Notes

Context:
JLB 18, 2/9/1874: "Sometimes I start to believe that I'm gradually beginning to turn into a true cosmopolitan, meaning not a Dutchman, Englishman or Frenchman, but simply a man" (emphasis in original).

Context:
BVG 205, 6/3/1882: "The only person from whom I might have inherited in quite different circumstances, because I am named after him -- Uncle Vincent -- is someone whom I have been on decidedly bad terms with for years, for various reasons; and things cannot be redressed as though I were his protégé. Certainly I wouldn't wish it, and of course such a thing wouldn't occur to him, though I hope that if we meet by chance, like we did last year, we shall not have a public quarrel."
JLB 235, 6/3/1882: "The only person from whom, in very different circumstances, I might perhaps have inherited something because I share his name, Uncle Cent, is someone with whom I have been on bad terms for many years on account of numerous things, and in such a manner that by the nature of the matter it cannot be resolved as if I were his protégé, because I myself certainly wouldn't want that, and of course he hasn't the slightest thought of any such thing any more, although I hope that, just like last year, if I meet His Hon. we shall not make a public scene."

Context:
BVG 332, 10/12/1883: "Of course, just because one possesses a certain proper pride, one does not say, I am Mr. So-and-so, I am this or that."
JLB 394, 10/12/1883: "Of course, precisely because one has a certain respectability one doesn't say I'm so-and-so, I'm this or that."

Context:
JLB 212, 3/16/1882-3/20/1882: "The impression he made on me then was a strong one -- he was a practical man -- extremely clever and lively, energetic in small and large things as well …"

Context:
JLB 212, 3/16/1882-3/20/1882: "As regards H.G.T., I knew His Hon. during a remarkable period in his life, when he'd only just 'worked his way up', as they say, and was newly married as well."

Context:
JLB 237, 6/8/1882: "In short, with all his superficially refined politeness, with his superficially civilized manners, his smart clothes and so on and so on, on consideration and also looking back on it, I find something malicious in His Hon.'s character" (emphasis in original).

Context:
JLB 212, 3/16/1882-3/20/1882: "The impression he made on me then was a strong one -- he was a practical man -- extremely clever and lively, energetic in small and large things as well, he radiated poetry, as it were, but of the true, unsentimental kind."

Context:
BVG 206, 6/8/1882-6/9/1882: "In short, notwithstanding the superficial elegance of his behaviour, notwithstanding his superficially refined manners, his nice clothes, etc., etc., when thinking them over, and also recalling them to my mind, I find something 'false' in his Honour's character."
JLB 237, 6/8/1882: "In short, with all his superficially refined politeness, with his superficially civilized manners, his smart clothes and so on and so on, on consideration and also looking back on it, I find something malicious in His Hon.'s character" (emphasis in original).

Context:
BVG 182, 3/14/1882-3/18/1882: "… [Tersteeg] radiated poetry, so to speak, but poetry of the genuine, unsentimental sort."
JLB 212, 3/16/1882-3/20/1882: "… [Tersteeg] radiated poetry, as it were, but of the true, unsentimental kind."

Context:
BVG 182, 3/14/1882-3/18/1882: "At the time he made a strong impression on me … I felt so much respect for him at the time that I always kept my distance and looked upon him as a being of a higher order."
JLB 212, 3/16/1882-3/20/1882: " The impression he made on me then was a strong one … Then I had such respect for him that I always kept my distance, and I considered him a being of a higher order than myself."

Context:
JLB 21, 3/30/1874: "I'm also busy at present and am glad of it, because that's what I need."

Context:
JLB 658, 8/9/1888: "In that, our uncle was quite right when he said: much work with few staff, and not little work with many."

Context:
JLB 10, 7/2/1873: "I'm already finished with my work at 6 o'clock, so I still have a fair amount of time for myself, which I spend very pleasantly walking, reading and writing letters."

Context:
BVG 15, 3/30/1874: "You have done well to read the book by [Thoré-]Burger; you should devour books on art as much as possible, especially The Gazette de Beaux-Arts, etc."
JLB 21, 3/30/1874: "It's good that you've read the book by [Thoré-]Bürger; read about art as much as possible, especially the Gazette des Beaux-Arts &c."

Context:
JLB 21, 3/30/1874: "It's good that you've read the book by Bürger; read about art as much as possible, especially the Gazette des Beaux-Arts &c."

Context:
JLB 21, 3/30/1874: "It's good that you've read the book by Bürger; read about art as much as possible, especially the Gazette des Beaux-Arts &c."

Context:
JLB 15, 11/19/1873: "You must in any case go to the museum often, it's good to be acquainted with the old painters, too …"

Context:
JLB 534, 10/10/1885: "I don't know whether you remember that to the left of the Night Watch, in other words as a pendant to the Syndics, there's a painting it was unknown to me until now by Frans Hals and P. Codde, 20 or so officers full length."

Context:
JLB 4, 1/28/1873: "I know the photo of the Rotta, and even saw the painting at the Brussels exhibition."

Context:
BVG 15, 3/30/1874: "And the Italian primitives -- Botticelli, or let's say the Flemish primitives, Van Eyck, the German, Cranach -- they are no more than heathens who only interest me for the same reason as do the Greeks, Velásquez and so many other naturalists."
JLB 632, 6/26/1888: "And the Italian primitives (Botticelli, say), the Flemish, German primitives (V. Eyck, and Cranach) ..... They're pagans, and only interest me for the same reason that the Greeks do, and Velázquez, and so many other naturalists."

Context:
JLB 131, 9/18/1877: "Pa wrote that you'd been to Antwerp, am eager to hear what you saw there, long ago I also saw the old paintings in the museum -- and even seem to recall a beautiful portrait by Rembrandt, it would be wonderful if one could remember everything clearly, but it's just like the sight of a long road, in the distance things seem smaller and as though in a mist."

Context:
JLB 131, 9/18/1877: "Pa wrote that you'd been to Antwerp, am eager to hear what you saw there, long ago I also saw the old paintings in the museum -- and even seem to recall a beautiful portrait by Rembrandt, it would be wonderful if one could remember everything clearly, but it's just like the sight of a long road, in the distance things seem smaller and as though in a mist."

Context:
JLB 15, 11/19/1873: "You must in any case go to the museum often"

Context:
JLB 125, 8/3/1877: "I was also in [Jan Hendrik] Weissenbruch's studio once, a couple of days before my first trip to London, and the recollection of what I saw there in the way of studies and paintings is still very clear, as is that of the man himself."

Context:
BVG 13, 1/1/1874: "But I might go on like that for I don't know how long. Then there are the old masters, and I am sure I have forgotten some of the best modern ones."
JLB 17, January 1874: "But I could go on like this for I don't know how long, and then come all the old ones, and I'm sure I've left out some of the best new ones."

Context:
JLB 4, 1/28/1873: "The album whose title you gave me isn't the one I meant, which contains only lithographs after Corot. Thanks anyway for taking the trouble."

Context:
JLB 280, 11/5/1882 : "While searching for an example, I think of old woodcuts by Jacque that I saw at least ten years ago at C.M.'s."

Context:
JLB 17, January 1874: "… find things beautiful as much as you can, most people find too little beautiful" (emphasis in original).

Context:
BVG 13, 1/1/1874: " Then there are the old masters, and I am sure I have forgotten some of the best modern ones."
JLB 17, January 1874: " … and then come all the old ones, and I'm sure I've left out some of the best new ones."

Context:
BVG 13, 1/1/1874: "But I could go on like that for I don't know how long …"
JLB 17, January 1874: "But I could go on like this for I don't know how long …"

Context:
JLB 267, 9/19/1882: "Yes, the Italians are most definitely clever, but where is their sentiment, their human feeling? ... the dazzling peacock's feathers of the Italians, ... I don't say that this applies to all of them, but you get my drift as regards the direction and tenor of that school. What I say doesn't detract from the fact that I also know many whom I find beautiful, namely the artists who have something Goya-like, such as Fortuny sometimes, and Morelli, and sometimes even Tapiró &c., Heilbuth, Duez. When I first saw some of this work 10 or 12 years ago, I was with Goupil at the time, I thought it was splendid." (Emphasis in original.)

Context:
JLB 14, 10/16/1873 and 10/31/1873: "Herewith a couple of small photos which I hope will be to your liking. Here there are practically no albums like those we have in Holland, but rather so-called 'scrapbooks' in which one puts photographs, as I've done in this letter (which explains why we don't put the photos in mounts here), the advantage of which is that one can arrange all shapes and sizes on the same sheet however one wants. I would advise you to buy a kind of writing-book with blank pages and to put these in it, for a start."

Context:
BVG 11a, 10/1/1873: "Here you see hardly any albums like those in Holland, but so-called scrapbooks into which you put photographs like the ones in this letter (that is why we have the photographs unmounted here)."
JLB 14, 10/16/1873 and 10/31/1873: "Here there are practically no albums like those we have in Holland, but rather so-called 'scrapbooks' in which one puts photographs, as I've done in this letter (which explains why we don't put the photos in mounts here) …"

Context:
JLB 14, 10/16/1873 and 10/31/1873: "… the advantage of which is that one can arrange all shapes and sizes on the same sheet however one wants."

Context:
JLB 267, 9/19/1882: "I once put together a collection of woodcuts, mainly after the above artists, which I gave away to a friend in England when I left Goupil."

Context:
BVG R13, 9/18/1882-9/19/1882: "… those brilliant peacock's feathers by those Italians -- who seem to multiply daily …"
JLB 267, 9/19/1882: "… the dazzling peacock's feathers of the Italians, who seem to multiply daily …"

Context:
JLB 19, 2/20/1874: "Have you seen Mr. Jacobson's collection yet? It's well worth while, he'll no doubt ask you to come and see it sometime. Give him my regards, as politely as you can, and tell him that I'm doing well here and am seeing a lot of beautiful things."

Context:
JLB 14, 10/16/1873 and 10/31/1873: "There are no more than 4 or 5 copies of this photograph [Van Muyden's 'Refectoire'], because the negative is broken."

Context:
JLB 15, 11/19/1873: "How are the nouveautés selling in Holland? Here there's literally almost nothing to be done with the ordinary engravings after [Constant-Joseph] Brochart &c. The good burin engravings sell quite well; ... But it's a delight to see how the photos sell, especially the coloured ones, and they yield a handsome profit."

Context:
JLB 13, 9/13/1873: "Yesterday I saw an exhibition of Belgian paintings, which included various old acquaintances from the last Brussels Exhibition."

Context:
JLB 131, 9/18/1877: "Pa wrote that you'd been to Antwerp, am eager to hear what you saw there, long ago I also saw the old paintings in the museum -- and even seem to recall a beautiful portrait by Rembrandt, it would be wonderful if one could remember everything clearly, but it's just like the sight of a long road, in the distance things seem smaller and as though in a mist."

Context:
JLB 280, 11/5/1882: "While searching for an example, I think of old woodcuts by Jacque that I saw at least 10 years ago at C.M.'s [in Amsterdam]."

Context:
BVG 300, 7/13/1883: "Some time ago I wrote you that perhaps it would be the same with me now as it was when I lived in The Hague years ago, that at first it was a miserable time but that later it became more pleasant …"
JLB 362, 7/13/1883: "I once wrote to you that things might turn out as they did years ago when I was also living in The Hague -- that at first it would be a miserable time but become more agreeable later on."

Context:
BVG 3, 1/1/1873: " The beginning is perhaps more difficult than anything else, but keep heart, it will turn out all right."
JLB 3, mid-January 1873: " The beginning is perhaps more difficult than in other jobs, but keep your chin up and you'll get along."

Context:
JLB 658, 8/9/1888: "In that, our uncle was quite right when he said: much work with few staff, and not little work with many."

Context:
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: ""I'll go to Helvoirt at Easter if I possibly can, but it will depend on the nouveautés that Iterson takes along on his trip. I won't be able to leave until he gets back."

Context:
JLB 41, 8/16/1875-9/1/1875: "Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them."

Context:
JLB 250, 7/23/1882: "In judging me and my behaviour, Tersteeg always starts from the premise that I'm incapable of anything and am good for nothing. He told me that himself ... 'Oh, it will be the same with that painting of yours as with all the other things you've started -- it won't come to anything.'"

Context:
BVG 182, 3/14/1882-3/18/1882: "I felt so much respect for him at the time that I always kept my distance and looked upon him as a being of a higher order."
JLB 212, 3/16/1882-3/20/1882: "Then I had such respect for him that I always kept my distance, and I considered him a being of a higher order than myself."

Context:
JLB 4, 1/28/1873: "It's cold here, and people are already skating on the flooded fields. I go walking as much as I can. I'm curious to know whether you'll find an opportunity to go skating."

Context:
JLB 52, 9/29/1875: "I advised you to go out quite a lot, but if you don't like it, don't do it. You know that I didn't go out so very much either, and that people often remarked upon it."

In the absence of resolving evidence, we have used the earlier date, since Vincent was sent to Zevenbergen around the same age. Also, Stolwijk, accounts for Theo's education [by a governess in Zundert] only until June 1869 (Stolwijk, "'Our Crown and Our Honour and Our Joy' Theo van Gogh's Early Years," pp. 44-46). The stay with the 's Grauwens introduced Theo not only to the fruit orchards of the rich Waal river plain, so different from sandy Zundert, but also to the Japanese art and artifacts that his uncle, Abraham 's Grauwen, a distinguished sailor, had brought back from his years teaching navigation in Japan (he had been stationed in India). A family chronicle entry dated 1858 reads: "Mr. 's Gr[auwen], lieutenant at sea, had brought over many things from Japan, where he had helped teach [the art of navigation] in the Navy for a couple of years. Those things were saved at his sister's and were looked at by friends." (“The Name Van Gogh,” p. 362.)

Theo had rejoined his family by the time they arrived in Helvoirt on February 1, 1871, registering the same day as the rest of the family, except Vincent (“Notes in Helvoirt File,” n.p.). (It is highly unlikely that Theo returned to Tiel for a month of school after the Christmas break. His reason for rejoining the family in Helvoirt may have been foreknowledge of the 's Grauwens’ move to Helvoirt in 1872. (See Van Gogh, Anna Cornelia van Houten, p. 7.) But the closest school satisfactory to Theo’s parents was in Oisterwijk, four miles from Tiel. Like the Provily School that Vincent attended in Zevenbergen, Theo’s school in Oisterwijk was a private Protestant school, officially named "The Non-subsidized Special School for More Advanced Education." The headmaster was Cornelis Adriaan Heintz (not Nicolaas Felix, who did not assume the position until 1884) (Hulsker, p. 40). (See Stolwijk, p. 44, n. 13, and Van Uitert, in Van Spanndonk, Wildenberg, and Mulder-Koenen, p. 42.)

Dutiful as ever, Theo made the long trek to Oisterwijk both ways, every day -- a punishing ordeal, especially when harsh weather blew through the Maas valley, as it often did. Vincent sympathized with his brother’s daily ordeal in both of his first two letters: "What terrible weather, you must feel anxious on your walks to Oisterwijk"(JLB 1, 9/29/1872; emphasis in original). "I pity your having to go to Oisterwijk every day in this beastly weather" (JLB 2, 12/13/1872).

Context:
JLB 9/29/1872: "I missed you the first few days, and it was strange for me not to find you when I came home in the afternoon. We spent some pleasant days together, and actually did go for some walks and see a thing or two whenever we had the chance."

Context:
JLB 1, 9/29/1872: "I missed you the first few days, and it was strange for me not to find you when I came home in the afternoon."

Context:
JLB 1, 9/29/1872: "We … actually did go for some walks and see a thing or two whenever we had the chance."

Context:
JLB 79, 4/28/1876: "I'd like to walk with you both sometime through the Bosjes [woods] to Scheveningen."

Context:
JLB 79, 4/28/1876: "I'd like to walk with you both sometime through the Bosjes to Scheveningen."

Context:
BVG 63, 4/28/1876: "I wish I could walk once more with you through my woods, to Scheveningen." JLB 79, 4/28/1876: "I'd like to walk with you both sometime through the Bosjes to Scheveningen."

Context:
JLB 288, 11/26/1882-11/27/1882: "It's Sunday again. This morning I was on Rijswijkseweg. The meadows are partly flooded."

Context:
JLB 235, 6/3/1882: "I've thought of you so often these past few days, and also occasionally about the time long ago when, as you will remember, you visited me in The Hague and we walked along Trekweg to Rijswijk and drank milk at the mill there."

Context:
BVG 205, 6/3/1882: "I have been thinking of you very often lately, and also of that time long ago when, as you remember, you visited me once at The Hague, and we walked together along the Rijswijk road and drank milk at that mill."
JLB 235, 6/3/1882: "I've thought of you so often these past few days, and also occasionally about the time long ago when, as you will remember, you visited me in The Hague and we walked along Trekweg to Rijswijk and drank milk at the mill there."

Context:
BVG 10, 7/20/1873: "That Rijswijk road holds memories for me which are perhaps the most beautiful I have."
JLB 11, 7/20/1873: "That Rijswijkseweg holds memories for me which are perhaps the most delightful I have."

Context:
BVG 205, 6/3/1882: "Looking back on those days of the mill, how sympathetic that time always seems to me; however, it would have been impossible for me to put what I saw and felt on paper."
JLB 235, 6/3/1882: "At the time of the mill, however dear those days still are to me, it would have been impossible for me to put what I saw and felt on paper."

Context:
BVG 205, 6/3/1882: "Looking back on those days of the mill, how sympathetic that time always seems to me; …"
JLB 235, 6/3/1882: "At the time of the mill, however dear those days still are to me, …"

Context:
BVG 347, 12/18/1883: "Something better than the days of the Rijswijk mill -- namely the same thing but for good and all -- two poor brother artists --bound up in one and the same feeling, for one and the same nature and art -- will it ever come to that?"
JLB 414, 12/16/1883: "Something better than the time of the Rijswijk mill -- namely the same once and for all -- two poor brothers, artists -- bound up in the same feeling for the same nature and art -- will it ever come to that?"

Context:
BVG 347, 12/18/1883: "And I see those same brothers in earlier years -- when you had just entered the art world, had just begun to read, etc., etc. -- near the Rijswijk mill, or, for example, on a winter outing to Chaam [a town near Zundert] across the snowy heath early one morning! Feeling, thinking and believing the same to such an extent -- that I ask myself, can those be the same two? The question is, what will the outcome be -- will they separate forever, or will they take the same path once and for all?"
JLB 414, 12/16/1883: "And I see those same two brothers in earlier years -- when you were just coming into the world of painting, just beginning to read &c. &c. -- by the mill in Rijswijk. Or, for example, on an outing to Chaam [a town near Zundert] in the winter, across the snow-covered heath, early in the morning! Feeling so much the same, thinking and believing so much the same -- that I ask myself -- are they the same people??? Question -- what will happen now? -- will they part company forever, or will they find the same path once and for all?" (Emphasis in original.)

Context:
BVG 347, 12/18/1883: "Feeling, thinking and believing the same to such an extent -- that I ask myself, can those be the same two? The question is, what will the outcome be -- will they separate forever, or will they take the same path once and for all?"
JLB 414, 12/16/1883: " Feeling so much the same, thinking and believing so much the same -- that I ask myself -- are they the same people??? Question -- what will happen now? -- will they part company forever, or will they find the same path once and for all?"

Context:
JLB 11, 7/20/1873: "How much I'd like to have you here, what pleasant days we spent together in The Hague. I still think so often of our walk on Rijswijkseweg, where we drank milk at the mill after the rain. If those paintings we have from you are to be sent back, I'll send you a portrait of that mill by Weissenbruch. Perhaps you remember, 'the merry tune' is his nickname, 'I say, superrrb'. That Rijswijkseweg holds memories for me which are perhaps the most delightful I have. Perhaps we'll speak of it again sometime when we meet."

Context:
JLB 1, 9/26/1872: " My dear Theo … I missed you the first few days, and it was strange for me not to find you when I came home in the afternoon."

Context:
BVG 157, 11/12/1881: "What kind of love was it that I felt when I was twenty? It is difficult to define -- my physical passions were very weak then, perhaps because of a few years of great poverty and hard work. But my intellectual passions were strong, meaning that without asking anything in return, without wanting any pity, I wanted only to give, but not to receive."
JLB 183, 11/12/1881: "What kind of love did I have in my 20th year? Difficult to define, my physical passions were very weak then, perhaps owing to a couple of years of dreadful poverty and hard work. But my intellectual passions were strong, and by that I mean that I was determined, without asking anything in return or accepting any favours, only to give but not to receive." (Emphasis in original.)

Context:
BVG 156, 11/10/1881-11/11/1881: "When I was younger, one half of me once fancied that I was in love, and with the other half I really was."
JLB 182, 11/10/1881 or 11/11/1881: "When I was younger I once half-imagined that I loved, while the other half truly loved …"

Context:
BVG 157, 11/12/1881: "But my intellectual passions were strong, meaning that without asking anything in return, without wanting any pity, I wanted only to give, but not to receive."
JLB 183, 11/12/1881: "But my intellectual passions were strong, and by that I mean that I was determined, without asking anything in return or accepting any favours, only to give but not to receive."

To complicate matters, Vincent reiterates the comment again later in the same letter, specifying only that he said it "in my younger days." We believe there are three possibilities. (1) Vincent is referring to a conversation he had with Theo in 1872, on the same visit as the trip to Rijswijk, and that the reference to the Roosendaal station is just a mistake of memory (the station in The Hague was the Rijnspoor station). (2) Vincent is referring to more recent conversation the brothers had in August 1881 when Vincent saw Theo off at the station after his summer visit. Vincent wrote soon after: "I wish we knew each other much better and more intimately than we do now. That thought occurred to me especially when coming back from Roozendaal after seeing you off at the station; also with regard to some things we said that last moment at the station." (JLB 170, 8/5/1881.) This conversation precedes by only a few weeks the start of Vincent's infatuation with his visiting cousin Kee Vos (see Chapter 14). The intensity and abruptness of that pursuit may be foretold in the loneliness and frustration Vincent expresses in the instant passage ("I was so set against being alone"). However, it is hard to see how the dating references Vincent employs ("when we first worked together," "that first year," and "in my younger days") apply to an 1881 dating. (3) Prostitutes were the subject of more than one conversation between the two brothers and that the comment recalled in 1884 invokes multiple conversations (of which one, perhaps the most recent, took place at the Roozendaal station) all focused around a basic dynamic of Vincent's loneliness and justification for seeing prostitutes that was likely to have arisen whenever the subject was discussed. This reading is consistent with the second, more general dating in letter JLB 432, 3/2/1884. Any of these readings would support the line taken in the text.

Context:
BVG 358, 3/1/1884: "And as for me--I told you plainly enough, to be sure, in my younger days: if I cannot get a good woman, I shall take a bad one, better a bad one than none at all."
JLB 432, 3/2/1884: "And for my part -- I told you really quite plainly enough back in my salad days, if I couldn't get a fine woman I'd take a common one, better a common one than none."

Context:
BVG 358, 3/1/1884: "And as for me -- I told you plainly enough, to be sure, in my younger days: if I cannot get a good woman, I shall take a bad one, better a bad one than none at all. … I would sooner be with a bad whore than be alone."
JLB 432, 3/2/1884: "And for my part -- I told you really quite plainly enough back in my salad days, if I couldn't get a fine woman I'd take a common one, better a common one than none. … I would rather be with a common whore than alone."

Context:
BVG 157, 11/12/1881: "What kind of love was it that I felt when I was twenty? It is difficult to define -- my physical passions were very weak then, perhaps because of a few years of great poverty and hard work. But my intellectual passions were strong, meaning that without asking anything in return, without wanting any pity, I wanted only to give, but not to receive."
JLB 183, 11/12/1881: "What kind of love did I have in my 20th year? Difficult to define, my physical passions were very weak then, perhaps owing to a couple of years of dreadful poverty and hard work. But my intellectual passions were strong, and by that I mean that I was determined, without asking anything in return or accepting any favours, only to give but not to receive." (Emphasis in original.)

Context:
BVG 35, 9/1/1875: "Go out as much as you can, I mean, of course, to Van Stockum's, Haanebeek's, Carbentus's, Borchers's, etc.; not to Kraft's or Marda's, you know, unless it happens that you can't do otherwise -- then there is no harm in it for once."
JLB 42, 9/2/1875: "Go out often, if you can, I mean of course to visit Caroline van Stockum, the Carbentuses, Haanebeeks, Borchers &c.; not to Kraft's or Marda's, you understand! Or it would have to be because you couldn't do otherwise, just once or twice can do no harm."

Context:
BVG 164, 12/21/1881: "And we talked about everything, about her life, about her worries, about her misery, about her health, and I had a more exhilarating conversation with her than, for instance, with my learned, professorial cousin Jan."
JLB 193, 12/23/1881: "And we talked about all kinds of things, about her life, about her cares, about her destitution, about her health, and I had a livelier conversation with her than with my learned professorial cousin Jan Stricker, for instance."

Context:
BVG 164, 12/21/1881: "It was not the first time that I was unable to resist that feeling of affection, that special affection and love for those women who are so damned and condemned and despised by clergymen from the lofty heights of their pulpits."
JLB 193, 12/23/1881: "It's not the first time I couldn't resist that feeling of affection, particularly love and affection for those women whom the clergymen damn so and superciliously despise and condemn from the pulpit."

Context:
BVG 164, 12/21/1881: "It was not the first time that I was unable to resist that feeling of affection, that special affection and love for those women ..."
JLB 193, 12/23/1881: "It's not the first time I couldn't resist that feeling of affection, particularly love and affection for those women ..."

Context:
BVG 173, 1/26/1882: "And I tell you frankly that in my opinion one must not hesitate to go to a prostitute occasionally if there is one you can trust and feel something for, as there really are many. For one who has a strenuous life it is necessary, absolutely necessary, in order to keep sane and well."
JLB 203, 1/26/1882: "And I tell you frankly that I definitely think you mustn't be embarrassed about going to a girl now and then, if you know one you can trust and you can feel something for, of which there are many in fact. Because for someone whose life is all hard work and exertion it's necessary, absolutely necessary, to stay normal and to keep one's wits about one."

Context:
BVG 266, 2/11/1883: "I sometimes think of years ago when I came to The Hague for the first time, and of the three years I spent at Goupil and Co.; the first two were rather unpleasant, but the last one was much happier, so who knows whether the same won't happen now?"
JLB 312, 2/11/1883: "I sometimes think that when I first came to The Hague to G&Cie, years ago now, two of the 3 years I spent there were fairly unpleasant, but the last was much happier and so, who knows, something similar may happen here."

Context:
JLB 234, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "Once before in my life, many years ago though, I had a letter along the same lines as your last one. It was from H.G.T., whom I had consulted about something that I've regretted speaking to him about ever since. Then, I recall, a kind of fear swept over me and I was afraid of my family. Now -- 10 or 12 years later -- I've learned to think differently about my obligations and relationship to my family."

Context:
JLB 234, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "Once before in my life, many years ago though, I had a letter along the same lines as your last one. It was from H.G.T., whom I had consulted about something that I've regretted speaking to him about ever since. Then, I recall, a kind of fear swept over me and I was afraid of my family. Now -- 10 or 12 years later -- I've learned to think differently about my obligations and relationship to my family."

Context:
BVG 204, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "Once before in my life, though many years ago, I received a letter written in the same vein as your last one. And that was from H. G. T., whom I had consulted about something, and I have regretted ever since that I broached the matter with him. I well remember that I was seized by a kind of panic at the time and that I was frightened of my family. Now, some 10 or 12 years later, I have learned to think differently of my obligations towards and relations with my family."
JLB 234, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "Once before in my life, many years ago though, I had a letter along the same lines as your last one. It was from H.G.T., whom I had consulted about something that I've regretted speaking to him about ever since. Then, I recall, a kind of fear swept over me and I was afraid of my family. Now -- 10 or 12 years later -- I've learned to think differently about my obligations and relationship to my family."

Context:
BVG 204, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "I well remember that I was seized by a kind of panic at the time and that I was frightened of my family."
JLB 234, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "Then, I recall, a kind of fear swept over me and I was afraid of my family."

Context:
BVG 204, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "… I have learned to think differently of my obligations towards and relations with my family."
JLB 234, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "… Now -- 10 or 12 years later -- I've learned to think differently about my obligations and relationship to my family."

Context:
BVG 204, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "… I have regretted ever since that I broached the matter with him."
JLB 234, 6/1/1882-6/2/1882: "… I've regretted speaking to him about ever since."

Context:
JLB 251, 7/26/1882: "I know now with near certainty that he said things about me long ago which did much to cast me in a bad light."

Context:
BVG 388b, 2/1/1885-2/15/1885: "I've a good deal to say about your calling my last letter 'particularly unpleasant.' In the first place this -- some time ago you wrote me quite a number of unpleasant things which I have been hearing from you and others for over fifteen years now -- and that's a long time -- about domestic relations here."
JLB 482, 2/2/1885: "I have a great deal to say about your calling my last letter 'particularly unpleasant'. First of all this -- some time ago you wrote various unpleasant things to me which I've been hearing from you and others for the past 15 years and more -- that's a long time -- about relations at home." (Emphasis in original.)

Context:
JLB 89, 8/26/1876; emphasis in original:
"A longing for sanctification
Who shall free us fully and for ever
From the body of this death, bent beneath the yoke?
How long must I still combat my nature
Ere this heart from sinful service be revoked?
That God my God would be, I pledged my troth
With singleness of mind Him would I follow
But I was tried -- forgotten was my oath
I was tempted -- and my foot did falter.
No, with my own strength I shan't learn to conquer
Soul, confess your weakness, self-deceit, take flight!
A child's heart must be shaped by the Father
The Master be the pupil's guiding light."

Context:
JLB 86, 7/8/1876: "Now I have a request to make of you. Back then in The Hague I went to a catechist, Hillen, who was living in Bagijnestraat at the time. He took great pains over me and, although I didn't show it, what he said made an impression on me, and I have a mind to write a word or two to him, perhaps it would give him pleasure."

Context:
JLB 86, 7/8/1876: "He took great pains over me and, although I didn't show it, what he said made an impression on me ..."

Context:
JLB 183, 11/12/1881: "What helped me recover my balance more than anything else was reading practical books on physical and moral diseases. I got a deeper insight into my own heart and also into that of others."

Context:
JLB 3, mid-January, 1873: "The next time I write I'll send you my portrait; I had it taken last Sunday."

Theo had a general reticence about leaving home for a strange city at such an early age. In another letter, his father addressed those concerns: "Do you really think that you are the only one who can't feel at home and familiar right away when meeting new people?" (b2637 V/1982, "Gogh, Theodorus en Anna C. van" to "Gogh, Theo van", 6/23/1873.) Another letter shows just how deeply Theo’s dreaded the prospect of his new life: "Your letter and the one we received from Aunt Mietje both show general satisfaction,” his parents wrote in January 1873. “That is wonderful. Your worry about not being good enough has been dashed ..." (b2594 V/1982, "Gogh, Theodorus en Anna C. van" to "Gogh, Theo van", 1/16/1873).

Context:
JLB 3, mid-January, 1873: "Pa wrote that you're good friends with Schmidt. Bravo, I think he's a fine fellow, and one who'll be sure to show you the ropes."

Context:
JLB 9, 6/13/1873: "I heard from home that you're now staying with Mr. Schmidt, and that Pa has been to see you. I sincerely hope that this will be more to your liking than your previous boarding-house, and don't doubt that it will be."

Context:
JLB 2, 12/13/1872: "That was good news that I just read in Pa's letter. My hearty congratulations.

Context:
BVG 3, 1/1/1873: " I am very happy that you work in the same firm. It is such a splendid house; the more one works there, the more ambition it gives you."
JLB 3, 1/1/1873: " I'm really very happy that you're also part of this firm. It's such a fine firm, the longer one is part of it the more enthusiastic one becomes."

Context:
BVG 2, 12/13/1872: "I hope that I'll see you before you leave, we still have a lot to talk about."
JLB 2, 12/13/1872: "I hope so much to see you before you leave, we'll have a lot to talk about."

Context:
JLB 2, 12/13/1872: "That was good news that I just read in Pa's letter. My hearty congratulations. I don't doubt that it will give you pleasure, it's such a fine firm. It will be a big change for you. I hope so much to see you before you leave, we'll have a lot to talk about. I believe that Brussels is a very pleasant city, though it will seem strange at first."

Context:
JLB 2, 12/13/1872: "I believe that Brussels is a very pleasant city, though it will seem strange at first."

Context:
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "How is business with you? It must be busy, as it is here. You probably know your way around by now."

Context:
JLB 4, 1/28/1873: "The album whose title you gave me isn't the one I meant, which contains only lithographs after Corot. Thanks anyway for taking the trouble."

Context:
BVG 3, 1/1/1873: "Don't forget to tell me what pictures you see and which you like best."
JLB 3, mid-January, 1873: "You must write to me in particular about what kind of paintings you see and what you find beautiful."

Context:
BVG 347, 12/18/1883: "Something better than the days of the Rijswijk mill -- namely the same thing but for good and all -- two poor brother artists --bound up in one and the same feeling, for one and the same nature and art -- will it ever come to that?"
JLB 414, 12/16/1883: "Something better than the time of the Rijswijk mill -- namely the same once and for all -- two poor brothers, artists -- bound up in the same feeling for the same nature and art -- will it ever come to that?"

Context:
BVG 347, 12/18/1883: "And I see those same brothers in earlier years -- when you had just entered the art world, had just begun to read, etc., etc. -- near the Rijswijk mill, or, for example, on a winter outing to Chaam [a town near Zundert] across the snowy heath early one morning! Feeling, thinking and believing the same to such an extent -- that I ask myself, can those be the same two? The question is, what will the outcome be -- will they separate forever, or will they take the same path once and for all?"
JLB 414, 12/16/1883: "And I see those same two brothers in earlier years -- when you were just coming into the world of painting, just beginning to read &c. &c. -- by the mill in Rijswijk. Or, for example, on an outing to Chaam [a town near Zundert] in the winter, across the snow-covered heath, early in the morning! Feeling so much the same, thinking and believing so much the same -- that I ask myself -- are they the same people??? Question -- what will happen now? -- will they part company forever, or will they find the same path once and for all?" (Emphasis in original.)

Context:
JLB 4, 1/28/1873: "As you know, Uncle has just been to Paris and has brought home splendid paintings and drawings. I stayed in Amsterdam on Monday morning and went to the museums again."

Context:
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "What wonderful weather we've been having, I'm taking advantage of it as much as I can. Last Sunday I went rowing with Willem."

Context:
JLB 3, mid-January, 1973: "It's such a fine firm, the longer one is part of it the more enthusiastic one becomes."

Context:
BVG 5, 3/17/1873: "I suppose you have heard that I am going to London, probably very soon."
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "You'll have heard that I'm going to London, and probably very soon."

Context:
BVG 5, 3/17/1873: "Now that it has been decided that I shall go away, I feel how strongly I am attached to The Hague. Well, it can't be helped, and I intend not to take things too hard."
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "I'm only just noticing how attached I am to The Hague, now that it's been decided I must go away. Still, it can't be helped, and I intend not to take things too hard."

Context:
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "Goupil has no gallery in London; they only supply the trade."

Context:
JLB 3, mid-January, 1873: "I'm busy now at the beginning of the year. My new year began well, I was given a monthly rise of 10 guilders, so I now earn 50 guilders a month, and on top of that I received a 50-guilder bonus."

Context:
JLB 3, mid-January, 1873: "… I now earn 50 guilders a month, and on top of that I received a 50-guilder bonus."

Context:
BVG 5, 3/17/1873: " I suppose you have heard that I am going to London, probably very soon."
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: " You'll have heard that I'm going to London, and probably very soon."

Context:
BVG 5, 3/17/1873: "I am looking forward very much to seeing London, as you can imagine, but still I am sorry to leave here."
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "I'm looking forward to seeing very much, as you can imagine, and yet I'm sorry to have to leave this place."

Context:
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "Theo, I must again recommend that you start smoking a pipe."

Context:
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "Theo, I must again recommend that you start smoking a pipe. It does you a lot of good when you're out of spirits, as I quite often am nowadays."

Context:
BVG 5, 3/17/1873: "Theo, I strongly advise you to smoke a pipe; it is a remedy for the blues, which I happen to have had now and then lately."
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "Theo, I must again recommend that you start smoking a pipe. It does you a lot of good when you're out of spirits, as I quite often am nowadays."

Context:
BVG 5, 3/17/1873: "Now that it has been decided that I shall go away, I feel how strongly I am attached to The Hague. Well, it can't be helped, and I intend not to take things too hard. "
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "I'm only just noticing how attached I am to The Hague, now that it's been decided I must go away. Still, it can't be helped, and I intend not to take things too hard. "

Context:
BVG 5, 3/17/1873: "Theo, I strongly advise you to smoke a pipe; it is a remedy for the blues, which I happen to have had now and then lately."
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "Theo, I must again recommend that you start smoking a pipe. It does you a lot of good when you're out of spirits, as I quite often am nowadays."

Context:
BVG 5, 3/17/1873: "I suppose you have heard that I am going to London, probably very soon."
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "You'll have heard that I'm going to London, and probably very soon."

Context:
JLB 7, 5/5/1873 and JLB 8, 5/9/1873: "On Saturday I'll go home and take my leave, and then on Sunday on to Paris. I'm afraid it'll end up being Monday, however, and that on Sunday I'll still be in Helvoirt."

Context:
BVG 5, 3/17/1873: "I shall probably have to live alone in rooms [i.e., as opposed to boarding with a family]. I'll have to take care of many things I don't have to worry about now."
JLB 5, 3/17/1873: "I'll probably have to live alone in lodgings [i.e., as opposed to boarding with a family] and will therefore have to deal with many things that I needn't trouble myself with now."

Context:
JLB 125, 8/3/1877: "So you were at Mauve's and had a good time there, did you draw anything while you were there? I was also in Weissenbruch's studio once, a couple of days before my first trip to London, and the recollection of what I saw there in the way of studies and paintings is still very clear, as is that of the man himself." (Emphasis in original.)

Context:
JLB 112, 4/22/1877-4/23/1877: "I now remember very clearly having left it behind at the Rooses' when I left for England, because there wasn't much room in my trunk and also because I thought it would be safer there than travelling with me in foreign parts."

But Theo had responsibilities now. The dutifulness that had won his parents' hearts long ago had now won gérant Schmidt's, too. By June, Theo would sell his first painting and by August he would be managing the Brussels store in Schmidt's absence (Stolwijk, "'Our Crown and Our Honour and Our Joy' Theo van Gogh's Early Years," p. 47). Everyone noticed the change in Theo. "How quickly you have grown up, Theo!" his mother said (as remembered by Jo Bonger) (b4523 V/1962, ''Gogh-Bonger, Jo van''). Now, instead of urging Theo to follow Vincent's example, she urged both her sons to "set examples for each other" (b2619 V/1982, "Gogh, Theodorus en Anna C. van" to "Gogh, Theo van", 4/26/1873). Even little Cor, only five, felt the change. "When I grow up," he said, "I want to work with Vincent or Theo." (Anna quoting Cor in b2611 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theodorus en Anna C. van'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 3/21/1873.) Vincent, too, must have sensed that his brother was no longer simply the impressionable fifteen-year-old that he had tutored on the road to Rijswijk. At Easter, Theo left Helvoirt before Vincent because he "wanted to work overtime" (b2618 V/1982, ''Gogh, Theodorus en Anna C. van'' to ''Gogh, Theo van'', 4/19/1873).

When it became clear that Theo could not (or would not) make a second trip to Helvoirt, Vincent tried at the last minute to schedule a rendezvous at the train station in Brussels, as his train passed through. "On Monday morning I'll leave Helvoirt for Paris, passing through Brussels at 2:07. Do come to the station if you can; it would give me great pleasure." (JLB 8, 5/9/1873.) Vincent wanted Theo to meet him at the station -- in the middle of the workday (2:07 p.m.) -- so they could walk the long platform and rejoin the conversation that was always being interrupted. But as his departure approached, Vincent grew doubtful that his dutiful brother would appear, and told his father that he would likely not even debark from the train when it stopped (b2627 V/1982, "Gogh, Theodorus van" to "Gogh, Theo van", 5/14/1873). In this letter, Dorus summarizes for Theo the last thing Vincent said on the subject of the rendezvous prior to leaving Helvoirt: "It was doubtful whether he would see you ..." We see no other way to interpret this than that Vincent, fearing that Theo would not show, did not want to subject himself to the humiliation of conducting a fruitless search for him in the Brussels station. Meyers, however, suggests (without saying) that the brothers did see each other (Meyers, p. 112).

Context:
JLB 8, 5/9/1873: "Theo, you have no idea how kind to me they all are here; you can imagine how sorry I am to have to part from so many friends."

On the eve of Vincent's departure, his thirteen-year-old sister Lies recited a poem for her older brother. (Vincent labels the poem "The boarder" by Jan Van Beers. Meyers calls it "De avondstond" ["The Evening Hour"] [Meyers, p. 112]). Vincent says only that Lies "copied it out for me on my last evening at home," but we agree with Meyers that she read it first. If the plan had been merely to give it to him, she would have copied it out before the last night. Reading poetry was also an integral part of giving it. The poem told the story of a wayfaring stranger who watches from the bushes as a fantastical peasant procession passes in the night -- a wagon "nearly toppling under its load of fresh-harvested buckwheat ... rocking from side to side"; horses "adorned with fluttering ribbons and greenery"; flaxen-haired children wearing wreaths of flowers "scattering flowers and leaves"; all accompanied by "a troop of country lads and lasses skipped and sang enough to startle the whole drowsy plain" (JLB 11, 7/20/1873). Left alone in the dark as the magical pageant disappears down the road, the stranger, a painter, ponders "the calm, deep delight upon which the soul feasts in the fields," and with his "artist's mind," he "reconstruct[s] in silent rapture the glorious scene."

Vincent, only twenty and already chasing a childhood mirage of lost happiness, found the poem so moving that he asked Lies to copy it out so he could take it with him on his journey. Vincent enclosed a copy of the poem in a letter to Willem van Stockum (and Caroline Haanebeek) after he arrived in London with the note: "It's Brabant to a T. ... Our Elisabeth copied it out for me on my last evening in Helvoirt" (JLB 10, 7/2/1873). He also enclosed a copy in a letter to Theo with the note: "It's Brabant to a T, and I'm so fond of it. Lies copied it out for me on my last evening at home." (JLB 11, 7/20/1873.)

Context:
JLB 9, 6/13/1873: "I spent some very pleasant days in Paris and, as you can imagine, very much enjoyed all the beautiful things I saw at the exhibition and in the Louvre and the Luxembourg. The Paris branch is splendid, and much larger than I'd imagined. Especially the Place de l'Opéra."

Context:
BVG W19, 1/20/1890: "Are you enjoying yourself in Paris? I can well imagine that it gives you the impression of too large, too confused a city. This is what always goes against the grain with us, who are rather accustomed to simpler surroundings."
JLB 841, 1/20/1890: "Are you enjoying yourself in Paris? I could very well imagine that it would strike you as being an over-large city, too muddled. That's what always vexes us, we who are rather accustomed to simpler surroundings."

Context:
JLB 9, 6/13/1873: "I spent some very pleasant days in Paris and, as you can imagine, very much enjoyed all the beautiful things I saw at the exhibition and in the Louvre and the Luxembourg."

Context:
JLB 9, 6/13/1873: "I spent some very pleasant days in Paris and, as you can imagine, very much enjoyed all the beautiful things I saw at the exhibition and in the Louvre and the Luxembourg."

Context:
JLB 9, 6/13/1873: "I spent some very pleasant days in Paris and, as you can imagine, very much enjoyed all the beautiful things I saw at the exhibition and in the Louvre and the Luxembourg."

Context:
JLB 9, 6/13/1873: "The Paris branch is splendid, and much larger than I'd imagined. Especially the Place de l'Opéra."

Context:
BVG 9, 6/13/1873: "The house in Paris is splendid and much bigger than I had thought, especially the one in the Place de l'Opera."
JLB 9, 6/13/1873: "The Paris branch is splendid, and much larger than I'd imagined."

Context:
JLB 23, 6/16/1874: "I'm glad you like César de Cock so much; he's one of the few painters to have understood our Brabant intimately enough. I don't know whether I told you that I met him last year in Paris."

Context:
JLB 102, 2/8/1877: "There are curious things in other countries, such as the French coast which I saw at Dieppe -- the chalk cliffs with green grass on top -- the sea and sky -- the harbour with old boats like Daubigny paints them…"

Context:
BVG 9, 6/13/1873: "I spent some very pleasant days in Paris, and, as you can imagine, I enjoyed all the beautiful things I saw at the exhibition and in the Louvre and the Luxembourg. The house in Paris is splendid and much bigger than I had thought, especially the one in the Place de l'Opera."
JLB 9, 6/13/1873: "I spent some very pleasant days in Paris and, as you can imagine, very much enjoyed all the beautiful things I saw at the exhibition and in the Louvre and the Luxembourg. The Paris branch is splendid, and much larger than I'd imagined. Especially the Place de l'Opéra."

Context:
BVG W04, 6/22/1888: "When I saw it for the first time, I felt above all the dreary misery, which one cannot wave away, as little as one can wave away the tainted air in a hospital, however clean it may be kept."
JLB 626, 6/16/1888-6/20/1888: "The first time I saw it I felt above all the miseries that one cannot wave away, any more than the smell of sickness in the hospital, however clean it may be kept."