an argument to bolster this notion that he would flourish in the similarly regimented environment of a military barracks. (See Ch. 38, n. 1257 and n. 1270.)

Context:
JLB 767, 5/2/1889: " Where I must follow a rule, like here at the hospital, I feel more tranquil" (emphasis in original).

349. "might recover" BVG 590, 5/3/1889. We have altered the translation slightly.

Context:
BVG 590, 5/3/1889: "If I could enlist for five years, I should recover considerably and be more rational and more master of myself."
JLB 768, 5/3/1889: "If I could enlist for 5 years I would recover considerably and would be more rational and more the master of myself."

350. "The money painting costs" BVG 589, 5/2/1889.

Context:
JLB 767, 5/2/1889: "But the money that painting costs, that crushes me under a feeling of debt and of cowardice, and it would be good for that to stop if possible."

351. jolted Theo to attention BVG T6, 5/2/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1215.) The fierceness of Theo's response is indication of the alarm bells that Vincent's guilty outburst set off.

Context:
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "Now there's something in your letter of which I disapprove entirely and which I'm going to tell you, afterwards you can do what you want. It is your plans for the Foreign Legion. That's a last resort, isn't it? for I don't think that you have spontaneously acquired a taste for this profession."

352. "It is meant as an act" BVG T6, 5/2/1889. Theo is expansively indignant -- even unsympathetically so -- at Vincent's threat to join the Foreign Legion: "Now there's something in your letter of which I disapprove entirely and which I'm going to tell you, afterwards you can do what you want. It is your plans for the Foreign Legion. That's a last resort, isn't it? for I don't think that you have spontaneously acquired a taste for this profession." (JLB 766, 5/2/1889.) Getting past this facetiousness, Theo argues against the proposal on logical grounds ("you're forgetting that, supposing they let you work when you're a soldier, you're held there like a kid in a boarding school, and if you already fear the supervision of a house like the one at St-Rémy you have much more to fear from the practices of military life") and his analysis of why Vincent has made his preposterous proposal is spot on: "It's that not being able to do any painting at the moment, being in convalescence, gives you the idea of no longer being able to do it at all, then you tell yourself that three months' care without being able to work cost money and don't bring any in, ... All in all, this idea comes from an excessive fear of causing me expenses and problems, and you get yourself worked up needlessly." (ibid.) In addition to his objection that the Foreign Legion was wrong for Vincent, Theo was no doubt also expressing objections based on class status and family reputation: objections captured memorably by George Eliot in Silas Marner: "he could imagine no future for himself on the other side of confession but that of 'listing for a soldier' -- the most desperate step, short of suicide, in the eyes of respectable families" (Eliot, p. 28).

Context:
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "That's a last resort, isn't it?"

353. a newspaper article BVG 588, 4/30/1889. Later in the letter, he explains that the article is about a "Marseille artist who committed suicide" (JLB 765, 4/30/1889).

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "You'll perhaps read with some interest the article I'm cutting out of a Marseille newspaper, because in it one glimpses Monticelli, and I find the description of the painting of a corner of the cemetery extremely interesting. But alas, it's another still-lamentable story."

354. an unknown Marseille artist BVG 588, 4/30/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1222.)

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "You can be reasonably sure that the Marseille artist who committed suicide did not at all commit suicide from drinking absinthe, for the simple reason that nobody will have offered him any and that he wouldn't have had the means to buy any."

355. "One catches a glimpse" BVG 588, 4/30/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1222.) Later in the same letter, Vincent extends the Monticelli parallel, citing the rumors that Monticelli had died drunk on absinthe, slumped over a café table: "You can be reasonably sure that the Marseille artist who committed suicide did not at all commit suicide from drinking absinthe, for the simple reason that nobody will have offered him any and that he wouldn't have had the means to buy any. Besides, it won't have been solely for his pleasure that he drank, but because being ill already he kept himself going that way." (JLB 765, 4/30/1889.) To fully appreciate the threat implied, it is important to note that Vincent had only recently admitted to Theo that Dr. Rey "says that instead of eating enough and regularly I have been particularly sustaining myself with coffee and alcohol" (JLB 752, 3/24/1889, emphasis added).

Context:
BVG 588, 4/30/1889: "You may perhaps be interested in reading this article I cut out of a Marseilles paper because one catches a glimpse of Monticelli in it, and I find the description of the painting representing a corner of the churchyard very interesting."
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "You'll perhaps read with some interest the article I'm cutting out of a Marseille newspaper, because in it one glimpses Monticelli, and I find the description of the painting of a corner of the cemetery extremely interesting."

356. "Alas, it's yet another" BVG 588, 4/30/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1222.)

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "But alas, it's another still-lamentable story."

357. "For it was precisely" BVG 588, 4/30/1889. Elsewhere in the same letter, Vincent says the same thing in a different way: "How sad it is to think that a painter who succeeds, even half succeeds, in his turn pulls along half a dozen artists who are even greater failures than himself" (JLB 765, 4/30/1889).

Context:
BVG 588, 4/30/1889: " For it was not to me, it was precisely to painters such as the poor wretch about whom the enclosed article speaks that the studio could have been of use."
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: " For it wasn't for me, it was for the very painters like the unfortunate one spoken of in the enclosed article that this studio could have been of use."

358. "deep remorse" BVG 588, 4/30/1889.

Context:
BVG 588, 4/30/1889: "I was fighting a losing battle, or rather it was weakness of character on my part, for I am left with feelings of deep remorse about it, difficult to describe."
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "It was fighting against insurmountable odds, or rather it was weakness of character on my part, for I still have feelings of grave remorse difficult to define."

359. more expenses BVG 588, 4/30/1889. This is Vincent's positive argument for why Theo should pay the extra money for the asylum at Saint-Rémy. The negative argument follows immediately on: "If I was without your friendship I would be sent back without remorse to suicide, and however cowardly I am, I would end up going there" (JLB 765, 4/30/1889). (See Ch. 38, n. 1259.)

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "Now, though, I assure you that I know no hospital where one would want to take me for nothing, even supposing that I would take upon myself the expenses of my painting and would leave all my work to the hospital."

360. "If I were without" BVG 588, 4/30/1889.

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "If I was without your friendship I would be sent back without remorse to suicide, and however cowardly I am, I would end up going there."

361. the required admission letter Tralbaut, p. 275. (See Ch. 38, n. 1197.) 362. "third class" Theo, quoted in Tralbaut, p. 275: This comes from the letter Theo wrote as required by the admissions process for the Saint-Rémy asylum. Tralbaut reprints it in full: "With the consent of the person concerned, who is my brother, I would like to ask you to admit to your establishment Vincent Willem van Gogh, artist, aged 36 years, born at Groot-Zundert (Netherlands), at present living at Arles. I beg you to admit him as one of your third-class inmates. As his confinement is required more to prevent a recurrence of previous attacks than because his mental condition is at present affected, I hope that you will find no inconvenience in granting him the liberty to paint outside the establishment when he wishes to do so. Moreover, without insisting on the treatment that he needs, for I presume he will be treated with the same care as all your other inmates, I would ask you to be so kind as to let him have at least half a litre of wine with his meals. I remain, sir, yours sincerely, Theo van Gogh, 8 Cite Pigalle, Paris." (ibid.) Theo enclosed the letter in a letter to Vincent with this note: "Mr. Salles has sent me some prospectuses of St-Rémy in which it's said that a third party must request admission. I therefore enclose the letter for the director of the establishment, which you can use however you wish. As soon as you've decided to leave I'll send you the necessary money." (JLB 762, 4/24/1889.) According to Rewald's research, "The price for a first class patient was 200 francs a month, for a second class 150, for a third class 100 francs" (Rewald, p. 256; n. 24). 363. required more to prevent Tralbaut, p. 275. (See Ch. 38, n. 1197.) 364. "From one point of view" BVG T6, 5/2/1889.

Context:
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "You should know that from one point of view you aren't to be pitied, although it may appear otherwise."

365. "Be of good heart" BVG T6, 5/2/1889.

Context:
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "Continue to be of good heart, your disasters will surely come to an end."

366. the nearby river had flooded BVG 588, 4/30/1889.

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "The water from a flood rose up to a few feet from the house and, more importantly, when I came back water and saltpetre were oozing from the walls because the house had been without a fire during my absence."

743 367. salt oozed from the walls BVG 588, 4/30/1889. (See Ch. 38, n. 1237.)

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "The water from a flood rose up to a few feet from the house and, more importantly, when I came back water and saltpetre were oozing from the walls because the house had been without a fire during my absence."

368. mold spread luxuriantly BVG T6, 5/2/1889: Theo consoled Vincent after hearing the report of the damage to the studio during his confinement.

Context:
JLB 766, 5/2/1889: "However, do not believe that I don't feel all the disillusionment when you went back into your studio, for example, after the damp made it go mouldy."

369. paintings were ruined BVG 588, 4/30/1889: Vincent reports on the fate of one painting. Theo confirms the extent of the damage in this sympathetic response: "do not believe that I don't feel all the disillusionment when you went back into your studio, for example, after the damp made it go mouldy" (JLB 766, 5/2/1889).

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "This study, as well as a few others, was spoiled by damp during my illness."

 370. "That was a blow" BVG 588, 4/30/1889.

Context:
BVG 588, 4/30/1889: " That was a blow to me, since not only the studio had come to grief, but even the studies that would have been reminders of it. It is all so final, and my urge to found something very simple but lasting was so strong."
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: " That had an effect on me, not only the studio having foundered, but even the studies which would have been the memories of it damaged, it's so final, and my urge to found something very simple but durable was so strong."

371. The furniture BVG 589, 5/2/1889. This task, apparently, had been accomplished by mid-April, as Salles informed Theo: "For the time being the furniture has been stored with a neighbor, to whom your brother has paid three months rent; 18 f. in all" (b1049 V/1962, ''Salles, Frédéric'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/18/1889).

Context:
JLB 767, 5/2/1889: "I could perhaps go again to lodge at the night café where I've stored my furniture."

372. The paintings took weeks Vincent had the furniture moved by April 19 (see Ch. 38, n. 1239), but by April 24 still only had the first of two crates packed (JLB 761, 4/24/1889). On April 30, he is still working on the second crate: "Today I'm packing up a crate of paintings and studies" (JLB 765, 4/30/1889). Both cases were sent on May 2 (JLB 767, 5/2/1889). 373. the beloved Berceuse

BVG T9, 5/21/1889: The paintings listed in the text are mostly those that Theo mentions receiving in good condition. Vincent apparently never gave a complete inventory of the two consignments he sent, only a list of the paintings he considered "worthy of being put on stretching frames" (JLB 765, 4/30/1889). This list includes The Night Café (F 463 JH 1575), The Alyscamps (as mentioned previously, four paintings can be linked to this title: [F 568 JH 1622], [F 569 JH 1623], [F 487, JH 1621], and [F 486 JH 1620]), The Green Vineyard (F 475 JH 1595), The Red Vineyard (F 495 JH 1626), Garden with Large Conifer Bush and Oleanders [this painting has been lost and details on it are unknown], The Bedroom (F 482, JH 1608), The Sower, The Sunflowers (according to JLB, this could be either [F 455 JH 1668] or [F 485 JH 1667] [ibid., n. 32]), The Portrait of Boch (F 482 JH 1574), and some images from the "Poet's Garden" series. He sends an almost identical list in the next letter (JLB 767, 5/2/1889). Neither list includes the sunflowers, the Berceuses, the starry night, the chair, or the portrait of Roulin that Theo mentions. Vincent's list also included Laval's (Charles Laval, 1862-1894; French artist) self-portrait, Gauguin's self-portrait, and Gauguin's portrait of Bernard (ibid.). In his last letter from Arles, Vincent obliquely refers to having also included in his consignments the portraits of Madame Marie Ginoux and Madame Roulin: "You'll clearly see that the two women's expressions are different from the expressions one sees in Paris" (JLB 768, 5/3/1889).

Context:
JLB 774, 5/21/1889: "A few days ago I received your consignment, which is very important, there are some superb things in it. Everything arrived in good order and undamaged. The Berceuse [according to JLB, this probably included all four versions of La Berceuse, (F 504 JH 1655), (F 506 JH 1670), (F 507 JH 1672), and (F 508 JH 1671) (ibid.; n. 2)], the portrait of Roulin (F 433 JH 1524), the little sower, with the tree [either Sower with Setting Sun (F 450 JH 1627) or Sower with Setting Sun (F 451 JH 1629) (ibid.)], the baby [Marcelle Roulin (F 441 JH 1641)], the starry night [Starry Night over the Rhône (F 474 JH 1592)], the sunflowers [Sunflowers in a Vase (F 458 JH 1561) and Sunflowers in a Vase (F 458 JH 1667)] and the chair with the pipe and the tobacco [Van Gogh's Chair (F 498 JH 1635)] are the ones I like best up to now."

374. interleaved them with newspaper BVG 588, 4/30/1889: He apparently did not put newspaper between every painting that he rolled.

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "Today I'm packing up a crate of paintings and studies. There's one which is flaking, onto which I've stuck newspapers -- it's one of the best and I think that when you look at it you'll see more clearly what my studio, now foundered, could have been."

375. packed them, crated them BVG T6, 5/2/1889.

Context:
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "Today I'm packing up a crate of paintings and studies. There's one which is flaking, onto which I've stuck newspapers -- it's one of the best and I think that when you look at it you'll see more clearly what my studio, now foundered, could have been."

376. "There are lots of daubs" BVG 589, 5/2/1889. Vincent was quite emphatic in this instruction, as he had already given it once in a letter only a few days earlier: "I'll send 2 crates of paintings by goods train shortly. You mustn't feel awkward about destroying a good number of them." (JLB 763, 4/28/1889).

Context:
BVG 589, 5/2/1889: " There are lots of daubs among them, which you will have to destroy, but I have sent them, such as they are, so that you will be able to keep what seems passable to you."
JLB 767, 5/2/1889: " There's a heap of daubs in there which will have to be destroyed, but I've sent them as they are so that you can keep what appears passable to you."

377. He spent only a few nights "Register of Voluntary Commitments," in Stein, ed., pp. 151-152: This comes from the admissions register of the asylum in Saint-Rémy in a note recorded by the asylum's medical director, Dr. Théophile Peyron: "[Vincent] wanted to resume his usual life upon leaving the Arles hospital, but he was obliged to return after two days because he experienced distressing sensations and nightmares again during the night. It is from that hospital that he comes directly to the sanatorium, at his request." Vincent's letters indicate that he was given until the end of April to move out of the Yellow House, even though he earlier was informed the deadline was Easter (April 21) (see Ch. 38, n. 1054). That would put his "two days" in the rooms in Rey's mother's house (see Ch. 38, n. 1081) probably at the beginning of May. He left Arles on May 8. 378. before loneliness Vincent's final letters from Arles, after Theo's marriage, are suffused with both loneliness and despair at ever making another human connection to replace Theo: "Beginning again this painter's life I've led up to now, isolated in the studio sometimes, and without any other source of entertainment than to go to a café or a restaurant with all the criticism of the neighbours &c., I can't do it. Going to live with another person, even another artist -- difficult -- very difficult -- one takes too great a responsibility upon oneself. I dare not even think of it." (JLB 760, 4/21/1889.) On the other hand, he admits, "beginning to live alone again absolutely horrifies me" (JLB 767, 5/2/1889). Despite the various temptations, he considers going back to the night café rather than be alone in his new apartment, but ultimately decides this would put him too close to the Yellow House and the past: "I could perhaps go again to lodge at the night café where I've stored my furniture, but ... then I'm in daily contact with my very neighbours from a while ago, for it's beside the house where I had my studio" (ibid.). At the hospital, he finds at least distraction: "The company of the other sick people, you understand, isn't at all disagreeable to me, on the contrary it distracts me" (JLB 760, 4/21/1889). 379. nightmares drove him back "Register of Voluntary Commitments," in Stein, ed., pp. 151-152. (See Ch. 38, n. 1284.) 380. "Certainly these last days" BVG 585, 4/21/1889.

Context:
JLB 760, 4/21/1889: "So there you have it, these days have been sad, moving house, transporting all my furniture, packing up the canvases which I'll send you, but above all it seemed sad to me that all that had been given to me by you with so much brotherly affection, and that for so many years, it was however you alone who supported me, and then to be obliged to come back to tell you all this sad story ..."

381. "a graveyard" BVG 588, 4/30/1889. Vincent says this indirectly with a reference to the Bruyas (Alfred Bruyas, 1821-1877; French art collector) gallery in the Montpellier museum (he often saw parallels, both physiognomic and biographical, between himself and the Midi collector).

Context:
BVG 588, 4/30/1889: "In fact, we had several predecessors. Bruyas at Montpellier gave a whole fortune to that, a whole life, and without the slightest apparent result. Yes -- a chilly room in the municipal gallery where you can see a troubled face and many fine pictures, where you certainly feel moved, but, alas, moved as in a graveyard."
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: "Anyway, there have been more than us before, Bruyas in Montpellier gave an entire fortune to it and an entire existence and without the least apparent result. Yes -- a cold room in a municipal museum where one sees a deeply saddened face and lots of fine paintings, where certainly one is moved, but alas moved as in a cemetery."

382. "Pictures fade like flowers" BVG 588, 4/30/1889.

Context:
BVG 588, 4/30/1889: " Pictures fade like flowers -- even some of Delacroix's have suffered in this way, the magnificent Daniel, Les odalisques (quite different from those in the Louvre, it was in a single range of purplish-blue), but how they impressed me, those pictures fading there, little understood, that's for sure, by most of the visitors who look at [Gustave] Courbet and [Alexandre] Cabanel and Victor Giraud, and so on."
JLB 765, 4/30/1889: The paintings fade like flowers -- thus even some Delacroixs had suffered, the magnificent Daniel, the Odalisques (quite different from those in the Louvre, it was in a single purplish range), but how that impressed me, those paintings that were fading there, little understood, it's true, by the majority of visitors who look at Courbet and Cabanel and Victor Giraud &c.

383. reclaimed his Millet peasants BVG 590, 5/3/1889: Jean-François Millet.

Context:
JLB 768, 5/3/1889: "And my goodness, Millet, who has hardly any colour, what work his is!"

384. "Dutch palette with its grey" BVG 590, 5/3/1889.

Context:
BVG 590, 5/3/1889: "I sometimes regret I did not simply stick to the Dutch palette with its grey tones, and brush away at landscapes of Montmartre without any fuss. I am also thinking again of beginning to draw more with a reed pen, which, like last year's views of Montmajour for instance, costs less and distracts my mind just as much."
JLB 768, 5/3/1889: "I sometimes regret not having simply kept the Dutch palette of grey tones, and brushed landscapes in Montmartre without pressing the point. Also, I'm thinking of beginning to draw more with the reed pen again which, like last year's views of Montmajour, is less expensive and distracts me just as much."

385. "do not become completely" BVG 590, 5/3/1889. Similarly, Vincent decries the factionalism of the Paris avant-garde art world ("So many distinctions in Impressionism do not have the importance one wanted to see in them") but also seems to attribute his own open-mindedness to his compromised mental state: "Madness is salutary for this, that one becomes perhaps less exclusive" (JLB 768, 5/3/1889; emphasis in original). Later in the same letter Vincent issues his sweeping re-affirmation of the privileged place of the past in the art -- at least his art -- of the future: "we'll always retain a certain passion for Impressionism, but I sense that I'm returning more and more to the ideas I already had before coming to Paris" (ibid.).

Context:
BVG 590, 5/3/1889: "Listen -- do not become completely and exclusively impressionist; after all, if there is good in anything, don't let's lose sight of it. Certainly color is progressing primarily under the influence of the impressionists, even when they go astray."
JLB 768, 5/3/1889: "Listen -- don't make yourself a completely exclusive Impressionist after all, if there's good in something let's not lose sight of it. Certainly colour is making progress, precisely by the Impressionists, even when they go astray." (Emphasis in original.)

386. He listed artists he loved BVG 590, 5/3/1889: It is an odd list, with a few surprises and dark horses. In addition to obvious favorites Monet, Delacroix, Millet, [Jules] Breton, [Jozef] Israëls, and "several sculptors [who] have otherwise done better than the Impressionists" (probably [Auguste] Rodin and [Constantin] Meunier), he also lists [James Abbott McNeill] Whistler and [Henri] Leys among the artists "we have loved in our time." Elsewhere in the same letter, he mentions "[Adolphe] Jourdan [who, Vincent noted "just died in Avignon"], [Jean Pierre Alexandre] Antigna [or possibly Antigna's wife, Marie Hélène, who was a student of Delacroix's], [François Nicolas Auguste] Feyen-Perrin ... [Charles] Daubigny and [Ernest] Quost and [Georges] Jeannin," and asks rhetorically, opening up the possibility of others unnamed who deserve recognition and remembrance: "why forget them or why attach no importance to their present-day equivalents?" (JLB 768, 5/3/1889).

Context:
JLB 768, 5/3/1889: "Anyway, my dear brother, let's be just, and I say to you as I retire, let's think, just when we're getting too old to class ourselves with the young ones, of what we have loved in our time, Millet, Breton, Israëls, Whistler, Delacroix, Leys" (emphasis in original).

387. "as a painter I shall never" BVG 590, 5/3/1889. Yet, only a few paragraphs later, an ember of hope appears among the ashes of the Yellow House: "I have a certain hope that with what I know of my art in total, a time will come when I'll produce again, although in the asylum" (JLB 768, 5/3/1889). And, eventually, even the grand ambition of the past peeks from the rubble: "Ah, to paint figures like Claude Monet paints landscapes. That's what remains to be done despite everything." (ibid.) Even Vincent hears the contradiction in his voice: "I really must make up my mind, it's only too true that an awful lot of painters go mad, it's a life which makes you very distracted, to say the least. If I throw myself fully into work again, that's good, but I still remain cracked." (ibid.) Vincent will take this new synthesis -- as close as he ever comes to true serenity -- to the asylum at Saint-Rémy and produce another series of masterpieces. But his last words from Arles are still conditional: "If I remain a painter" (ibid.; see Ch. 38, n. 1252).

Context:
BVG 590, 5/3/1889: "Now I as a painter shall never amount to anything important, I am absolutely sure of it."
JLB 768, 5/3/1889: "Now, myself as a painter, I'll never signify anything important, I sense it absolutely."

388. he considered giving up BVG 590, 5/3/1889.

Context:
JLB 768, 5/3/1889: "I hope that in the heap of canvases I've sent you there may be some which will end up giving you pleasure. If I remain a painter, then sooner or later I'll probably see Paris again, and I firmly promise myself that I'll thoroughly touch up several old canvases on that occasion." (Emphasis added.)

389. Both depicted roads See Ch. 38, n. 1078. 390. "splashed with light and shade" BVG 589, 5/2/1889: The painting is Red Chestnuts in the Public Park at Arles, F 517 JH 1689, April, 1889, oil on canvas, 28.5 x 36.2 in., 72.5 x 92 cm., Private collection.

Context:
BVG 589, 5/2/1889: "However, my health is very good and I am working a little. I am doing an avenue of pink flowering chestnuts and a little cherry tree in flower and a wisteria plant and a path in the park splashed with light and shade."
JLB 767, 5/2/1889: "However, my health is very good and I'm working a little. I have on the go an avenue of chestnut trees with pink flowers with a little cherry tree in flower and a wisteria plant and the path in the park flecked with sunlight and shade."